Living the Lie
by KaydenceRei
Summary: Two weeks became three years. Life in Dharmaville. Each chapter will be a new month during those three years.
1. October, 1974

**Author's Note**: This will be multi-chaptered. It's basically going to provide us with insight for those three years. Hopefully I can do a good job of it, this is like to turn into a really long story. Hope you guys are in for the long haul!

This first part goes out to **iHeartYou13**, who was really looking forward to this once I mentioned it!

**Living the Lie**:

_October 13,_

_1974._

There are days where he briefly wonders why the hell he still stays on this island and there are days when he briefly wonders why the hell he would wonder about something like that. As though it should have been obvious, which it was. He stayed because it was just as he'd told Juliet a month ago on the docks, there was nothing to go back to.

Realizations dawned on him daily when he was sitting and staring at hippie monitors in the security station for eight straight hours. And after one month of being in the 'Dharma Initiative', he couldn't quite cop and say he hated the damned island. He couldn't say he liked it, but he most definitely didn't hate it.

The worst realization was tonight. When he realized that they could have been in their own time and he still wouldn't have anything to go back to by leaving the island. The island had actually made him somebody. The realization that he meant more to people on a deserted island than he did back home. What _was_ home anyways?

It seemed sad to him that he felt more at home in 1974 then he did in 2004, on an island rather then back in America. Worse yet, he was actually beginning to _like_ Jin, _like_ Miles, _like_ Daniel, and even _like_ Juliet. Juliet had to be the kicker for him. Her and her walls. That woman had built mile high walls around herself that he couldn't break down if he tried.

At least, that's what he'd thought when they first got here. That was until he told her he was staying when Horace asked them to join the Initiative. When the sub had come the next day, he'd thought she left and hadn't said good-bye. Turned out, she'd just decided to sleep in. He hadn't been too sure if he'd liked her until that moment when he was sitting in the kitchen and she had come out wearing a pair of over-sized sweatpants and a tank top.

That was the moment he'd realized she'd stayed with him in this forsaken place regardless of the promise she'd only made to him for two weeks. He hadn't voiced his gratitude for it but he sure as hell appreciated it nonetheless. Come to think of it.. he probably should thank her when he went back to the house he shared with her.

_That_ had been another strange occurrence in his island life. They had drawn straws to shack up with their room-mates. The two big straws got one two-bedroom house, the three tiny straws had to go share the other two-bedroom house. Somehow he and Juliet wound up pulling the big straws and he'd been shacked up with his worst enemy. It had been even stranger to explain to Horace, 'No, we are not romantically involved..'

Having a room-mate was one thing, even if he hadn't ever had one before. Having a female room-mate? That was a whole other story. Not to mention the said female companion had once locked him in a cage, tasered him, shot down his morality in a thirty second speech to himself and Sayid and then teased him about building a runway for the aliens.

There were far too many sides to Juliet Burke that he couldn't fully comprehend. The side of her that was cold and calculating was a side that made him wonder what happened to her in her life to make her that way. The side of her that cracked jokes at the most ridiculous moments about the most ridiculous things was a side that made him wonder if she had multiple personality disorder.

Then there was the side of her that would willingly go into dangerous situations just to prove herself to other people that made him question her sanity just a little bit. Yet the side of her that he was certain he would never, ever, fully comprehend, was the side that made the decision to stay here passed those two weeks. She'd said it herself, she'd been trying to get off the island for over three years.

A tap on his shoulder made him blink out of his revelations. He turned and met the icy blue eyes that belonged to the woman he'd just been pondering about. "Need somethin'?"

She arched that famous eyebrow of hers in response. "You've been here an hour passed your shift," she pointed out casually. "Not that Miles is complaining, that's an hour less he's forced to stare at those monitors. But you've got me curious."

Sawyer was silent for a beat, locked into a staring contest with her. He found it strange that she didn't judge him based on all of her knowledge of him and his past. He figured he should be thankful but he was more curious about why. He wondered if it was because she had her own past that made her understand his own, or if she simply didn't care.

And suddenly this staring contest made him realize he'd barely spoken to her in almost a week. She'd stayed with him and he'd started ignoring her. He was more of an ass then he realized. Finally he relented, standing up and breaking their eye-contact, allowing her that victory. "Was just thinkin'," was all he admitted to before heading towards the door. "Better tell Miles to hurry his ass up before someone realizes he ain't here for his shift."

Juliet blinked in response, watching him leave. He'd been acting strange with her for the passed two weeks and she didn't have an explanation for why. She also refused to waltz up to him and simply ask what his issues with her were. She was fairly certain those issues probably had something to do with a polar bear cage and a taser. It was likely that even if she gave him the best sex he'd ever had in his life, the little tidbit of all the things she'd done to him would still be hanging over them.

Not that she could give someone the best sex of their life. He was probably somewhere along the lines of triple digits in the number of women he'd been with. She'd be lucky if she could keep counting passed the fingers on one hand. Her eyebrows furrowed at the current train of thought. She'd have to cease that thinking pattern. She rolled her eyes at herself before going to Miles', Jin's, and Daniel's house and knocking.

The door opened and Miles was standing there looking at her expectantly. "James says you should probably hurry to the security station before someone notices you're late for your shift."

"Shit!" Miles drawled out in annoyance. He was slinging his boots on in an instant before he looked up at her. "You making dinner tonight?"

Juliet stared at him momentarily, being sure not to let the annoyance from that question show in her eyes or face. "Does kitchen backwards spell woman?" she quipped before turning and heading towards the house she shared with Sawyer.

"W-O-M-A-N.. yep!" came the swift response from behind her.

Juliet paused. She glanced back at him and lifted a brow. "Then I guess one of you in that house better go get castrated and start wearing a dress," was her reply before she turned and went home. She found herself smiling as she heard Miles grumbling something about PMS as he trudged off for work.

Once again she stopped at the front porch of their house and watched the amusement that was playing on Sawyer's features. "What?" she questioned defensively. "Just because I'm the only one in our group without something hanging between their legs constantly doesn't mean I have to be the designated cook."

Sawyer stared at her. He was pretty sure he probably shouldn't say what he was going to but he did it anyways. "Give us a break here," he stated. "It ain't _always_ hanging between our legs."

Being silent was the only thing she could think to respond with.

Sawyer smirked. He was certain he won that one, which made him feel better about giving up their staring contest earlier. At least, it did until her retort.

"It will be if I kick it," she responded before stepping passed him on the porch and heading inside.

"Sonuvabitch.." he muttered quietly, flinching at the visual. "Not if I kick you in the ovaries first!" he called back to her just before she made it through the door.

Juliet felt the smile protrude on her face before she could stop it. Leave it to him to come up with something that vulgar.

Sawyer was grinning now. '_Oh yea', James 1, Juliet 1_' he thought to himself. It took a moment for him to realized he'd just thought of himself as James for one of the first times. Score changed. '_James 1, Juliet 2_' he decided. She was ahead again.

"That'd be difficult considering where they are," she told him, listening to his footsteps as he followed her through the door. She paused just a moment to shut it behind him before leaning back and folding her arms across her chest. "And I doubt Mr. Droopy and his low-hanging status would make it there for the punt."

Sawyer froze. '_Dammit.. James 1, Juliet 3.. now she's just kickin' my damned ass..'_ he thought in annoyance. He turned and walked up to her as she leaned against the front door. He paused for a moment, rethinking what he was about to do, but decided, '_screw it_'.

Juliet narrowed her eyes slightly, trying to determine the challenge she now saw in his eyes. She would have laughed had he not suddenly caged her in at the doors by putting his hands flat against it on either side of her. She leaned back into the door more fully before she caught herself as he came nose to nose with her and she felt something undistinguished flutter through her. Fear? Not quite. But he was definitely making her nervous.

He was about to make a gutter comment when he noticed the strange look in her eyes. She'd managed to keep her face a blank slate. But they say the eyes are the window to the soul, and for her, they most certainly were. He saw the nervousness in them, the uncertainty, the _almost_ fear.. and he instantly felt bad. He removed his hands, backing away immediately. He'd only meant to joke around with her, not scare her. And suddenly he realized she was a lot more human that he'd ever realized.

She frowned slightly, opening her mouth to apologize to him for the way she'd just reacted when there was a knock on the door. She bit down on her lip and watched him walk over to the couch and pick up his book and she released an inward sigh. It took a moment for her to remember there was someone as the door and when she did she turned and opened it.

"Juliet!" Came Horace's ever happy reaction. "Good to see you, I was hoping to speak to Jim!"

Juliet smiled now, unable to help it. She nodded and moved aside allowing him to enter before motioning him over to the couch where Sawyer had his nose in a book already. She made a note that he'd notoriously succeeded in managing to make sure whoever was at the door wouldn't notice the tension between them. She managed a short roll of the eyes before heading into the kitchen.

"How about meatloaf?" she called out. Cold, calculating.

Sawyer cringed, remaining silent in response.

Juliet just smiled as she took out chicken. He hated meatloaf. "Chicken it is," she sung out to the silence.

Horace chuckled at the relief that crossed over one of his newest members of Dharma. "You sure you two aren't together, Jim?" he questioned with a grin.

They both listened to Juliet's snort of laughter from the kitchen. Sawyer could only shake his head in response and shoot a look at Horace. "I'm sure ya' didn't come here just to ask that, H'," he pointed out, placing his book down on the table before turning to study the man before him.

Horace smiled at him. "Of course not," he assured him. "I'm sure its distressing that you haven't been able to find anymore members of your crew," he told Sawyer. "But its only been a month, and this is a very large island, they could have wandered anywhere," he assured him.

Sawyer frowned slightly. "I ain't given up hope yet, H'," he admitted. "If they're out there, I'm gonna fine 'em, I owe 'em that much."

"You're a good man, Jim," Horace told him with confidence. "Now then, how are you and Juliet fairing?" he questioned curiously.

Sawyer lifted an eyebrow in response before glancing at the wall that was between him and Juliet. "Pretty well," he told their fearless little leader.

Horace nodded. "Well, since you're not together, I just wanted to make sure this wasn't an awkward living arrangement for you," he admitted sheepishly. "I'd feel badly if either of you were uncomfortable being housed together."

Juliet found herself listening carefully for Sawyer's response. She wondered if he'd use this as his chance for a cop out and lose her as a room-mate. She wouldn't blame him if he did after the way she'd reacted to him just before Horace came over. She knew he was only going to continue the joke. She hadn't meant to increase the tension that already existed between them.

Maybe it would be better if he took the cop out. Back on the beach with the other survivor's they had both done their best to avoid each other as much as possible. They weren't friends. He _hated_ her as far as she could tell. She had never judged him, she realized, what the hell right had he had to judge her? Within a moment she realized she'd been gripping the edge of the counter so tightly that her knuckles were turning white.

She frowned immediately and put the chicken away again. Screw dinner. And screw James Ford. She'd watched his back just as she had promised him she would do. And sure, before that she'd been on the other side, against him. But she'd proved herself, hadn't she? She resisted the urge to slam the refrigerator door as she entered the living room to answer the question for Sawyer.

"That won't be necessary, Horace," she said, faking a sweet smile.

Both Horace and Sawyer looked up at her.

"Are you sure?" Horace questioned, studying her intently.

Juliet nodded. "Of course, really, there's no need to go out of your way, I was leaving on the next sub anyways," she explained before she turned and headed down the hall and into her bedroom.

Sawyer stared after her in shock. He knew his mouth was open and he couldn't stop himself. He felt as though he'd just been sucker-punched in the gut. And he also knew this was probably his fault. He'd taken it too far earlier and scared the crap out of her by doing so. He frowned now and turned to Horace. "Ya' should prolly' go.." he stated. "Think she's mad at me."

Horace nodded slightly. "I really hope you can talk her into staying, I'd hate to see her go," he admitted. "She's really a very sweet woman, Amy's very fond of her."

Sawyer wondered what Horace would think if he knew how many people he and Juliet had killed. "When's the sub coming in?" he questioned now. He wondered how much time he had to convince Juliet to stay. And he'd be damned, if Horace said tomorrow, he'd likely sock the man right in the jaw.

"Not until next month," Horace told him. "Good luck, and Jim?"

Sawyer waited for him to speak.

"I'm sure she'd stay if you just told her how you feel about her!" Horace assured him.

Sawyer watched him walk away in a stunned silence. What the hell was it with that man? "He's gotta be smokin' somethin' good.." he muttered, shaking his head and shutting the door. "Damned seventies hippies.."

He took a deep breath and let it out as he leaned against the door to think. How was he supposed to convince her to stay when he couldn't even convince himself that he had a good enough reason to ask her to? He closed his eyes and banged the back of his head against the door once. He'd asked her to stay because he was lonely. Was that a good enough reason to ask her again? He wasn't sure he wanted to be alone again.

Now he frowned once more. He had to at least give it a shot. The walk down the hall felt like a damned never-ending walk of shame as he finally made it to her door. He stared at it for another minute, wondering exactly what he should say to her. He wasn't really sure how long he stood there before he finally poised his hand to knock and that was the exact moment she'd chosen to open the door.

Juliet studied him cautiously as he stood there. Truthfully she'd heard him come down the hall and stop at her door over five minutes ago. She was well-aware he'd been standing there the entire time but she made sure not to let that show on her face. Instead she chose to keep her face in a mask of indifference. "Did you need something?" she asked curtly. "Or can I go to the bathroom?"

Sawyer frowned once more. He opened his mouth, determined to ask her to stay, but the words never came out. Instead he shut his mouth and stepped to the side wordlessly, watching as she walked down the hall to the bathroom. He shook his head slightly and wandered back towards the living room in defeat as he plopped himself down on the couch. It was gonna be one long damned month.

~*~*~

_October 16th,_

_1974._

In a matter of two days nothing had gotten even remotely better between himself and Juliet. He couldn't work up the courage to have a real sit-down with her and talk. And so he found himself spending most his days with Jin, Miles and Daniel. He ate his meals there, spent his time off there, drank there. The only damned thing he wasn't doing at their house was sleeping. He'd go home once he knew she was sleeping and crawl into bed, do it all over again the next day.

On the third day he finally stayed home. If he kept staying over there, pretty soon they were gonna start asking questions that he probably didn't have the answers to. It was Saturday. He wasn't working on Saturdays. He picked a hell of a day to decide to stay home. He wandered down the hall and stopped in the living room, glancing to the side and noticing Juliet with her nose in a book. He nose also made a note that something smelled damned good.

"I made pancakes," she stated, not bothering to look up from what she was reading. She knew it was childish but then again, he'd spent two days straight avoiding her at any costs. What did it matter if she barely acknowledged him now that they were finally in the same room together? "Syrup is next to your plate on the table," she added.

Sawyer studied her for a moment. He figured that was all he was going to get from her so he headed into the kitchen and eyed the empty plate on the counter. It took him a moment for her statement to hit him.

'_Syrup is next to your plate on the table._'

He glanced over at the table now. She'd made him a plate, true to her word. He felt guilty instantly. He spent two days avoiding her and then on day three she makes him breakfast. Not only had she made pancakes, she'd made sausage and eggs to go with it too. The eggs were sunny-side up, just like he liked them. How the hell did she even know how he liked his eggs?

Finally he went over to the table and sat down. He looked back over and noted that she gave no indication that she was paying any attention to him whatsoever. Either she was thoroughly engrossed in that book or she was still mad at him. He'd guess the latter if she hadn't made a giant breakfast and made a damned plate for him. She confused the hell out of him.

He sat there for a while picking at the plate. And even when it was done he made no move to get up. Instead he leaned his elbow on the table and placed his chin on his hand in thought.

He nearly jumped when the plate disappeared from in front of him. He glanced over and watched as Juliet took it to the sink and began washing it off. That just made him feel worse. It took another moment for him to realize the sink was full. He frowned and stood up, grabbing a dry dish towel and heading over to her.

Juliet glanced to the side at him. She studied the guilty look on his face and sighed lightly in reaction to it. She'd made him breakfast because _she_ felt bad and in turn that had only made _him_ feel bad too. They were a hell of a pair. She gave him a small smile as she handed the dish for him to dry before she got started on the others.

They went on like that in a comfortable silence for a good ten minutes before they'd emptied the sink and they both spent another few minutes putting the different dishes away. Truthfully, if the other three men weren't over here eating all the time, there wouldn't be nearly as many dishes. She'd neglected to tell Sawyer that she'd invited Jin, Miles and Daniel over for breakfast earlier.

"You really gonna leave?" Sawyer finally questioned once the dishes were all put away. He watched as she leaned against the counter, obviously thinking his question over in her head. That was just Juliet. She never gave immediate answers to serious questions. She was articulate, she had to think things through to be sure she said what she wanted. He was getting used to that.

Juliet let her eyes trail to the floor as she juggled the upside and the downside of saying yes or no. "I don't know," she answered truthfully before lifting her eyes to meet his gaze. She nearly gave in and told him no when she saw the pained look in his eyes.

"You should," he stated with a bit of a shrug. He tried to keep himself sounding indifferent. He tried his damned hardest to make it sound like he didn't really care one way or another. And he was pretty damned sure he was failing at it completely.

She frowned in response. "Why do you care?" she finally questioned. "You don't even like me, James," she reminded him. "We spent the longest time hating each other and I get that during the flashes we sort of _had_ to work together," she admitted. "But there's no more danger, we're not out in the jungle anymore running from God only knows what," she stated.

Sawyer was taken back by her words. Was that really what she thought? She honestly thought he still didn't like her after all she's done for him already? She was the only one keeping him sane throughout all of those flashes. And to be fully honest, when she'd had her first nose bleed as they were sitting on the beach soaking wet he'd been afraid he would lose the only anchor holding him down.

He tried to think of a response to what she'd just said to him. He wasn't entirely sure what he _could _say. What the hell would make her believe he cared? Finally he decided to reiterate with another question, one that he'd been dying to ask her. "Why don't you seem to care about all the things I've done in the past?" he dared to ask.

Juliet studied him, her face passive as she thought about the question. And the same words that she'd told Jack that first day she'd met him came flying back to her. "Because.. it doesn't matter who we were before the island, James, or even before we got here to Dharma," she assured him. "It only matters who we are now."

"So we ignore the past," Sawyer stated casually, shrugging his shoulders. To be honest her words shocked him. She wasn't judging him for his past because that's exactly what it was, the past. "And we do what, we start over?"

She narrowed her eyes slightly, studying him and tossing his question around in her head. "You can't ignore the past," she explained. "You can only overcome it," she stated with a sigh. She leaned her arms back on the counter, then rolled her neck around to loosen up. "The reason why I'm not bothered by your past is because you're not the same man," she pointed out. "You've changed."

Sawyer eyed her warily.

Juliet allowed her eyes to soften slightly when she realized he didn't believe her. "Jack left us, James," she pointed out. "And you didn't hesitate to take the lead when we all needed you. You're the reason we're alive."

"Some leader," Sawyer mumbled under his breath. "At least when Jackass led 'em, people stayed alive, I took over and thirty-somethin' people died or went missin' and we can't even find 'em," he retorted before turning to walk out of the kitchen.

Juliet stopped leaning on the counter and reached out, grabbing hold of his hand before he could get away. "Look at me, James," she said softly. "None of what happened was your fault, you did the best you could in a horrible situation," she explained to him. "Jack couldn't have done half of what you've done here."

"What do you care?" he shot out, throwing her an annoyed glance. "We don't even like each other anyhow.."

Juliet let go of his hand instantly and looked away.

Sawyer felt guilty almost immediately. He hadn't meant to say it, he'd just shot it out on rebound. It was what he was used to doing. "I didn't mean that.." he muttered, glancing down and then back up at her.

"Yes you did," she corrected him. "Look, just get this through your thick head," she stated, her voice getting stone-cold once again. "If it weren't for you, we'd _all_ be dead right now," she told him. "I stayed here because you're the reason I'm still alive, you're the reason I still have a chance to see my--" she stopped suddenly. She took a deep breath and shook her head. "Just get your damned head out of your ass before I shove my foot up it," she warned him.

Sawyer watched in shock as she walked away from him. He couldn't help the shit-eating grin that came across his face at the last sentence she'd said. "That mean you're stayin'?!" he yelled down the hall.

"Somebody's gotta watch your back.." came the muffled reply as the water to the shower turned on.

**()()TBC()()**

**So here's how this story will work. Every chapter will be one month of the year! One chapter is one month, got it? :) good. That being said, I hope you liked it! There's much more to come.**


	2. November, 1974

**Author's Note**: Just so you guys know, I realized I had my timeline in the first chapter off quite a bit.. and going three years would put them into 1978. My bad! I fixed this now.. the only thing that changed is the dates. From January of 1975 to October of 1974! (Since that's one month in.. that means they arrived in September of '74.)

**Living the Lie**:

_November 2,_

_1974._

Two months. That's how long they'd been in 1974 and that's how long Juliet had been playing a certain type of 'house-wife'. Admittedly, she didn't mind so much, it was a nice change of pace to sit back and do absolutely nothing. But after several months of living on a beach, of being chased around the jungle or doing the chasing around the jungle, sitting in one place for so long was absolutely and utterly _boring_. She blew a piece of hair out of her eyes as she sat on the couch.

What was she supposed to do? Sawyer would spend most of the day in the security station along with Miles and Jin. Not that she didn't find herself going there daily and bringing all three of them different assortments of food. That was all she found herself doing most days. Cooking. Not that Daniel wasn't a sweetheart, but she found that too much time in his company was enough to make her start twitching. Not exactly the most endearing quality.

But she wasn't in the mood for playing Martha Stewart today. And although she was certain the boys in the security station were probably already wondering what she would bring them today and where she was, she didn't care to give them their fixation. The fact was, she _wasn't_ a housewife. Therein lay the problem she'd had in her marriage before the island. She may have been timid, she may have been a pushover, but she would never give in to being a dedicated homely housewife. She'd gone to med school to make something of herself. She was glad that was the one thing that Edmund hadn't been able to take away from her.

Then again. Ben had taken it away. He'd managed to take away everything she'd worked for in her life in one big, large swoop. It was him who brought her here. It was him who manipulated her into staying. The only thing good she could say about him was that he'd changed her. She wasn't naive enough to think this change was for the better. She'd practically become an ice queen. She'd killed for survival.

Now she knew there was a bonus to being in the house alone most of the time. As she pulled her legs up onto the couch and hugged her knees to her chest, she let out a breath she hadn't even been aware she'd been holding in. That incessant urge to cry that filled her every now and then for the passed three and a half years was nagging her again but she sucked it up. That wasn't her. She didn't cry.

That was a lie. Ben had made her cry a few times, not that she'd admit that to anybody. Jack had been damned close to getting her there, not because he'd upset her, but because he'd finally made her feel something again. It hit her now. Hit her thoroughly and quickly for the first time in two months that Jack was truly gone. Gone with Kate. Probably didn't even remember her anymore. The only thing he'd left her with was a broken promise that he'd get her off this island, that they'd do it together.

And the tears flowed freely with that knowledge bearing down on her. She leaned her forehead down on the top of her knees and felt her body shake with the sobs. She was trying to force them back, make them stop, but it only seemed to be making them worse. And the knock on the door couldn't have come at a worse time. She sat there, trying to quiet herself and deep down hoping that if she ignored whoever was at the door that maybe, just maybe, they would go away.

It didn't work. By trying to hold in any noises she wound up making an even louder one and she sniffled in response to it.

"Juliet.." came Daniel's soft and concerned voice as he opened the door cautiously. He took in the sight of the blonde crying on the couch with her hand over her mouth as she tried to stifle any more noises. For two months she'd been the one he could come to and openly talk to about Charlotte and little Charlotte. And for two months he hadn't thought that maybe she was upset too. He closed the door gently behind him and shuffled over to the couch, awkwardly sitting down beside her.

He frowned as he tried to decide exactly what to do for her and found that he really had no idea how to comfort a crying woman. At his best he was still socially awkward. "Do you.. want to talk about it?" he asked with uncertainty. He was treading on dangerous ground and he knew it. At the shake of her head he tried to determine what he could do or say. He didn't do people very well. Science and equations were easy.. people, they were what was complicated about life.

Still, he tried his best regardless. He reached an arm out and wrapped it around her shoulders. He was more then surprised when she easily leaned into him and hid her face on the safety of his shoulder. "It'll be okay.." he told her, his voice was caring but cautious. He really had no idea what he was doing, or what he was even telling her would be okay since she wouldn't talk to him. He stared down at her hand which was gripping his shirt so tightly her knuckles were turning white. And it seemed almost automatic now as he put his other arm around her too.

This didn't really seem like that same tough as nails woman that had an all out brawl with Charlotte at The Tempest not so long ago. That had held a gun on him. Not that he blamed her. She had thought he was trying to kill everybody on the island. And she'd proven to him now she was actually a very warmhearted person if you took the time to notice. Which he had. She'd been the first to give him some comfort after Charlotte had died. She'd been the only one to continually give that comfort to this day.

Daniel stayed with her in the position for another five or so minute before he felt and heard the sobs subside to nothing. He let her take her time with untangling herself from him and he already could tell she was more then just a little embarrassed from the situation. "Are you okay?" he asked timidly.

Juliet wanted to avoid eye contact with Daniel if at all possible. She'd never done that before. Not that anyone had _ever_ taken the time to comfort her, not in years. She'd cried on Ben's shoulder once. Just once, when she'd begged him to go home. She almost thought about telling Daniel that. She didn't. Instead she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Can.. can we not tell anybody about this?" she asked him, daring to peak over at him.

He smiled a little at her. He didn't blame her for not wanting anyone to know. "Sure.." he agreed with a slight nod. "I won't tell.."

Juliet smiled back at him in response as she attempted to erase the proof of her tears. "Oh.. I'm sorry," she muttered. "Obviously you came over for a reason and I sat here bawling my eyes out.." she half-choked out a laugh. "Is everything okay, Daniel?"

He arched an eyebrow up at that. It was one thing he liked about her. The way she called him Daniel. Unlike Sawyer, Miles and even Jin. They all called him Dan. Half the time Sawyer came up with stupid nicknames like Danny-boy or Mr. Wizard. "I asked you first.." he pointed out sheepishly.

Juliet was silent in response for a moment. He did have a point. Still, even if she _did_ concede his point, she wasn't sure she was ready to go telling anyone about her guilty conscience. Not to mention her current realization that the man she _thought_ she could possibly love, had left her here and never come back. Truthfully she wasn't even entirely sure how she should handle that thought. One thing was for certain, love was as useless as handing a vegetarian a hamburger.

She opened her mouth, almost about to breathe every single detail out to Daniel when she heard footsteps on the porch. She frowned before standing and headed down the hall without a single word, straight into the bathroom. Hopefully Daniel would keep quiet and she needed to make sure her face didn't look like she'd just let loose an entire stash of waterworks. Unfortunately it did. She quickly ran the water in the sink and washed her face.

Daniel stared after her down the hallway. He frowned slightly at the knock on the door that came within the next second and he noticed after a minute Juliet wasn't coming back from down the hall. He sighed before standing and opened the door. "Hi Horace.." he greeted the leader.

Horace smiled at Daniel. "Hi Daniel, spending time with Juliet?"

He nodded slightly in response.

"Hello, Horace," came Juliet's voice as she entered the living room again. A smile was pasted onto her face. "What can I do for you?"

Daniel stared at her, the confusion evident on his face. How had she managed to look completely normal not even two minutes after she stopped crying? If he hadn't been there he never would have known she'd just been crying.

"Actually, I was hoping to finally get you in to take your aptitude test," Horace told her with a smile. "I realize how bored you must be after all this time, I really apologize for not getting to you sooner."

Juliet smiled serenely in response, regardless of the fact her mind was screaming, '_thank you, Jesus_!'. "That would be great," she answered with a nod. She turned to look at Daniel, locking eyes with him and hoping she was conveying enough of a notion with her eyes that she'd hurt him if he told anyone about their encounter. She could see him shift awkwardly in response. "There's leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry, Daniel.." she told him before following Horace out of the house.

"You know, I'm thrilled you've decided to stay as well, Juliet," Horace told her, slowing his pace to allow her to keep up beside him. "I was worried for a bit there after you told me you were going to get on the sub."

Juliet glanced away briefly. "Yes.. well.." she muttered, not entirely too certain how she was supposed to respond to that. "Don't get me wrong, I'd love to go home, but.." she frowned now. But what? Did she really have a reason that he could understand? Not really. Well, maybe. "They're great guys, James, Miles, Jin and Daniel.." she assured him. "But.. James needs some support and none of them are very good at that.."

Horace studied her carefully as they entered his office. He'd noticed something was off with her when Daniel had answered her door. He could see it in her eyes and from the fake smile she'd plastered on her face to try and fool them. "Are you alright, Juliet?" he asked her, shutting the door softly and moving to take a seat behind his desk.

Juliet stared at him with more then a little bit of surprise. "I'm sorry?" she questioned. How could he have noticed anything was off with her? She'd made sure she looked perfectly fine before she went out to her living room. What _was_ it about these people?

He shifted uncomfortably for a moment in his seat before he sighed. "Is it because Daniel's leaving on the sub tomorrow?" he asked her cautiously. "I know that you're good friends with all--"

"Daniel's what?" Juliet asked immediately, all senses on alert suddenly. She stared at him with open surprise. Is that what Daniel had been coming to tell her?

Horace frowned now. "I apologize, I just assumed.." he paused and shook his head. "I guess I'd better explain," he decided. "Daniel wishes to work with our team of scientists back on the Mainland.." he told her. "He'll be leaving tomorrow morning for Ann Harbor."

"I see.." she replied, taking a defeated seat in the chair in front of Horace's desk. She vaguely thought that maybe Daniel had the wise idea. Not telling anyone that he was going to get on the sub. Perhaps she could have done that. No.. she couldn't have. "Maybe we should just get to the test.."

Another frown grew on Horace's face as he studied the blonde's defeated posture. He felt horrible for making whatever was upsetting her even worse on his assumptions. Best to leave his foot where it was in his mouth before he shoved it down any further. "Of course.." he agreed quickly, handing her the sheets of paper and then handing her a pencil. "You know, I never did ask what _you_ did on the ship, Juliet."

Juliet was quiet for a moment. Doctor? No.. definitely not. She didn't want to be anywhere near sick or injured people anymore. "I was.." she began, but paused briefly. She put the pencil down on the desk and looked up at Horace to meet his eyes. Lies were more believable if you looked someone in the eye. "I was with somebody.."

Horace arched an eyebrow up. "Ah, Jim?" he questioned.

She shook her head almost immediately. "No, no.." she assured him. "He.. I.." she frowned now, not entirely sure _how_ to explain the relationship between herself and Sawyer. Maybe talking to Horace wasn't such a bad idea. He didn't actually _know_ her anyways. It was less embarrassing then if Sawyer or.. God forbid, Miles, should walk in and she were bawling her eyes out again.

"Friends, yes," Horace said for her with a nod. "Jim told me the same thing," he assured her. "What about this somebody?" he questioned, leaning back in his chair and studying the far-away look in her eyes. He easily deemed that this 'somebody' was likely the cause of the inner turmoil. "That's what's upsetting you, isn't it?" he asked, his voice softening.

Juliet shrunk back and picked up the pencil, immediately burying her face in the aptitude test.

Horace opened his mouth to speak again when there was a knock on the door. He quickly called out a, "Come in," as his eyes remained focused on the blonde before him.

"Hey, H," came Sawyer's voice as the door was opening. "Phil tripped on the damned power line again and--" he paused, looking at Juliet with an arched eyebrow. "Hey, Juliet."

"Hi James," came her reply without looking up from what she was doing.

Horace studied her briefly once more with a worried look before he looked at Sawyer at his door. "Again?" he questioned with a shake of his head. "How bad?"

Sawyer watched the worried look that crossed Horace's face as he looked at Juliet and quickly hid the frown in response to it. "Just a twist, should 'prolly be good in a day or two."

"Very well.." Horace acknowledged. "When he comes back, be sure to tell him to steer clear of those power lines," he stated, shooting Sawyer a look of amusement.

"You got it boss," Sawyer replied with a grin. He glanced at the back of Juliet's head for a moment. "See ya' later, blondie."

Juliet paused momentarily and turned to look back at him. She shot him a pointed look as though to say, '_I know you didn't just call me that.._'.

Sawyer smirked instantly at the look she was giving him. He couldn't help himself but to grin. He gave a fake shiver and pretended to rub his arms from the chill. "Careful there Sunshine, that look could make hell freeze over," he shot out quickly before shutting the door and making a quick escape.

Horace arched an eyebrow up and briefly wondered how she put up with him at times. But when she turned back to look at the aptitude test he noticed the small smile playing out on her face. Obviously she didn't 'put up' with it. She actually seemed to _enjoy_ his childish antics. Perhaps juvenile nicknames and silly little jokes were what she needed. So he leaned back and allowed her to finish the test in silence.

A little while later he glanced it over as she handed it back to him and he smiled up at her. "Wonderful, I'll get this to Amy and she'll determine where you'll be placed by later on tonight," he told her. He held out and hand and smiled when she took it. "And Juliet, if you need to talk, I'm always around," he assured her. "I know Amy's made you the same offer."

Juliet smiled briefly in response. "I'll keep that in mind," she promised. "I'd better get back, maybe make the Master of Nicknames some meatloaf."

Horace chuckled immediately, remembering the man's face the previous month when she'd threatened to make meatloaf. "He doesn't like meatloaf, does he?" he questioned with a knowing smile.

"He despises it," Juliet replied with a wink. "See you later, Horace."

Horace let out a laugh and shook his head. Yes, these people that came here were most definitely a unique bunch, there was absolutely no denying that.

_Later that night.._

The dinner had been mostly silent. She'd made spaghetti, regardless of the meatball joke she'd cracked to Horace. With some careful prodding Juliet had managed to get Daniel to admit that he was leaving so he _wouldn't _interact with little Charlotte and so that he could work on getting them home. Home had dug it in for her and she'd immediately let it go, promising not to tell the others about it. Instead they were all eating the dinner she'd made.

She figured if Daniel would be gone tomorrow, this would be their last chance to have a meal with all of them together. Yet, after a few minutes the silence was broken.

"You know, you really should just say you're married to Jim here," Miles told her. "I think you should stay jobless and keep cooking," he suggested before adding more spaghetti onto his plate.

"Shut it, Gordo," Sawyer growled, almost feeling a twitch coming on.

Juliet smiled sweetly and leaned in close to Miles. "Tell me, Miles," she began. "Did I _look_ like Susie Homemaker when I took that potshot at you in the jungle when you first arrived here?"

Miles gulped and sat back in his seat. "I always thought Sayid took that shot.. nice aim, getting it right by my feet like that."

Daniel smiled without being able to help himself.

"What are you talking about?" Juliet asked curiously. "I missed."

Miles choked on his spaghetti while Sawyer, Daniel and Jin all let out a laugh.

A knock on the door cut into the moment and Juliet was on her feet to get it when the next comment from Miles came.

"See look?" he pointed out. "We don't even have to tell her to answer the door anymore! We've domesticated her!"

Sawyer snorted and spit out his Dharma beer back into the can in response to that.

Juliet shook her head and opened the door. "Hi there, Amy," she said, smiling instantly at the other woman at the door and stepping aside to let her in.

"Hey Juliet," she said with a small smile in return. "Horace asked me to take a look at your test, I just had a few questions," she explained before she noticed the four men sitting at the dinner table. "And I interrupted dinner, I'm so sorry."

Juliet shook her head. "Not a problem, I'm finished anyways," she told her, shooting a look in Miles' direction who instantly turned and went back to shoveling his spaghetti into his mouth.

Sawyer watched the two women head down the hall with a curious look. He figured Juliet would probably wind up working as a doctor. She actually _was_ a doctor, so it only seemed fit that's where she'd wind up here as well.

He kept up with joking around for several more minutes with the other three men before Juliet and Amy emerged once more from down the hall.

"Come on, I'll take you to get your jumpsuit," Amy said with a smile and led Juliet out the door.

Sawyer narrowed his eyes slightly and looked around the table. "Doctors don't wear no damned jumpsuits, do they?" he questioned.

Jin shook his head. "No. Doctor's no wear jumpsuit."

"What kinda job is she getting?" Miles asked, leaning back in his chair with some thought. "I swear, if she gets on Security, we're all screwed."

Daniel smiled at this and finished his plate of spaghetti.

They all waited in silence for her to come back. When she did come back ten minutes later they all stared at the navy blue jumpsuit in her hands.

"No way," Sawyer stated, staring at it.

"You guys can do the dishes," Juliet called out as she went down the hall.

All four men watched her go.

"Only one place in this hippie commune wears that color, right?" Sawyer asked out of confusion.

Miles stared down the hall after her. "Man.. that's hot."

~*~*~

_November 20,_

_1974._

"So, you're just a jack of all trades, ain't ya?" Sawyer questioned. It was the first time since she'd gotten the job at the motor pool that he'd gotten the chance to see her work. Yet there she was, on a damned roll out cart underneath his broken down hippie bus, using power tools as though she'd done it every day of her life.

"What?" came the muffled reply.

Sawyer rolled his eyes. He nearly forgot she couldn't hear him over the power drill. She probably didn't even know he was there. He'd just popped by to see when it would be done and two of the other men had grinned and joked to him about how '_stellar_' it was to have a chick working with them before pointing to her under the van. He was also vaguely certain he heard them say they were '_stoked_' about it. No, he hadn't missed the 70's.

He kicked the side of the van twice and heard the drill flick off. He watched with some amusement as she wheeled herself out and he stared at her face where she had grease streaks on her cheek and a bandana in her hair.

"What?" Juliet asked a second time, sitting up and placing the drill down on the cart. "Don't you have better things to do?"

Sawyer chuckled and pointed to his own cheek. "You uh, you got a little.." he watched as she wiped at her cheek. He also watched as it didn't come off. "Uh.. never mind, don't worry about it," he stated with a shrug. "So what _else_ can you do?"

Juliet smirked in response to that as she got to her feet. "Like I'm going to tell you?" she teased. "I prefer to keep my mystery."

He arched an eyebrow up in response to that. "Alright, lemme' name the things I can think of off-hand," he stated. "Baby doctor," he stated, putting a finger up and ignoring her pointed look. "Pretty good with a hammer and nails from what I seen on the beach," he stated, putting a second finger up.

She chuckled in response to that. "If you can't use a hammer and nails then you're not a very bright person."

"Rifle and handgun extraordinaire," he added in, throwing up a third finger.

Juliet leaned back against the bus and watched him quietly as he tried to determine other things besides her new-found mechanics skill set.

"You speak Latin!" he threw out, giving himself a reason to put up another finger.

Juliet's eyebrows rose automatically. "I speak three different languages, James," she told him. "I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"Three?" Sawyer asked in shock. "English, Latin.. and what else?" he questioned.

Juliet smirked.

"C'mon, you can't tell me you know another language and not tell me _which_ language," Sawyer told her with annoyance.

"Sure I can," Juliet told him with a smile. "I'm also pretty good with hand-to-hand combat, want to see?"

Sawyer took a step back. "Nope, nah, I'm good."

Juliet released a laugh in response and shook her head lightly in response. "You're certifiably insane, you know that don't you?" she asked with amusement.

"So, I count 7 different things that I know of, including this mechanic thing," he pointed out. "So where'd you learn all this crap, Others 101?"

Juliet narrowed her eyes slightly in response and purposely stepped towards him, invading his personal space. "I'll show you my eighth skill of killing somebody in their sleep pretty soon, James."

Sawyer coughed in response. He should have known better than to throw that out when they were having a perfectly normal, fun-filled conversation. No one ever told him he had much tact before though. "I'll keep one eye open," he assured her.

She shook her head and turned away from him, picking up the drill and pulling the switch a few times to cause it to make a loud noise. She smirked when she noticed him jump slightly out of the corner of her eyes. "Make your own dinner tonight," she told him as she laid back down on the cart and wheeled back under the van.

Sawyer knew one thing. With comments like he threw out sometimes, he was lucky that sub wasn't coming back for six months or else Juliet might wind up joining Daniel out in the real world. He was really gonna have to work on his skills of offending other people. He only had three people left on Craphole island to watch his back now that Daniel left. And he probably shouldn't be pissing them off.

_Later that night.._

Juliet opened the front door and stepped inside. She felt like she was a complete ball of grease at this point. Just like most days after spending the day in the Motor Pool. She sighed, pulling her ponytail out as she yanked her bandana off, letting her hair fall back down her back.

"You hungry?"

Juliet paused and glanced over at Sawyer momentarily as he popped his head out of the kitchen. "Not really," she replied coolly before moving to head down the hallway.

"Aw, come on, Juliet," he muttered. "I made enough for botha' us."

Juliet turned back to him and frowned at the apologetic look that was on his face. She noted the piece of hair that fell into her face and blew it away effortlessly with a sigh. "Alright Martha, what did you make?"

Sawyer popped his head back into the kitchen and grabbed the plate before popping his head, and the plate, out from around the corner.

Juliet immediately felt the corners of her lips twitch as she tried not to smile, laugh, or do both. "Peanut butter and jelly?" she asked, succeeding in making herself look disinterested.

Sawyer frowned. "Peanut butter and banana's actually," he admitted. "Didn't have any jelly.."

This time the corners of her lips betrayed her and they curled upwards in a shit-eating grin. "You can't cook, can you?" she asked him.

"Not a damned thing," he admitted.

She released a chuckle and accepted the plate he offered her. "My sister used to make these for us for dinner," she admitted, taking a seat at the dinner table and watching as he followed with his own plate.

"You gotta sister?" he questioned, glancing at her as she took a bite of the sandwich.

Juliet lifted her eyes to meet his gaze. "Rachel," she informed him.

"Why was yer' sister always makin' you guys dinner?" he questioned curiously.

"Our parents divorced when we were young," she answered casually. "My mom worked nights, so Rachel had to make dinner."

Sawyer studied her carefully. This was really the first thing he'd ever learned about her purposely. Which was sad. After spending months in someone's companionship, he figured you should know a hell of a lot more about them. He realized he really didn't know much at all about her.

Juliet dared to look at him again and she frowned at the pity in his eyes. "Don't make it out to be a big deal," she told him. "I had a pretty good childhood," she pointed out to him. "It was just missing a parent.."

Sawyer knew what she meant by that statement. She meant compared to his, hers seemed pretty peachy to her. "Don't mean it didn't suck."

"Doesn't mean that it did," she challenged. She pushed her half-eaten sandwich forward on the table and stood. "Thanks for dinner," she added before heading down the hall.

Sawyer stared at the half-eaten sandwich and sighed.

**()()TBC()()**

**Hoe you guys enjoyed this chapter. As you can see, I don't want to FULLY focus on Sawyer/Juliet. There were other cool people there with them to interact with!**

**-Sarah**


	3. December, 1974

**Author's Note**: I'm thrilled you guys like this story so much :) I'll be doing my best to keep it as realistic as possible! And sorry for the short wait, had a few term papers due. Had to write those before I could update :)

**Living the Lie**:

_December 5,_

_1974._

At times he had to wonder just how long two people could go without _really_ speaking to each other. Sure, there was the occasional small talk that miraculously morphed into absolutely nothing. He supposed he should have seen that coming. First he'd cracked a joke a little over two weeks ago about her being an other. And he _might_ have told her that her childhood _may_ have sucked, not that he'd meant it in that sense, but she normally didn't stay mad for this long.

He wondered if it had something to do with the fact she'd finally let him in on something about her personally. There were now several small facts he knew about her past. Her parents were divorced and she had a sister named Rachel who made them peanut butter and banana sandwiches when they were young. Something sad had lit into her eyes when she'd mentioned her sister and for two weeks he'd been wondering what about her sister could make her sad.

Making sure to flip the pages of the book every few minutes as he thought wasn't as difficult as he'd thought it would be while he was thinking. So he kept sitting on the couch, kept thinking, kept flipping the pages to make him look less absorbed in his thoughts. The object of said thoughts was currently two seat cushions down reading as well, after all.

"Are you alright?"

Sawyer felt himself pulled from his thoughts and looked over at Juliet who was studying him with a strange look of worry mixed with curiosity. "Whatcha' talkin' about?"

Her brows furrowed in response. She sighed and marked her page before snapping the book shut and placing it down on the table. "You've been turning pages every three minutes, exactly three minutes," she pointed out. "You're staring at the pages, your eyes aren't even skimming," she explained. "So what's worrying you?"

That sure as hell wasn't the usual small talk from the passed two weeks. "Ya' know, Horace said you were upset _before_ I pissed you off," he stated, closing his book as well. There was no point in marking the page. He didn't even remember what the last part was that he'd read at this point. "What was bothering you a few weeks ago?"

Juliet sat there in silence as she tried to figure out what to say to him. What could she say? Apparently Horace had given her away. Now she wondered exactly _how_ much Horace had told him.

"You told H that you didn't really have a job on the ship, that you were just with somebody," he pointed out. He'd been holding that in for two weeks. It was time to throw it out there and hope the blonde would simply concede to the point that he knew something was up and open up to him. Fat chance, but he could hope. "Is it _really_ that hard for you to talk to people?"

Her eyes narrowed automatically in response. "Don't sit there judging me, James," she warned him. "You won't get any closer to figuring me out doing that then you would have locked in that cage," she stated and stood up.

Sawyer stood as she went to walk away and grabbed her hand. "Then why don't ya' just _tell_ me something, anything," he stated. "Then I wouldn't have to sit here and guess what yer' thinkin' all the damned time." He watched as she turned and looked him straight in the eyes, watched as she tried to form something in her mind to respond to him with. He wondered briefly if she was wondering if she should tell him. A minute longer of staring and she threw that thought back in his face.

"The answer to your last question," Juliet stated, pulling her hand from his. "Is yes."

"Yes?" Sawyer asked out of pure confusion. Hadn't he asked her what was bothering her? He frowned slightly, trying to figure her out.

Juliet stared at him and shook her head. "Yes, as in.. yes it really is that hard for me to talk to people," she informed him before turning once more, grabbing her book from the table, and going down the hall to her room.

Sawyer could have smacked himself in the head for that one. He wasn't getting any better at getting her to open up. And he definitely wasn't getting anymore tactful in his attempts. "Sonuvabitch.." he muttered, falling back onto the couch with a groan.

_December 6,_

_1974._

_2:37am._

Sawyer nearly fell out of bed. He almost wasn't certain at first what had woken him up, but he'd been almost positive he'd heard a shriek. _Almost_ positive. He got out of the bed slowly, clad in boxers and a t-shirt. He quietly made his way out of his bedroom and only paused when he heard it. Or heard her, rather. He stopped just outside of her door, not sure what exactly he was hearing, but it sounded like a war-zone. He gently pushed her door open and froze at what he saw.

There she was. Flailing underneath her covers as her blankets and sheets half hung off the bed in defeat. He wondered if he should do something. Wondered if he went over to her and tried to help if she would retreat even further into herself. He didn't take another minute to think that over as he heard something he could only describe as a whimper come from her. He was taking a seat on the edge of the bed immediately. "Juliet.." he said softly, reaching his hand out to her.

He frowned as she swatted his hand away and he suddenly got the feeling this had been a really bad idea. She was going to be pissed at him if she woke up and he was here. "C'mon, wake up Juliet," he told her again, placing his hand on her shoulders and shaking her lightly. Once again he nearly found himself toppling off the bed, this time her bed, as she sat up almost instantly. He got a good look at her face and saw blue eyes ready to burst as her breathing came out in an erratic display.

"Hey.. relax," he said, surprised by the gentleness in his own voice. He wasn't sure he even recognized the tone. Then again, he'd never seen Juliet show any outward signs of this much distress before either. "Was just a nightma--" he broke the statement off immediately when the blonde simply wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head into the crook of his neck. He was shocked into silence as he sat there, feeling her body shiver against his. She was downright in fear and he had no idea why. He hesitated for a moment before he wrapped his arms around her in return.

"Juliet.." he tried once more. He opened his mouth to say something else but snapped it close when he heard her finally speak. He wasn't too sure what she said. "What?" he asked immediately, hoping it wouldn't come out muffled this time. Hoping she'd at least repeat her self.

"I want to go home.." came her voice, riddled with urgency, pain, fear. "I want to go home, James.." she whispered a third time. "I hate this island.. I hate this life.." she blabbed out.

Sawyer stared down at her in silence.

"_I've been trying to get off of this island for more than three years.._"

And as quickly as her outburst came it was gone. And there was nothing but the shivers left in her wake. He realized quickly she was asleep again and he wondered if she would even recall waking up like that. He waited it out another minute before he laid her back into the bed and tucked the covers over her. As quietly as he could, he shut the door to her room a moment later before going back to his own room. What the hell kind of nightmare had she been having and.. how often did she have them?

After a little while he found himself into a troubled sleep, thinking he should have said something else. Should have told her he'd get her home. But he didn't want to make promises he probably couldn't keep. He knew he wouldn't bring this up unless she did. He also knew she wouldn't. They both needed to work on their social skills. He was just now realizing how bad they sucked.

_December 14,_

_1974._

The laughter coming from his and Juliet's house caused himself and Miles to pause and glance at each other. They both narrowed their eyes before he decided to open the door and head inside to see what was going on. And both of them stared in shock as Jin and Juliet sat on the floor covered in white powder. They were both pretty sure it was flour.

Sawyer was almost positive he'd never heard Juliet laugh so freely before. He had to admit it was almost intoxicating because it was causing him to grin even more than the scene before him was. "What the hell are you two doin'?"

"Baking.. cake," Jin stated, holding out the bowl in his hands.

Juliet bit down on her lower lip and tried not to laugh. She failed. She wound up laughing even harder at Jin's look of complete innocence. "I uh.. I was trying to teach him how," she muttered between her laughter. "But, he slipped.."

Miles broke out into a shit-eating grin at that comment. "This has gotta be the most retarded thing I've ever seen two grown people doing.."

Juliet smirked in response. "You're just mad that I'm showing Jin and not you, lover-boy," she stated with a wink.

Sawyer snorted out a laugh immediately at Miles' flushed look.

"Now somebody help my ass up," Juliet muttered. She shot Jin a side-look and smiled when he nodded a response just slightly enough that the other two men coming closer hadn't noticed it.

When the two men came over and held their hands out, her and Jin took the bowl at the same time and threw the flour up into their faces. Both of them immediately started laughing at the looks of shock that crossed Sawyer's and Miles' faces.

"You look.. like ghost, yes?" Jin asked with a grin.

Juliet laughed immediately in response. She hadn't thought that baking a cake would be _this_ remedial for Jin. She'd slowly been attempting to teach him more English and he definitely seemed to be getting the hang of it recently. She figured she'd try something new to keep his mind off of Sun. It had been an alright idea, but it had turned out to be a great one once Jin had slipped and knocked them both over, covering them in flour.

Now it got even better since they'd managed to get Sawyer and Miles as well.

"I say we throw her in the ocean," Miles volunteered, grinning mischievously at Sawyer.

Juliet's eyes widened slightly. "You wouldn't dare.." she growled out in warning, scrambling to her feet to run when Sawyer hoisted her up and tossed her over his shoulder. "James!" she shrieked out in a voice she'd _never_ used before. "Don't even think about it!"

"I get door!" Jin called out, racing to open the door for Sawyer.

"Jin!" she yelled instantly. "You're supposed to be on my side!" she groaned as she slapped Sawyer's back lightly. "Put my down you big lug!"

Sawyer grinned and let his eyes travel to her rear momentarily. He arched an eyebrow up slightly and managed to resist the urge to do something that really _would_ piss her off. All action froze as Jin opened the door and Horace stood there poised to knock. Now the man was staring in at all of them with a look of serious amusement.

"You four are probably the most interesting and entertaining bunch of people I've ever laid eyes on," Horace stated as a grin lit up his features. "I'm not sure I should even ask, what with all that laughing I heard."

Sawyer chuckled and allowed Juliet to slide back down onto her feet as he looked at Horace. He was sure they all looked pretty stupid with flour covered faces. Now that he took a good look at Juliet, he noticed for the first time she had one clear spot over one eye in the shape of a hand. It took all he could not to laugh, but after a moment he couldn't hold it in. "She started it, boss," he pointed out childishly.

Juliet smirked as her hands went to her hips. She tried her best to wipe her face off before she looked back up at Horace. "So.. what can we do for you?" she questioned with a smile. "You can come in, I promise we won't attack," she added with a grin.

Horace let out a laugh in response as he stepped inside the war-zone. He glanced around and chuckled at the flour all over the kitchen floor. "Well, I'm sure you all know Christmas is in less than two weeks," he pointed out. "Every year we have a big party in the rec-center on Christmas Eve, goes right into Christmas day," he told them. "Since we've welcomed you into Dharma, you're practically family," he assured them. "So we'd love for all of you to come as well."

She glanced at the three men and noticed them shuffling their feet with uncertainty. It surprised her that Sawyer wasn't the first one to go living up his con by accepting the invitation. She supposed that somehow an 'Island Christmas' wasn't something any of them anticipated on being around for in the 70's. Fortunately for them, she was getting fairly used to them. "Of course we'd love to come," she proclaimed for all of them in their silence.

She noticed they all had slight looks of relief that she'd taken point on that one. She gave Horace a smile that simply beamed of serenity that she wasn't truly feeling. She also watched as the three men she was slowly coming to see as friends gave way from their surprise and nodded as well.

"Wonderful!" Horace explained with a clap of his hands. "You could also consider as a sort of.. welcome to the Dharma Initiative party as well," he told them with a smile. "I'll let you four get back to.. whatever it was you were doing," he stated with a grin before letting himself out and shutting the door.

Silence ensued after Horace's exit for over a minute as they all looked around at each other.

"Nice save," Miles piped in suddenly, glancing at Juliet. He envied her ability to hide her surprise in that moment because none of the rest of them had managed to do so.

Juliet turned to reply when she noticed Sawyer was missing. She arched an eyebrow up slightly and turned back towards the door. "Where did--" a tap on her shoulder cut her off and she turned. She stood in relative shock when something sticky squirted her right in the face. She stared at Sawyer holding chocolate syrup with her mouth open slightly.

Miles and Jin were both shocked and amused at the same time, neither one knowing exactly what they should do in response to what they saw him do. At first they thought she looked like she was about to erupt like a volcano, but suddenly a smile broke out onto her face and instead she just started laughing.

"Payback's a bitch," she conceded with a grin as she licked chocolate from her lower lip.

Sawyer laughed immediately and grinned. "Damn straight, Betty Crocker. Now show us inbred men how to bake a cake."

Juliet released a chuckle, wiped some syrup off her with the palm of her hand and tapped him on the cheek playfully. "Sure thing, I'll make you my little proteges."

_December 19,_

_1974._

_4:28am._

He heard it again early this morning. The trashing around as blankets were once again being strewn around her bed. He laid there this time, trying to determine a way that he should bring this up to her. There was no chance in hell it could be healthy to have so many nightmares. But she seemed to have them most nights. He was pretty sure they were getting worse, especially now, when he heard footsteps making a quick race just a few steps down the hall.

The sounds of her wretching were enough for him to throw his own covers off and head towards the bathroom. He glanced in at her with her head over the toilet as she emptied whatever contents remained in her stomach from the night before. He stayed silent as she finished, as she sat there with her head in her hands for a few moments and it was only then that he spoke. "What the hell haunts you that much?" he questioned.

He felt bad. Because she toppled over from her kneeling position and landed flat on her ass on the linoleum as she looked over at him with sheer embarrassment. He shouldn't feel bad, he doesn't _actually_ even like her, does he? That's a lie. Living together for three months gave him a new appreciation for her. She was as haunted by her own life as he was by his. Except he was long passed the stages of nightmares. They were only an occasional occurrence these days.

Finally he found himself squatting down in front of her on the bathroom floor as her knees were drawn up to her chest and her hands were covering her face as she tried to control her emotional state. He knew exactly what she was doing. It was the same thing he'd done for years after his the deaths of his parents. She was trying to deal with whatever plagued her mind on her own, or rather, simply not deal with it at all.

"Why are you awake?" her voice finally managed out in an even and practiced tone of normality. She wasn't really mad at him particularly. She was mad at herself for getting caught in this position. Mad at herself, at Jack, at Ben, at the world. But not him. He hadn't done anything wrong. Not yet anyways. Though she didn't doubt he'd say something he didn't quite mean and unintentionally offend her. He was pretty good at doing things he didn't mean to do. She would know. She was getting fairly good at it as well.

Sawyer arched an eyebrow up at her in response. "Well, if we made a recordin' of you every damned night, pretty sure you'd know why I'm up," he assured her.

Her hands revealed her face immediately as her eyes locked with his. He was kidding, wasn't he? "It's none of your business, James," she told him cautiously, moving to stand when his hands came down and rested on her shoulders, keeping her seated in place on the floor. "What are you doing?"

"Why don't ya just let somebody help ya?" he questioned now, staring at her intently. He hoped that maybe this was his chance to get in there. Right after a nightmare, when the emotions were still raw and the walls might have a chip in them. But chipped or not, he saw the defiance in her eyes. Those walls might have been chipped, but it was gonna take a hell of a lot more than that before she told him shit.

"Do you know how many people I've killed, James?" she asked suddenly, blue eyes studying him to ascertain what he might be thinking about her question. She didn't give him time to respond. "Because I don't," she stated, staring down at her hands with a look of distaste. "I didn't want to keep count, I don't want to know.." she told him. "I want to forget, because I never would have done that if I'd never come to this god-damned island spawned from Hell."

Sawyer was silent in response. He hadn't expected her to say anything. Hadn't expected even a glimpse of what might have been wrong but she'd just told him the epitome of her insanity. He sat down with his back to the wall and for a while neither of them moved. He wasn't even sure how long he sat there, him staring at nothing while she stared at her own blood-stained hands that only she could see.

The silence was broken. "I want to blame somebody else, blame Richard for recruiting me here, blame Ben for keeping me here, blame Jack for leaving me here," she muttered, her back against the back of the bathtub. "But I can't."

Sawyer finally raised his eyes to look at her, but her eyes hadn't moved from their target. She was looking at her hands with more hate than one person should have for anyone let alone themselves.

"I can't because in the end no one forced my hand, there was no gun to my head with someone who was going to pull the trigger if I didn't pull mine," she told him. "I think the thought of going home was the emotional gun to my head, but that's all that it was.." she muttered, shaking her head. "I'm the only one I can blame for my own actions."

Sawyer wished he could own up to what he did as she was doing. He found it easier to blame everyone else except for himself. You didn't feel as guilty if you weren't the only one to blame. And although she had a point in her words, he couldn't bring himself to believe that everything she'd done was her fault and her fault only. She was right, in a sense, in what she didn't believe was a factor. Had she never been brought here and forced to stay, she never would have killed a single person. Well, he hoped anyways. He didn't _really_ know her at all. He knew two vague things about her off-island life. Maybe he should have said something, but his voice wasn't connecting with his mindset.

"Nobody can help me, James," she assured him as she got to her feet and left the bathroom.

The next thing he heard was the sound of her bedroom door clicking closed. He sighed and laid his head against the wall and stayed there a few moments longer. He should have said something. He'd just been too surprised that she was talking to have the balls to stop her. But maybe those walls around her weren't as high as she pretended they were. Either way, he really, definitely should have said something.

_December 24,_

_1974._

_9:30pm. _

_Dharma Christmas Party._

"Jerry say, Juliet has nice shake, when she.. dance," Jin told Miles as she handed the other man a beer he'd gone to fetch for them. "What does.. nice shake, mean?"

Miles snorted immediately. "That's no shake," he assured the Korean. "That's an unhappy meal," he stated, pointing out Juliet's semi-distracted facade for the passed five days. Both men studied the blonde who was mingling alone at the moment, waving off dance offers. Miles had to admit she looked pretty good in a dress. Then again, a few months ago he'd been so used to her wearing that blue button up shirt or the dirty tank top that anything clean made her look a lot more attractive. But the dress brought out the curves.

He rolled his eyes and drew a breath. So she was hot. She was a bitch too, not that he cared about that either. She was pretty interesting as a person, he gave her that. And she gave as good as insults as she got. He guessed that was probably why he grew to like her. That and their constant bickering through the form of jokes made her a hell of a lot more fun than he would have thought.

"Juliet is.. not happy?" Jin questioned. He hadn't been too sure of Juliet for a while because of Sun. But, the lessons in English were nice. He supposed he finally had been willing to admit his wife had been wrong about Juliet the day they had the cake-baking incident where he'd knocked them both over and covered them in flour. It had made him realize, that after their attack on Sawyer and Miles, there were worse people he could have gotten stuck time-traveling with. Besides the crazy French people.

"Lover's quarrel," Miles assured him. "Jim and her haven't talked in five days, guarantee he offended her again."

Jin tried to concentrate on that sentence. "You love?"

Miles rolled his eyes. "I forgot about your language barrier," he admitted with a shake. "Not me, Jim," he stated.

Jin looked even more confused. "James love.. Juliet?"

"No!" Miles stated. "It's just a saying, meaning they had a fight.." he stated with another classic eye-roll. "They're always fighting, nothing new."

Jin shrugged. "Oh." He wasn't entirely sure he understood at all. Best to just pretend.

Miles chuckled. "We'll make you fluent in man-speak in no time, my man."

_December 25,_

_1974._

_12:00am._

Juliet stood in silence as she closed her eyes and kept her back against the wall. She'd done the necessary chit-chatting for a while. Sat with Amy for a while longer. It was nearing midnight, nearly Christmas day. She could mark off yet another Christmas she spent on the island. Seemed strange. She'd been marking Island Christmases off on a calender in the 21st century. Now she was going to have to start marking them off in the 20th century.

She heard a clock chime. And a moment later she heard something else and she opened her eyes to see a wrapped box being shaken in front of her face. She narrowed her eyes slightly before she looked at the person offering the present. She was a bit more surprised at who it was. How the hell did he even get a damned present? "What's that?"

"Christmas present," came the instant reply.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," she retorted with a roll of her eyes. "Who is it for?"

Sawyer arched an eyebrow up now. He waved a present in her face and she didn't know it was for her? He tried to see if she was kidding but from what he could see, she didn't appear to be. "You, wise-ass."

Juliet stiffened slightly in response as her eyes went from his face to the present still in front of her face. He'd gotten her a present? She didn't take it. Instead she stared at it with uncertainty. "You got me a present," it came out as a fact rather then a question.

"So it would seem," Sawyer replied, watching her carefully. He could see the hesitation as she tried to figure out what to do or say. Obviously taking the gift wasn't on her immediate to-do list. So he lowered it down so he could stop looking like a complete fool. "You gonna take it?"

Juliet glanced from the gift to him once more. "What's the catch?" she asked him.

"No catch," he assured her, forcing himself not to roll his eyes.

Juliet chewed on the inside of her lip as he held it out to her again. He probably put something completely stupid in there just to play a prank. She was probably going to get pissed, she'd say something to piss him off in return, and they wouldn't talk for yet another week. She gave in though, reaching her hands out and taking the neatly wrapped gift into her hands. She turned it about in her fingers, inspecting it. "Why?" she asked suddenly, looking back up at him.

Sawyer frowned in response. "Just open it." He should have known she'd be suspicious about him giving her a present for Christmas. Hell, he'd be suspicious of him too if he were any other person who knew him.

Juliet hesitated for a brief moment before she let her fingers curl under one edge and she peeled the paper off. She placed the wrapping paper on the table and glanced at the plain white box with the Dharma symbol on the top and she barely managed not to just throw the box back at him and run for the hills before she became the butt of another practical joke. Instead she lifted the top of the box off and peeked inside suspiciously; cautiously.

In another second she pulled the object out, placing the box onto the table and staring down at it's contents in her hands. Her eyes softened almost immediately as she ran her fingertips over it carefully. She took a deep breath and glanced back up at him. "A dream catcher.." she said wistfully. Her eyes locked with his for a moment before they drifted back down and she found herself staring at the object in her hands. It was probably the first thing anybody had ever given her that had any real meaning behind it. That had any real thought to it. And it would figure that it came from the person who liked her the least.

"You okay?" Sawyer questioned, suddenly more unsure of the gift then he already had been. It had taken him more then a little courage to ask Amy if there was a chance to get one. She had said something about Paul having one in a box somewhere and that she would dig it out for him. Said she'd have no use for it, and that it was probably time to start letting Paul go. He knew she wasn't fully ready. But he guessed letting go of one of his possessions had been a pretty good start.

"Why?" she asked again, her voice filled with uncertainty. She was positive that her eyes shown the same uncertainty as the tone of her voice held, but she had no qualms with that at the moment. She simply didn't understand him. "After everything I did to you, to everyone, why do you even care?" and even if he had an answer, she was pretty sure she still wouldn't understand.

Sawyer shrugged a little in response. "We all do shit we regret," he told her. "I'm learnin' you gotta forgive and forget," he assured her. "And if _nobody_ can help you, maybe _somethin_' can."

Juliet was silent now as she dropped her eyes again to the delicate dream catcher in her hands. "Forgive.. yes.." she replied softly. "But I'm not sure any of us ever truly forget, James.." she replied, feeling like her voice might waver. "The sad thing is.. this is probably the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

He hid his surprise. "Whatcha' mean?" he dared to ask.

"I mean.. the best gift I ever got just came from a man who practically despises my very being," she pointed out. "That really doesn't say much for me.." she only half-joked. It took a moment for her to realize how completely rude she was being now. "I'm sorry.." she apologized immediately. "It's just.. I mean.." she sighed, blowing out a breath of frustration. "Thank you."

"Chin-up, sunshine," Sawyer stated playfully. "Yer' welcome.. and you're forgiven," he stated. "For ever'thing."

Juliet watched in a stunned silence as he walked away from her. Forgive and forget.. was it _really_ as easy as he'd just made it out to be?

**()()TBC()()**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I tried to make it extra nice for you guys. :)**


	4. January, 1975

**Let's make it simple. I really love writing this story.**

**Living the Lie**:

_January 1,_

_1975._

Sawyer had to admit. In the five days since Christmas he hadn't heard a peep from Juliet in the middle of the night. He wasn't sure if he should chalk that up to the dream catcher or if maybe she was managing to be quieter somehow. He hoped it was the former but he seriously doubted the little trinket had any real special ability to subdue her nightmares. He still wondered what they were all about. And she still managed to avoid the topic of it.

Though he had noticed her attitude toward him had drastically changed after Christmas. They hadn't fought yet anyways. That was probably a plus. Surprising as well, considering he was pretty sure he'd made some inconsiderate remarks towards her a few times without meaning to. The problem was, you didn't know what would or wouldn't offend someone when you didn't know anything about them. Only one thing became obvious after their second month here. Talking about their parents was a topic that was off-limits. Neither one had dared bring it up again.

He found himself chuckling. Watching a tanked Juliet and Miles playing a drinking game. He and Jin simply watched and laughed at the two. Truthfully, he'd expected to be the one tanked in place of Juliet. For one of the first times he knew why people thought it was fun to _watch_ the drunks. They were currently trying to flip coins across the table into the other person's cup. If they got it in, the other one had to drink.

But Juliet had long given up trying to make it in. Unlike Miles who had his tongue out and one eye squeezed shut in a desperate attempt at concentration. And _just_ as he was about to flip his coin across the table, he felt something hit him smack dab in the forehead. "What the hell.." he muttered as he watched Juliet snicker.

Sawyer arched an eyebrow. Juliet had just flipped her coin and nailed Miles straight in the forehead. Jin was cracking up beside him. But Sawyer sat there wondering how drunk she really was. She couldn't flip her coin into the damned cup, but she could nail Miles in the forehead? He almost opened his mouth to call her on it but he realized what she was doing. She was _trying_ to get tanked. She wanted Miles to make it in because she wanted to drink.

Too bad Miles sucked at the game sober. Now that he was completely trashed he'd only gotten worse. Sawyer had to chuckle at her measly attempt to let him win. Ten rounds of flipping had passed with no one taking a drink. Finally he snatched the coin from the other man. "Alright sharpshooter, yer' flagged," he muttered. He watched Miles cuss and walk away for a beer from the fridge before winking at Juliet who gave him an appreciative smile.

Immediately he flipped the coin, straight into her cup.

Juliet eyed it for a moment as she gingerly picked the coin out with her fingertips and downed the cup. She flicked it back while in mid chug and supplied him with his own reason to start getting drunk.

"Ah.. so your secret powers come to light!" Sawyer stated with a chuckle. He pulled the coin out and chugged his as well, and watched as Jin refilled the two cups. "I'd suggest teams, but whoever gets Miles is screwed.."

"I heard that!" came Miles grumbled reply as he walked back into the room and handed a open bottle of whiskey to Jin. "You gotta catch up, Jin my man!"

Juliet bit down on her lip to hide her chuckle as Jin took a swig and nearly gagged. "This is the weirdest New Years ever.." she muttered as Sawyer flipped the coin into her cup once more. "Want to see a trick?" she questioned with a daring look in her eyes.

Sawyer arched both brows up in response. "Do it."

Juliet chugged the drink without taking the coin out. A minute later she spat the coin flying across the table and straight into his cup.

Sawyer stared at it distastefully for a moment. "That's disgustin'.." he stated, though he was slightly envious. That was one thing he _couldn't_ do in a drinking game. "Where the _hell_ did you learn to do that?"

"I think it was _hot_," Miles assured her as he took a swig of whiskey and handed it back to Jin.

All three looked at him.

Juliet smirked before glancing back at Sawyer. "My sister," she told him. It was the first time since their second month here that she'd brought up something from her own personal life. "Truthfully I wasn't sure I could still do it, haven't tried since college."

Sawyer let out a laugh in response. "Shoulda' known you were a party girl in college," he muttered as he chugged the drink. He realized after a moment he didn't take the coin out. He was pretty sure he might have just swallowed it.

Juliet stared at him momentarily. She thought he was gonna try and spit it across the table like she did. After a moment she felt a laugh protrude from her lips when she realized he'd forgotten and swallowed it instead. "Well, guess this games over," she stated. She grabbed the whiskey bottle from Jin mid-pass to Miles.

"Hey!" Miles growled out in frustration.

Sawyer watched in shock as she took a long swig and hardly made a face about the taste. "Jesus, you got some alcohol tolerance, don't ya'?" he questioned.

Juliet smiled and took a second swig before handing it to Miles' waiting hand. "You have no idea," she stated with a shrug. "If the idea of being a boozer on an island in the middle of nowhere didn't have its downsides, I would have become an alcoholic years ago."

Sawyer felt himself laugh in response as the bottle was passed to him and he took a swig. He almost wanted to gag. Almost. But he stopped himself. That would just look bad if she could take it with no reaction, but it had been a while since he'd drank whiskey from the bottle. "Well, happy freakin' new year," he muttered and took a swig. "Least we ain't in diapers no more."

Miles narrowed his eyes slightly. "Speak for yourself!"

Juliet had just taken a sip of a beer and spit it out almost immediately as she released a laugh. "You're still in diapers?" she asked him.

"I'm only gettin' close to seven here and yer' in damned diapers.." he muttered with a shake of his head.

"Diapers?" Miles questioned. "Haven't even hit that stage yet," he admitted. "I'm in the womb!"

Juliet let her jaw drop.

Jin choked on a pretzel.

Sawyer smacked him on the back until it went down right.

"And to think.." Juliet muttered. "I'm only about getting to five.. but somehow I now feel really old."

Sawyer had to laugh at that one.

_Two hours later.._

Jin had long since dragged Miles home.

Sawyer sat on the floor of their living room with Juliet shoulder to shoulder beside him. He wasn't sure how he talked her into '_I never_'. But he did. Unfortunately he had to admit he was pretty plastered, and their 'never' statements had yet to yield any real results just yet about anything vaguely interesting. He went for the same tactic he tried on Kate. "I never.. been married."

Juliet hesitated momentarily, nearly sobering at the moment. She locked eyes with him beside her before she took a swig from the rum bottle. Mixing liquors was such a horrible idea. They were going to hate themselves in the morning. Or afternoon at the rate they kept going. It was already 4am.

Sawyer arched an eyebrow slightly in response. He didn't say anything. They'd made it a rule. You didn't ask questions about the things the other drank for.

"I never.. slept with a married woman," she challenged, and watched as he eyed her with vague annoyance before he took a swig of his drink.

"Never slept with a married man," Sawyer threw back. He'd just meant it as a joke, to lighten the mood. But her face dropped, a look of grief crossed her features, and she took a swig. He hadn't expected that one.

"Never been in love," Juliet stated, hearing the near slur in her own voice. She hadn't slurred words since college. She should be flagged, she knew it. But it didn't stop her, even though she knew most there was to know about him. She watched him take a swig. She took one as well.

Sawyer saw this going just as badly as it had with Kate. Too late now though. "Never shacked up with Ben," he challenged.

Juliet narrowed her eyes at him instantly. Tanked or not. She knew he'd just gone for a low blow whether he knew it or not. She let her eyes do the talking, and she didn't take a swig. Here it came. Now they were drunk and going to start fighting. Eventually she was going to make it seven straight days without having a fight with him.

Sawyer could see the slight rage hiding behind her eyes. He realized now she had a lot more trouble hiding behind those walls when she's had one too many. Though it had taken quite a lot to shed them down some. He felt bad though. And took a swig just for the fun of it. He watched as the tight-lipped frown started curling upwards at the edges and a laugh flowed suddenly from her lips. He couldn't help but grin in response. At least he'd managed to fix that blunder.

"I never.." she paused, trying to think of something. And Jesus the alcohol was really starting to take over. Things were spinning a little bit. She actually enjoyed the sensation of being drunk for the first time in a while and allowed her head to droop over and rest on his shoulder. She knew if she were sober she'd likely have shot herself in the foot for this. But at the moment, it didn't really matter. And he didn't seem to notice. "I never.." she frowned now. She never what?

Sawyer arched an eyebrow up and glanced at her. She had a look of frustration on her face that made him want to bust out laughing. He managed to hold it in though and found himself grinning instead. She couldn't see his grin anyways. Drunk Juliet was definitely fun.

"Screw it.." she mumbled, shaking her head. "What do you wanna know so bad?"

Sawyer looked down at her shocked momentarily. "What?"

Juliet dared to let her eyes glance upwards at him as she rolled her head off his shoulder and leaned it back against the wall. "Well let's face it, James.." she said with a sigh and took a swig of rum. "I know all about you, which is complitterly.. uh.. completely.. unfair.." she stated, her eyes narrowing at her mistake. "So shoot.. ask me a few questions you really wanna know the answer to."

Sawyer was silent for a moment as he drank from his own bottle. "Still married?" he wondered out loud first. He wasn't too sure why that was the first thing he asked about. Probably because he knew she had been after multiple rounds of the game. It was one of the few personal things he'd actually managed from her.

"Nope.." came her immediate reply. No thought, no hesitation. "Divorced," she admitted with a shrug. She didn't wait for him to ask why, her alcohol induced stated had her admitting it willingly. Something she was definitely going to regret in the morning. "He was an ash.. ash-hole.. ass.. yeah.. asshole.." she mumbled as her head lolled somewhat and landed back onto his shoulder. _So tired.._ she thought numbly. _Such a bad idea.. _"I wanted one man to fulfill my every needs.. he wanted _every _woman to fulfill his one.." she grumbled bitterly.

Sawyer took a couple more swigs and by now he was feeling it too. He probably shouldn't have asked.

"Does it.. does it bother you?" Juliet asked suddenly, feeling slightly more alert and taking a swig of liquid courage. Time to open stupid still sore wounds. No better time than the present.

Sawyer glanced at her in confusion. "That ya' been married? Why would it?" he wondered curiously. He realized after a moment her past marriage and divorce wasn't what she meant. "Wait.. what are ya' talkin' 'bout?" the accent was getting thicker. _Drank way too damned much.._ he thought with regret.

"That.. they used us to get at each other..?" Juliet managed out a moment later, feeling her eyes getting droopy.

Sawyer frowned immediately, feeling a bit more sober. He supposed it'd be rude to not answer since she'd answered his question openly. Problem was, he'd been trying to ignore thoughts about Kate and she'd just brought them all raining back in. He was drunk, but not drunk enough to have this conversation with her. He was about to tell her so when something else came from her lips.

"Got bad luck with men.." came her voice, slightly lulled in a sleep-deprived and alcohol induced tone. "Should.. prolly' just give up.." she mumbled, her eyes slowly closing. After a moment they were completely closed. "No more men.." she proclaimed. "Gonna be.. a hermit..crab.."

Sawyer choked out a laugh immediately when she added crab onto the end and he caught her wry smile. She'd done it on purpose. Obviously she'd realized how much she'd just revealed about herself and wanted to at least get a joke in there."Sounds like a plan, Xena," he joked playfully.

One blue eye opened as she looked at him. "I said a hermit.. not a lesbian warrior wonder woman.." she muttered. "Some people.. just.. not meant.."

Sawyer chuckled as the sentence trailed off into soft snores. He couldn't really decipher what she'd been trying to say at the end. He went to stand and figured he'd at least carry her to her room. That was before he realized how unsteady he was on his feet. He adjusted his eyes and balance before managing to get her onto the couch and throwing a blanket over her before he jumped into the recliner, reclined it, and zonked out himself.

He fell asleep with one thought. Never play _I Never_ with Juliet. She can drink at a steady pace for hours before it hits her.

_January 6,_

_1975._

It was getting towards midnight when Juliet left Amy's house. She had decided to bond with Amy today. She'd sat at her house and told her all about the man, Jack, that she'd lost in the shipwreck. The man she thought she could have loved. The two of them had gotten slightly tipsy. Well, she'd gotten tipsy. Amy had been full-on passed out in a drunken stupor when she'd finally left. It had worked though. Amy had confided in her about losing Paul.

At first she figured she was doing it for Amy's benefit. But she realized now, as she was heading back to her own Dharma house, that it had been just as therapeutic for herself. She had to stop drinking, it was giving her the courage to speak her mind about things that should have been left alone. Such as her past. Or what she was about to do now, now that she'd gotten inside and found Sawyer reading a book on the couch. "Hey James?"

Sawyer glanced up at the question in her tone and watched her momentarily as she took a seat on the recliner next to the couch. He arched an eyebrow slightly and smelled the alcohol coming off of her. But he didn't say anything about it. "Yea'?"

Juliet frowned slightly and leaned forward, her elbows resting on her thighs and her chin resting on her hands. "It's been almost four months.." she pointed out.

He got the feeling he knew where this conversation was heading. He also got the feeling he wasn't really going to like it.

"Do you.. think they're really going to come back?" she asked him, closing her eyes. She knew it was probably going to piss him off. She knew he wanted to think they still had a chance, that the idea they would come back was probably what kept him sane. But Jin and Miles weren't saying anything. Somebody _had_ to bring it up eventually. And how long could they stay here and have it fly by that all they wanted to do was find their missing crew?

Sawyer opened his mouth to let out a verbal whiplash that would make her head spin, but he stopped when he noticed there was a certain pain in her features. He realized that it wasn't that she didn't want them to come back, it was that she was afraid that they wouldn't. He couldn't stop the comment that flowed from his mouth. "Ya' think I don't wonder 'bout that?" he grumbled, snapping the book shut. "Newsflash Blondie, you ain't the only one who lost somebody."

"That's not.." she paused, frowning. This was why liquid courage was a bad idea. She didn't think perpetually well when intoxicated, and it didn't help that he was completely sober. She opened her eyes and glanced over, seeing the slight anger on his features. "I'm sorry," she stated, putting her hands up in defeat. She stood up and turned her back on him.

Sawyer shook his head at her slightly and opened the book back up. He looked up when he noticed her pause at the corner before she rounded into the hallway. She had her hand on the corner but she didn't turn to look at him. He opened his mouth to say something but she spoke first.

"You know.. even if they don't," she said quietly. "I'll still have your back."

Sawyer felt both brows furrow in response. His jaw slackened slightly and it made him feel bad about snapping at her. For once she'd come openly to him to talk and he'd thrown it in her face. Somehow she had a magical knack for making him feel bad after he snaps at her. And instead of waiting for him to respond, he heard her feet padding down the hall and he listened. There was no sound of her door shutting and he sighed. He shut the book again and placed it down before heading towards his own room.

He shot a glance into her room just in time to see flesh as she lifted her shirt over her head. He made a mental note. Tipsy Juliet forgets to close her bedroom door when she's getting changed. After a few seconds he caught himself staring, noticing he'd stopped his retreat to his own bedroom to watch her yank out shorts and a tank top for bed while clad in jeans and a bra. He quickly shook his head and moved on to his own room. He didn't want to test her theory about her ability to kill somebody in their sleep if she caught him watching.

He took one last glance into her room from his doorway and caught sight of the dream catcher hanging above her bed. He felt himself smile a little before he went inside his room and shut the door.

_January 18,_

_1975._

Somebody clearly hated him. He'd been sharing drinks with Jerry at his home when a brunette walked in. Wavy brown hair, freckles, green eyes. She resembled Kate to an extreme. And Jerry had introduced his 'girl' as 'Kat'. Now it was getting late, and he was sitting on the couch in the house he shared with Juliet with Kate on his brain. He'd already washed down a six-pack with Jerry earlier. He'd gone through another here. And he was half-way through yet another and pretty close to obnoxiously drunk when the front door opened and Juliet came in wearing the navy blue jumpsuit.

Juliet eyed the empty beer cans warily as she looked at him on the couch. She hesitated at the door now, wondering if she should stay there to make a quick escape. He looked downright miserable and ready to jump at anybody who said anything. If she didn't remember so clearly that night he'd woken her up and let her _cling_ to him in the early morning, if he hadn't been so undeniably sweet at Christmas, she probably would have taken the escape.

But instead her eyes softened slightly at the sight of his miserable form. He'd definitely met Katrina. And she'd wondered how long that was going to take. For a long time neither of them said anything to the other, at least, not until she leaned against the door. "Are you hungry?" she questioned, not too sure what to do or say to him.

"Nope," came his reply as he popped open another can of beer.

There was another moment of silence before she dared to try again. "Do you.. want to talk about it? About.. her?" she asked him, caution and worry clouding her features. He looked about ready to kill. She really should have just left.

"It _look_ like I wanna chat, darlin'?" he sputtered out, finishing off yet another beer and crushing the can. He hadn't noticed her move. He only noticed it when he reached for the last one from this six-pack and her hand wrapped around his wrist to stop him.

"Maybe you should stop.." she suggested, kneeling down before him. "Drinking won't make your problems go away, James.." she said softly.

Sawyer eyed her and yanked his wrist from her hand before grabbing the other beer. "Ain't stopped you," he pointed out as he popped it open and took a long hard swig of it.

Juliet nearly shut up right there. Probably should have. But she didn't. It would be wrong to let him sit there and do this to himself and she knew that. "The difference here is that I was drinking _with_ people, not by myself.." she explained carefully. "Maybe you should go sleep it off--"

"I don't need yer' advice," he seethed out. "Just cause you like to chit-chat some when ya' get tanked don't mean I do," he warned her. "And just cause you got the emotions of a damned rock don't mean I do too." And he didn't mean it. He _knew_ he didn't. But it just felt so God-damned good to finally take out his frustrations on somebody.

Juliet's lips parted to reply but she snapped her mouth closed without saying anything at all. She kept her face blank, realizing a little too late that was probably a bad idea. Fuel for the fire..

"See?" he stated, waving his hand before her face. "Nothin'," he stated with a shrug and took another sip. "I tell ya' that ya' got no feelin's and you stare at me like I just told you I liked freakin' pie."

Juliet bit down on her lip and went to stand when his fingers coiled around her wrist. She glanced back down at him and once again her eyes softened at the distraught look on his face.

"I loved her," he admitted, letting go of the blonde's wrist and taking another swig of the beer. He watched with surprise as she simply took a seat beside him on the couch. "But she freakin' loved Jack.." he muttered, shaking his head and chugging the beer. "Not that you care 'bout any of this.." he stated.

She frowned slightly and placed her hand over his as he placed it on the couch. "James.."

"James.. James.. James.." he mumbled, shaking his head again. "Always James with you, well guess what?" he questioned, pulling his hand out from under hers. "Just cause you say my first name don't mean squat," he assured her. "It don't make us.. like this," he stated, crossing his fingers. And still, he didn't regret what he was saying now. But he knew he was going to. Which is why he should stop. Why he wanted to stop. He still didn't though. "You don't care 'bout nothin'," he pointed out, leaning back against the couch and finishing the beer, crushing it, and throwing it onto the table with the others. "Prolly all those man issues.."

Juliet stood up. She knew she should take everything he'd just said to her with a grain of salt, but it still hurt. And she found herself needing to stay anywhere but here at the moment. "Go to hell, _Sawyer_," she growled out. "Next time you want to take out all of your damned frustrations, go find somebody else." She only stopped when his fingers once again coiled gently around her wrist, and she turned back to look at him for a second time.

"Maybe you shoulda' gotten on the sub.." he stated with a shrug. And it became a fact now. He didn't need to sober up. He now felt absolutely horrible as he saw a few tears sting her blue eyes.

She simply slapped his hand off of her wrist and went right out the front door, nearly body-checking Miles as she shoved passed him outside the door.

Miles stared in shock. He grabbed hold of her quickly. "Whoa.. hey, what's the – are you crying?" he asked, suddenly worried. He recoiled as she pulled away and went quickly over to Amy's house. He watched as she stood outside the door momentarily before Amy opened it and immediately pulled her inside. He glanced into the house he was standing outside of and stared at Sawyer who was staring into his can of beer. "What the hell'd you do to her?" he questioned.

"None of yer' damned business," he muttered, standing up and shutting the door in his face.

_January 24,_

_1975._

She hadn't come back. Not yet. Not since the day he'd basically tore into her and told her she was emotionless, cared about nothing and then proceeded to tell her she should have gotten on the sub. The sub she'd neglected to get on because _he'd_ asked her not to. And it wasn't as though he didn't notice the slightly enraged looks Amy shot him when she was nearby.

He'd screwed up. It had been almost a week and he'd yet to get the courage to go apologize to her. Miles even seemed a little unhappy with the situation. In six days, Juliet had only shared lunch or dinner with Jin. And that still wasn't a lot. Most times he caught her sitting with Amy and Horace. Today he watched as Horace came and sat across from him. Neither man spoke for several minutes as they ate lunch and it was Horace who had broken the silence.

"Listen, Jim.." Horace began carefully. "I'm not sure what happened, what was said between you two," he admitted. "Truthfully, Juliet hasn't said a word about it, but you look guilty as hell and she's been talking about getting on the next sub.." he told him. He watched the look of alert that flashed across the other man's face. "I'm guessing you owe her one hell of an apology.."

Sawyer sighed and ran his fingers though his hair. "You got no idea, boss.."

"Flowers are usually a nice touch," Horace assured him, patting him on the shoulder before leaving.

_January 25,_

_1975._

He was waiting for her when she left the motor pool and made her way up to Amy's house. He was sitting on the steps. "Hey.." he said softly, managing not to bolt.

Juliet was silent as she paused by the steps and watched him. "I'm really not interested in anything else you might want to say to me," she pointed out as she went around him and up the steps. She felt his fingertips graze her wrist, but he'd pulled them away quickly before he actually grabbed her. She sighed slightly and turned anyways. And came face-to-face with a sunflower. She arched an eyebrow up slightly in response and stared it him. "What's that for?"

"Thought it might go well with, '_I'm sorry',"_ he admitted with slight shrug. "Look.. I didn't _mean_ any of that crap," he told her, feeling stupid as he held the flower out to her. "I was frustrated.. pissy, and you.. were handy."

Juliet sighed slightly as she accepted the flower. What _was_ it with him? While he could be a complete ass, he could be really sweet too. And the flower did her in. No one ever really gave her flowers. Ben had. She shuddered slightly without meaning to and saw the look that crossed his face.

"Look.. I really am sorry, I know it pissed ya' off.." he stated, taking her shudder the wrong way.

Juliet watched his look of guilt grow. And she wanted to let him sit there and keep feeling like a jackass but she couldn't. She hadn't ever seen him really apologize to anyone else before. "It's alright.." she finally admitted, locking eyes with him.

"Maybe I could make ya' dinner.." he suggested with a shrug of his shoulders.

Juliet lifted one eyebrow in response. "Are you going to make peanut butter and banana sandwiches again?" she questioned.

"Prolly'," he admitted.

Juliet smiled a little. "Alright then.."

**()()TBC()()**

**I planned to keep going but I just got conned into babysitting duty for the night. I know a few of you are waiting for FFF. I can probably get that up late tonight or tomorrow. :)**

**(If there's anything fun and exciting you want to see in these three years, you're free to tell me! I have a plan, but I can always include extra stuff! There's always room for more!)**


	5. February, 1975 Part One

**Wow. The last chapter had a big turn-out. Thanks guys! (This chapter is a hell of a lot longer then I planned for it to be.)**

**Living the Lie**: (February, part 1)

_February 2,_

_1975._

Surprisingly enough, nobody seemed to question why she never moved back into the house with Sawyer. Sure, she _had_ told him she forgave him, but the truth of the matter was, she had stayed here because he asked her too. And he had thrown that into her face along with some of the few personal things he knew about her. She couldn't leave. She knew that for certain, not to mention there was still a chance to go home. To _really_ go home. But that didn't mean she had to live in the same house as him.

She hadn't had to ask if she could stay with Amy since the other woman had offered almost immediately after the fight. And now she was standing near the dock beside Miles, as the sub came in early with some new recruits. "Why are we here again?" she whispered to him.

Miles smirked. "Cause we're off, and they needed people to bring the recruits into the barracks," he pointed out. "So.. still staying with Amy?"

"Yes," she answered, not bothering to elaborate.

"Because of the lover's quarrel, or do you just play both sides of the fence?" Miles questioned. He almost regretted the question as the palm of her hand smacked him upside the back of his head. "Ow! Damn.. I was kidding."

Juliet eyed him.

"Sort of.." Miles admitted.

Juliet felt her lips twitch into a smile and she shook her head. "You're such a--"

Miles glanced over at her when she broke off mid-sentence. "Such a what?" he questioned. She never broke off from her insults before. What had stopped her this time? He glanced over at the kid and his father that Horace was talking to and frowned. It took him a moment to realize that Sawyer, who was standing guard over by the sub was staring at this kid with a strange look as well. "What's going on?" he growled under his breath.

He watched as Horace led the man and his son towards himself and Juliet. He noticed Juliet had covered up her strange look and now had a blank look on her face. How did she _do _that?

"Juliet, Miles," Horace said with a nod. "This is Roger Linus and his son Ben," he introduced them. "Would one of you mind taking them back and over to the rec center?"

Juliet noticed Miles was too stunned to speak and managed not to sigh in frustration. "Not a problem," she agreed with a smile.

"Wonderful!" Horace said with a clap of his hands. "Miles, could you help unload the sub while we're getting the rest of the recruits ready?" he questioned. "We're a bit short-handed since the sub came early."

Miles nodded in silence and glanced back at Juliet. If he hadn't spent a few months with the blonde already he wouldn't have second guessed the smile on her face. But he had. And that was no real smile. "I uh, I'm cooking tonight, Juliet," he told her. "You gonna come over to eat still?" Truth be told, he'd never cooked for any of them and he could tell he'd caught her off guard.

"Oh, yes of course," Juliet agreed with a nod. How did she forget? She didn't remember any of them saying anything about Miles cooking tonight. She shrugged it off and noticed Roger holding his hand out to her. "Nice to meet you Roger," she said, taking his hand in hers. She couldn't believe she was about to do this, but she squatted down and smiled at little Ben Linus. "Hi there Ben," she greeted the kid, holding her hand out to him.

Roger tried not to roll his eyes at the kid. "C'mon Ben," he muttered. "Say hi."

Ben looked up sheepishly and accepted the woman's hand. "Hi.."

Horace watched as Miles went off to unload and he smiled between Juliet and Roger. "Juliet here works in our motor pool," he explained to Roger. "You wouldn't know it by looking at her, but she's actually one of our best mechanics."

"No need to lie, Horace," she said with a smile, tossing Horace a smile. Juliet stood upright and locked eyes with Sawyer who wasn't too far off. He'd just stopped skimming the passenger manifest and she knew why, from the look on his face. In an effort to show him, and just for show in general, she placed her hand on Ben's head and ruffled his hair. "You must be hungry," she said with a gentle smile. "Let's get you guys to your new home so you can take a load off."

She noted the small, nearly imperceptible nod that Sawyer gave her. He'd clearly caught the, '_this is Ben,_' gesture. She also noticed the smile that lit up Ben's face, that complete with Roger glancing down at her hand in search for a ring nearly made her stomach turn. She didn't know why, but she found herself lifting her hand off Ben's head and blowing Sawyer a kiss down by the dock. She noted that he looked a bit bewildered.

Sawyer stared momentarily in utter confusion when she blew him a kiss. What the hell was she doing blowing him a kiss? Far as he could tell, she was still ripping through the core with anger at him, not that he blamed her. And it wasn't until Roger sent a glare his way that he understood. He threw Juliet a grin, full dimples and all, and made the '_call me_' gesture by his ear and mouth with his thumb and pinky finger. He took pride as she rolled her eyes and let out a laugh. He hadn't been able to get that out of her for a while now.

He watched as Horace left the three, and Juliet gestured for Roger and Ben to take a seat in the jeep she had with her. When he noticed her eyes on him once again he saw her request in them, even from the distance he was at. He handed the manifest to Miles, "Take over," he told him.

"Aww, c'mon," Miles groaned. "Just cause you two are finally doing that eye-ogling thing at each other doesn't mean you can--" he groaned. Sawyer was already far enough away that talking was useless. He leaned over to Jin beside him and whispered. "I swear.. those two can do the Jedi-Mind-Trick thing.."

Jin arched an eyebrow up. "Not for.." he sat and thought. "Two year.." he whispered back. "1977.."

Miles stared at him. Of course, the Korean _would_ know about freaking Star Wars. "Not cool, man.. just, not cool."

Juliet grabbed Sawyer's hand immediately when he came up to her and pulled him a far enough distance away that they wouldn't be heard talking. She didn't even give him the chance to speak before she was blurting things out. "I-- I can't do this, I can't, not.." she frowned, bringing her hand to her forehead immediately and taking a deep breath. "I can't deal with all this, with him.." she admitted. "This is too much.."

Sawyer frowned immediately at her outburst. He'd never seen anything like it from her before. But there was raw grief and pain in her eyes that she hadn't veiled for once and for the first time in Dharma he was pretty sure he was seeing _the_ Juliet. Not _Other_ Juliet. Not _'double-agent_' Juliet. Not even _TRIPLE-agent_ Juliet. He was seeing her. Just _Juliet_. And this was a side of her the he felt a sudden need to protect. He took a look back along with her at Roger and Ben, and noticed that Mini-Bug-Eyes was simply watching them with curiosity.

He grabbed Juliet's hand just as she had done to him before and pulled her even further away. He noticed Horace had watched them momentarily before going over to Roger and Ben.

"You'll have to excuse those two," Horace stated carefully. "They're quite close," he stated, giving no other explanation for the sudden wait. "I'm sure it'll only be a moment."

Sawyer locked eyes with Juliet once more. There were a few choice times before they'd gotten to Dharma where he could say he connected Juliet with the rest of humanity. The first time had been when she'd been laughing with the man who'd likely been attempting to flirt with her, as he and Kate had been working on their 'runway'. The second was the look on her face when she first showed up on the beach.

"_What is _she_ doin' here_?" and he remembered the sound of the hostility in his voice and the obvious hesitation and tension in her eyes and posture.

The third, one of his favorites that he absolutely never forgot, was when he'd asked her what they were hauling all the rocks for. She admitted they were building a runway as they were heading along for a likely suicide mission to save Sayid, Jin and Bernard. Then, he'd asked what they were building a runway for..

Her reply had been one of the strangest things someone in their situation could say.

"_For the aliens._" It had sounded serious. And he'd been stunned by the joke, especially when she rolled her eyes and said, "_I don't know James, you think they told me everything_?"

He definitely remembered how she'd been preparing to load people onto the Zodiac. And when he'd jumped off the Helicopter he'd been expecting her to be on the freighter, or on her way to it on the Zodiac. But she hadn't. He'd come ashore and she was sitting and nursing a bottle of Dharma rum. Which was ironic considering where they were now.

These were the moments he remembered most where he considered her as part of the human race. But the most memorable two were when he saw her risking her life, putting out a flaming arrow on a dead body. He'd felt that protection flaring then, because impossible situations had put them into a strange relationship where they depended on each other. Just like the last time before Dharmaville, where the 1954 Others had attempted to cut off her hand, and nearly succeeded. He'd tried his damned hardest to talk them down when the strange feeling of protection for her humanity had overcome him a second time.

He damned well hadn't understood that strange feeling then. Because he didn't like her much at all. She'd simply been necessary to keep at his side. Now though? Now he was pretty sure he couldn't think of a better person to have gone through all this with. She took plenty of crap from him without complaints. He had to give her credit for that.

But the look on her face, the tone of her voice at this very moment was something completely different. Something that made him wonder just how far into her mind Benjamin Linus had dug himself into. He hadn't thought til now why Juliet would join their group. Now he wondered what had happened to her to make her decide such things. To make her freak out like this. "Relax.." he told her quietly.

"I can't!" she growled out immediately. "You don't _know_ him like I do!" she told him. "You don't know everything he's capable, not even close," she threw at him. "What you know—" she paused to look around. "Tell me, James," she demanded. "Tell me you can look at that little boy and not see what he's going to become!"

And he couldn't. And after a moment a tear was floating down her cheek and that did him in. He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. He watched as Horace had decided at that exact moment to look over, obviously getting ready to tell them to hurry it up. Or at least, that obviously _had_ been the plan. Until they were caught in their embrace. He noted Horace's smile grow as the other man simply turned around. He had to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"You know.. I swear, this entire island thinks me and you are.. ya' know.." he muttered out. And suddenly he felt her begin to grin against his shoulder and suddenly her chest was heaving in and out and he realized she had started laughing. That multiple personality disorder was coming to light yet again. Regardless, he found himself chuckling in response as well. He pulled away and put his thumb and pointer finger to his mouth. "They've all been doin' a lil' too much.." and he made a sucking noise.

Juliet bit down on her lip. But she couldn't help it. She released yet another laugh and shook her head. "You're absolutely horrible.. you know that?" she asked, the laughter still in her voice.

Sawyer smirked, but he felt a little spot in his heart melt and let her in just a little bit more. That was probably the reason he did what he was about to do. "Tell ya' what, Blondie.." he stated, ignoring her pointed look at the nickname. "You stay here and help out, I'll bring the pint-sized future island-president and his old man back to the barracks."

Her eyes softened almost immediately in response to his offer. He hadn't waited for a response as he head back towards the jeep. She was simply left staring at his retreating back.

"Your room is still empty!" he called out before jumping into the jeep and taking off. He gave no greeting or introductions to his two passengers.

She smiled a little in response.

Later that night he found all of her clothes back in the other bedroom. He also found her feeding Miles. He'd sworn Miles had said _he_ was cooking for _her_. Obviously that had changed.

Juliet shot him a pointed look. "I think the chicken Miles cooked turned to charcoal," she explained. "It's pretty close to toxic waste if it's not already."

Sawyer laughed immediately. He glanced at it in the kitchen and waved his hand in front of his nose. "Crap, it smells damned awful too."

Juliet chuckled as Miles glared. "It was a nice effort, Miles.." she assured him, giving him a grateful smile. She'd gotten the feeling he'd wanted to talk about something when he invited her to dinner. They never really got the chance, what with them trying to put out his flaming chicken.

"What's in the bowl?" Sawyer dared to ask, sticking his fork into the sticky brown goo.

Miles rolled his eyes.

Juliet smiled immediately. "I think that was mac and cheese.."

Sawyer immediately started laughing.

"You both suck," Miles pointed out and stood, rolling his eyes again before walking out the door.

Juliet's eyes softened slightly in response. "I think something's wrong.." she stated. "Do you wanna.. you know, go talk to him?"

Sawyer stared at her like she was insane. "Guys don't.. talk," he told her. "Trust me, it's a bad idea!" he defended, knowing damned well there was no chance he and Miles could carry on a serious conversation with each other.

Juliet blinked. "Men are ridiculous.." she stated with a shake of her head. She turned and followed Miles out the door and a few moments later managed to catch him plopping down onto the porch of his and Jin's house next door. "Miles.." she said softly, taking a seat beside him. She noticed he was intent to ignore her, so she quickly nudged him and offered him a smile. "Hey, come on.."

Miles shrugged and said nothing.

"I stayed with Amy because a flower and an apology just hadn't been enough at the time," Juliet told him, staring forward rather then meeting his eyes. "Regardless of what you guys think, I do have feelings," she reminded him. "And I think we're friends, you and I," she stated carefully.

Miles glanced over at her. He hadn't expected her to answer his question from this morning. He supposed she did it for her own reasons, but he also knew she was right. "Guess so.." he muttered.

"So what's bothering you?" she prodded, daring a glance at him. She locked eyes with him and gave him a smile.

Miles immediately rolled his eyes, yet again. "What, are you a therapist now?" he questioned, watching as she chuckled.

"Why don't we swap stories?" she suggested.

Miles studied her with complete confusion. "Swap stories?" he questioned. "What are you even talking about?" he asked. He knew exactly what she meant. She'd tell him something if he told her what was wrong.

Juliet tilted her head to the side and simply stared at him, never wavering.

"I hate it when you do that.." he grumbled. "Fine.. you first."

Juliet's eyebrows furrowed in response. "Alright.. what do you want to know?" she questioned. She sure as hell hoped she wasn't going to regret doing this. But it definitely seemed like he had something on his mind that he needed to get out. Best way to get someone else's problems out of them are to admit some of your own. Clearly Miles had been no exception.

"What'd he say to you?" Miles asked immediately, no hesitation. "Jim.. what did he say to you the other week to upset you that much?"

Juliet was hesitant at first. She looked away from him for the moment and stared off into nowhere. "I told him a bit about my past," she admitted.

Miles stared at her in response to that. She was mad because she told him about her past? That didn't make any sense. He knew she was a private person but that was being beyond ridiculous. "I don't get it.." he admitted with a sigh.

She frowned slightly. "I told him stupid stuff when I was drunk," she explained. "And, he sort of threw them back in my face and told me I should have gotten on the sub that day you uh.. saw me leave the house.."

Silence. That was the only thing he could really manage at first in response to that. "Guess you're not going to elaborate," he muttered. He already knew the answer to that.

"Maybe one day," she told him, throwing him a smile.

Miles glanced back at her in surprise. He sighed. Well, she technically answered his question and did her part of the bargain. Obviously he had to keep up his end as well. "My mom's here.." he admitted after a minute of silence. A minute that he noticed she hadn't asked him, she had simply waited for him to come out and tell her the problem.

Almost immediately her blue eyes were turned on him. "She's _what_?" she questioned immediately. That wasn't even possible, right?

Miles shrugged is shoulders. "She's uh.. she's getting on the sub when it leaves," he pointed out.

Juliet narrowed her eyes. There were very few people leaving on the next sub. And suddenly it hit her. "Oh.. oh wow.." she mumbled, her hand covering her mouth. "Lara Chang is your mom?" she whispered. At his nod she smiled a little.

"I never knew about this place.." Miles admitted to her. "And I never met my dad, but now I know who he is.."

Juliet frowned immediately. She placed her hand on his shoulder. "Miles.."

Miles shot her a grin. "Hey.. don't go all soft on me now," he warned her. "Just cause we admitted we're friends and swapped a story, doesn't mean shit."

Juliet chuckled. She tapped him playfully on the cheek as she stood. "You got it, Miles.." she told him. She paused before she left and looked at him seriously once more. "You gonna be okay?"

Miles glanced up at her. "Yep," he admitted. "Nice not being the only one to know."

She winked. "Don't get used to it," she told him. "Next time you burn perfectly good mac and cheese and chicken on purpose, I'll light your pants on fire while you're sleeping," she warned him.

Miles grinned immediately.

"I know damned well you can cook better then me," she acknowledged before walking away. But she did call one last thing over her shoulder. "There's better ways to get my attention then making a bio-hazard in the kitchen!"

Miles let out a dignified laugh in response as she went back to the house she was sharing with Sawyer once again. He glanced at Jin who opened the door and stared at him. "She digs me," he told the Korean.

Jin blinked. "Dig you? Juliet bury you?"

Miles sighed.

_February 9,_

_1975_

To be honest, Sawyer had no idea what to do about Juliet. A week straight had passed since little Ben arrived, seven days in a row, she came back from the motor pool, got beyond plastered and would go to bed. Something had clearly gone on between her and Ben in their own time that he wasn't privy to and she was neglecting to share. Not to say he wasn't completely over Kate, and seeing Jerry's little girlfriend Kat wasn't the biggest shot to the heart. But after he'd said what he had to Juliet, he'd learned his little life lesson about drinking the pain away.

He admitted that before the island, he probably wouldn't have cared if he'd hurt someone else's feelings because he got drunk. Or even if he did it sober. He was frustrated beyond belief that he depended on her to keep him sane these days. What was even more frustrating was that if _she_ was going insane, it wouldn't be long before he started losing it as well.

The first few days he gave her some slack. Figured maybe she had to get it out of her system. That mixed with the fact that he remembered her attempts at telling _him_ to stop. He didn't want to know what might happen if he attempted to stop her. But now it was getting a little over the top. He really needed to say something. The problem was, he didn't know what he could possibly say to make it any better since he didn't know anything that had really gone on between her and Ben Linus.

He knew the man for a short period of time and had seen a lot from him. She'd spent three years with the man. And if her current drinking excursions were any evidence, she didn't spend it playing patty-cake. He took two bowls out from the cupboard in the kitchen and dished out some ice cream, knowing she'd be back any minute. He'd just put the ice cream away when she walked through the door and started shedding her boots and bandana. "Ice cream?" he questioned.

She glanced over in surprise and looked at him with the two bowls. "Sure.." she replied with a nod. "I'm just going to go change," she explained before walking down the hall. Ice cream? He was definitely up to something, there was no doubt in her mind. She was almost positive he was about to try his hand at an intervention. She nearly had the nerve to jump out of her bedroom window to escape, but she didn't. She changed into a tank top and a pair of shorts before she exited the room and went out to the kitchen.

The first thing she did when she sat down at the table with him was shove a spoonful of strawberry ice cream into her mouth. They spooned their ice cream down for about two minutes before she finally looked up at him and decided to speak. "I know what you're trying to do.."

Sawyer glanced up. He couldn't say he was surprised, her powers of observation obviously hadn't been spoiled from her endeavors into alcoholism.

"I'll leave the booze alone, if that's what you were shooting for with this whole ice cream thing," she told him, then took another spoonful of ice cream. She didn't meet his eyes now.

"What'd he do to you?" he finally dared to ask. He nearly asked if her issues were because her and Ben had slept together. He'd managed to contain himself and keep the question _off_ that subject. She was getting to him. He was learning tact.

"If you're asking if I had sex with him," she stated, meeting his eyes now. "The answer is no," she answered, taking another spoonful of ice cream.

Sawyer managed not to roll his eyes in response. "That ain't what I asked," he pointed out. "I asked what he did."

Once more she cast her eyes downward at the bowl of ice cream. It was nearly gone and she hardly remembered eating almost all of it. She took the last bite and left the spoon in her mouth momentarily as she tried to decide what to tell him. She knew that she could very well tell him nothing and he probably wouldn't hold it against her, but she also knew she'd been downright bitchy for the last week and he hadn't said a word about it. Guilt flooded through her at the realization.

Still, she didn't dare meet his eyes as she placed the spoon in the empty bowl. "It's been almost four years since they brought me to the island," she stated, pushing her bowl forward and leaning back in her seat. "I was supposed to stay for six months, that's it.."

He didn't try to interrupt. He just listened and waited for her to continue. Even though the question was throbbing at the tip of his tongue of how six months had turned into so long. This was her story and if he wanted to hear it, he figured it would be best not to interrupt and simply let her tell it.

"I was.. a fertility doctor, based in Miami," she admitted. "He sent Richard to recruit me and at first I declined," she told him, leaving out the details of _why_. "I'd been trying to help my sister get pregnant, she was in remission from cancer and.. she couldn't have children."

Sawyer studied her face. There was definite sadness lurking behind her eyes as she spoke about her sister. He almost thought about telling her that she didn't have to tell him if she didn't want, but she continued before he got the chance to form the words.

"I went home and told her I declined the job.. and she told me that my treatments worked, that she was pregnant," she admitted, a small smile creeping onto her features. "She told me to take the job.. but I still said no.." she said with a sigh. "I suppose I should have kept saying no, look where it got me."

"So.. why'd you say yes?" he questioned before he could stop himself. He noticed she still didn't meet his eyes. He'd never seen her look so timid before.

"Edmund.." she paused, realizing she'd never really mentioned the name of her ex-husband to Sawyer before now. "My ex," she explained. "He was harassing me about using my sister as a basis for research," she stated, rubbing her temples at the migraine that was forming within them. "I told him no, probably one of the few times I ever really did so.. and he was probably about to say something terrorizing when he backed into the street and was hit by a bus.."

Sawyer arched his eyebrows up almost immediately. He nearly asked her if she helped her ex into the oncoming bus' path, but he held back. Something in her story made him know that wasn't the case.

Juliet dared a quick glance at Sawyer and noticed he was just waiting patiently for her to keep going. She sighed slightly and leaned her elbows onto the table and rested her forehead on her knuckles. She frowned realizing she was about the admit exactly how naïve and easily influenced she'd been before she went to the island. "Originally.. when I'd declined Richard's offer, it had been because Edmund never would have let me go. I told Richard, that the only way he'd let me go were if he was hit by a bus."

Sawyer stared at her, his mouth slightly agape. Not because of the bus, but because of what she'd said before that. That she'd been controlled by her ex-husband. "What do you mean he wouldn't let ya' go?" he asked immediately. "You were divorced, right?"

"You would have picked that to question me about regardless of everything else I've said," she stated with a sigh. She pinched the bridge of her nose with frustration and finally locked eyes with his. "I wasn't the same person, James.." she told him. "I.. I was nobody, I just took orders and followed them, I didn't ask questions.. I just sort of existed without really existing."

He wasn't too sure how to respond to that one. To be honest, he just couldn't picture her like that. It didn't seem plausible.

"Anyways.." she moved on. "I guess Ed still had me listed as next of kin, because I was the one who had to sign all of the coroner's paperwork," she admitted. "The sad thing is, I was crying over his death.. even after all of the crap he put me through.." she told him, somewhat sheepishly. "I guess I still loved him, I think that maybe I still do," she explained.

"You still love yer' ex?" he questioned, the surprise evident in his tone. "Why?"

Juliet smiled sadly and put her head back in her hands. "There's a difference between still loving somebody and still being _in _love with them," she pointed out. "I'm not in love with him anymore, I just.. the love never really went away."

Sawyer let that statement roll around his head for a few seconds. He was definitely seeing her in a whole new light, but still, he didn't understand what all of this had to do with Ben.

"Someone handed me a tissue," she continued almost immediately, disregarding what she'd just told him. "I looked up and it was Ethan, and Richard.." she added. "They said they'd be leaving soon and wanted to offer me the job one more time, in Portland, by the way.. they never said anything about some secluded island that nobody could find.." she pointed out. "He said it would just be for six months, and I'd be back in time for Rachel to give birth."

She rubbed her face slightly and frowned. "Needless to say.. this isn't Portland, I drank spiked orange juice and woke up strapped to a bed on a submarine," she told him. "When I got off the sub, I met Ben.." she frowned at the memory. "It seemed pretty normal at first, so did he, for that matter," she admitted to him. "Looks are deceiving I suppose."

"No kiddin'," Sawyer muttered, thinking about how she would have gone from a timid follower to who she was now. He couldn't figure that transition out.

"I spent six months trying to save women who just kept dying," she stated, trying not to allow herself to tear up at the memories. "When I told Ben it had been six months and I wanted to leave, that there was nothing that I could do.. he told me my sister's cancer had gone out of remission and she would die soon.. he said.."

Sawyer watched as the tears fell. He felt a piece of his heart going out to her and he couldn't explain why. But that urge to protect her had come up and he reached his hand out for hers almost immediately. He met her blue eyes with his own as their fingers interlocked together and watched as her eyes drifted down to their hands momentarily.

"He said I could go be with her in her final days, or stay here and continue my research," she stated, her voice wrought with the emotions. She'd never admitted so much to anybody before now and she had no idea why she was telling him. "He said if I stayed, they would cure my sister.."

Sawyer sat, stunned speechless at her words. A cure for cancer? There was no such thing. "And you just.. believed him?"

Juliet opened her mouth to speak but snapped it shut almost immediately afterwords. She took a deep breath and finally released it before looking at him again. "No.." she admitted. "But.. she was all I had, have.." she blurted out and corrected herself. "If there was even a chance.. I just.."

He couldn't believe it. She'd bargained her freedom to save her sister's life without knowing if her sister would even really be saved. Juliet Burke wasn't the woman that he'd thought her to be. He could see now why running into little Ben would torment her so much.

"It just got worse over the next two and half years," she stated, pulling her hand from his. She ran her fingers through her hair and frowned. She regretted her choice to tell him she would leave the alcohol alone. Instead she stood, going into the kitchen and retrieving the entire tub of ice cream before sitting back down at the table and spooning it straight out of the container. "I was stuck there, so.. I pursued a relationship with a man named Goodwin," she stated, taking a huge bite of ice cream.

Sawyer watched her eat straight from the container. Something she'd told him a million times never to do. Under any other circumstances, he might have called her on it. But this wasn't the time to say something stupid. He kept his mouth tightly shut, simply listening once again without making any interruptions.

"My therapist was his wife," she threw out, though she wasn't sure why. It wasn't even necessary to tell him that. But she was on a roll, and she figured she probably would never be this open again and she might as well give him the entire story. "I guess that after that six months is where I changed," she muttered. "I just..adapted, took on the role of 'the other woman', the one thing I always swore I'd never do," she copped to. "I guess that frustrated Ben," she stated thoughtfully as she sucked on her spoon.

She took a deep breath and released it. "When uh.. when I diagnosed Ben with that tumor on his spine, that was the day before your plane crashed.." she told him. She didn't dare look up at him once again. "I went over to Ben's house, and I called him a liar about curing my sister, screamed at him.. cried, and begged to go home," she stated, throwing her spoon down on the table. "Believing she was alive and cancer free was really the only thing that had been keeping me going," she explained, her grief clearly evident in her voice.

"He denied it of course.. saying he never lied to me," she said softly. "He told me I couldn't go home and walked away.. and the next day when your plane crashed, he sent Ethan to your section of the plane, and he sent Goodwin to the tail-section.."

Sawyer narrowed his eyes slightly.

"I guess Richard was on the mainland.. because, Ben took me to The Flame shortly after the crash and showed me live feed, of my sister and her son.." she stated, feeling the tears falling once again. "He said.. she named him Julian.."

His heart dropped at her words.

"He still wouldn't let me leave," Juliet told him, her voice clearly on the edge of breaking. "He uh.. I don't know.. it wasn't too much later when he took me out to a clearing and showed me Goodwin's dead body," she said, this time her voice did break. "He.. I freaked out.." she stated, knowing she was starting to sound vaguely hysterical. "I.. I.. he.. he knew Goodwin would die.. I accused him of.. of knowing it would happen, I even asked why he did it.."

He was stunned beyond belief at how completely and utterly defeated and broken she sounded right now. He'd never seen anything remotely like this from her and he _knew_, he just _knew_, there was no way in hell she was making any of this up.

"_After everything I've done to get you here, after everything I've done to _keep_ you here, how can you possibly not understand?! That you're _mine_!"_

The words rang through her mind and she shook her head immediately, feeling sick. She shoved the carton of ice cream forward and took off out of her seat and down the hall.

"Sonuvabitch.." he muttered to himself, following after her immediately. He watched as she bee-lined for the bathroom and immediately emptied out the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Almost instinctively he grabbed hold of her hair that she was trying to hold back herself and he simply let her retch. When she finally stopped he let her hair down, not entirely sure what else he could possibly do for her.

So he sat silently on the edge of the tub as she sat there with her head over the toilet. He reached his hand out, about to place it on her back for some sort of comfort but he retracted it when his fingers were just a millimeter away. "Juliet.." he said, his voice softer then it had ever been before. He stared at her hands, gripping the edges of the toilet so hard that her knuckles were turning white.

She didn't give him a chance to say anything else. She just started speaking with her head leaning over the toilet. "He said.. that after everything he's done to get me here, to keep me here.." she blew out a breath. "He asked how I couldn't possibly understand that I was _his_."

Sawyer froze immediately. Because she turned and looked at him with the most haunted look he'd ever seen in anyone's eyes. He lowered himself down from where he was sitting and now sat with his back up against the edge of the tub. Surprise came even more when the blonde pulled herself away from the toilet and simply buried her face into his shoulder. His arms moved of their own accord and wrapped around her. Still, he couldn't find the words to voice his thoughts. He wasn't even all that sure his thoughts had completely processed everything she'd told him.

Suddenly the way she was, the way she acted and did everything she'd done, it all made sense to him now. Actually, all things considered, he supposed she could have come out a lot worse than she actually had. Even after that, neither of them had anything to say. He didn't have the heart to tell her how uncomfortable it was in this position, and when her breathing evened out and she fell asleep just as she was, he let himself drift off as well. He didn't know how long it was they sat there before that happened, but it did.

This would probably be awkward in the morning.

**()()TBC()()**

**Yes, that's right, February is going to have a second part. I didn't realize how long I was going on for in this chapter. But it was getting close to 7,000 words. I figured it would just be simpler to split February up into two parts. Who knows, maybe other months will have multiple parts as well!**

**This took forever to read over for errors, and I'm sure you all know how it is when you check your own work. You always miss stuff, so I apologize for any errors I missed.**


	6. February, 1975 Part Two

**All of you are so sweet with all of your wonderful reviews, they're so inspiring!**

This chapter is for **Signal the Rifleman**! You're such a lovely person :)

**Living the Lie**: (February, Part 2.)

_February 10,_

_1975._

Whenever she wakes her thoughts are usually incoherent due to nightmares. But for one of the first times in a long while, she doesn't recall having a nightmare. It's in that moment that she realizes she's tightly coiled around something and she has the worst crick in her neck. She dares to open her eyes, and realizes that this _something _is actually a _somebody_. The first thing she wonders is, '_how the hell drunk did I get this time_?'. But it all comes back to her and without looking up, she knows who she is clinging to.

Even with the realization, she doesn't dare move just yet. She won't even be able to look him in the eyes because now he's going to see her as weak and timid. She's more afraid that he'll know now that he has a chance to control her just like everyone else has realized in the past. As much as she tried to keep up the appearance that no one could control her, that she was her own person, she knew it wasn't true. She still let other people influence what she did. Edmund, Rachel, Richard, Ben, Jack. She let all of them influence her in one way or another. Not that her sister had ever done so in a bad way, but she'd done it nonetheless.

She's not thinking straight when she untangles herself from him as carefully as possible. She's even proud when he barely moves a muscle and continues sleeping. Before she can fully comprehend it, she's dressed in jeans and a 70's shirt with strange floral patterns and she's running. She will _not_ be coerced into any other stupid things. She's not going to let another person influence her life. She just wants to be alone. Being alone is so much better then all of this. The words of her past and what Ben has done to her never should have left her mouth, never should have been heard by his ears. She didn't know why she even told him, everything had just come out of their own accord.

There was no way for her to know how long she spent running before she ran straight into Jin doing security runs. It made her remember she was supposed to work a shift in the motor pool today. Within a second she realized how much she didn't care about that. She didn't tell Jin what she was doing, instead she simply grabbed him by the lapels of his jumpsuit and told him to give her the code to the security fence that kept their little society safe from what was on the other side.

It had taken all of five minutes to coerce the code from the Korean. He barely fought her about going to do whatever it was she was going to do, and she'd be damned if she even knew what she was going to do. But she had to get away from here. She knew damned well she could be beyond the fence and out of their territory before anyone could get to Sawyer and tell him she'd completely lost her marbles. And if she ran into the 'hostiles' beyond the fence and got killed, what did she care? She had absolutely _nothing_ left anymore. She was in 19-freaking-75. There was _nothing_ for her here and Jack had _left_ her.

Pretending she felt nothing, pretending she was immune to peoples words and peoples influence left her an empty shell of her former self. She _hates_ who she's become on this island. She would give just about anything to be anybody else these days. And before she knew it, she was through the fence and turning it back on from the other side before she ran off on the other side.

She couldn't say how long she was out there, she got the feeling it was a few hours. But she knew it was long enough that people were most likely trying to find her. Sawyer was probably throwing a fit. And it was in that moment that she stopped and sat for a moment that she heard the footsteps. She stood back up immediately and turned, coming face to face with Richard Alpert.

"What do you think you are doing out here?" he asked immediately, studying the look on the blondes face. There was something about her eyes that made him think twice about pulling his gun on her and simply shooting her like his people would normally do. He still didn't pull his gun, even when she looked at him with something akin to anger and stalked up to him, both her hands planting on his chest and shoving him backwards. He didn't fall, but he did stagger back a few steps.

"This is _your_ fault!" she growled out immediately, not sure where she gained the gall to do what she was currently doing. Shoving Richard around like he was nothing, like he couldn't hurt her if he really wanted to. "You brought me to this damned island, this is all _your_ fault!!"

Richard stared at her, uncertain about who she even was or what was going on. He put his hands up slightly as a sign of peace. "Calm down," he stated, his voice eerily calm. "I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about, I'm afraid I don't even know who you are. Though.. apparently you know who I am. Or you think you do."

Juliet narrowed her eyes. "Don't tell me to calm down, I know _exactly_ who you are, Richard Alpert," she warned him. "And I know that you know _all_ about John Locke," she pointed out before he could say anything. "You bring me to this place in 2001," she stated. "Why me?! Why the hell did you need me?! I couldn't do a damned thing!"

Richard was silent as he watched the anger playing out over her features. The pain, the sadness, the regret, the grief. "What's your name?" he finally asked.

"Juliet.." she muttered.

"You're one of us," Richard stated casually, studying her once more. She didn't seem like their usual recruit. In fact, she didn't seem like she belonged with their people at all.

Juliet glared at him. "The 21st century version.." she admitted. "And I _was_ one of you," she stated, jabbing a finger into his chest. "Because you sons of bitches controlled me, manipulated me, wouldn't _let_ me go home!" She thought about slapping him, punching him, kicking him below the belt. Anything that might get some sort of reaction from him other than that blank stare. "Do you _know_ what you people made me?"

He sighed slightly. Clearly the blonde before him had taken as much as she could handle and a little bit more from this island. She was quite obviously on the edge at the moment and he wondered what he should tell her. He simply went with truth. "Well, Juliet.." he began. "I'm sure you think its perfectly fine to blame us for whatever you've done and become, but the fact of the matter is," he told her. "You are the only one who can control who you are and what you do."

"I never _said_ I didn't take responsibility for what I've done," she pointed out angrily. "You put me under the impression that I was coming here to _save_ people you asshole," she growled out. "All I've done for almost four years is _kill_ them! I admit that no one sat there _forcing_ me to kill who I have, I killed for my freedom, for my own life.. for someone else's. But it didn't matter what I did for you people, you _never_ let me leave."

He was taken aback by her words. Most people never took the blame for the people they've killed, they try to blame it on anybody else that could have influenced them. Yet here was this woman, accepting what she'd done. And he wondered if _that_ was why she was losing it so badly. "You should speak in lower volumes," he warned her. "I'd like to keep talking, but if my people hear you, I can't guarantee your safety, Juliet."

"I don't _want_ your protection," she told him immediately. "I don't care if your _people_ kill me, I don't care what they do to me," she shot out.

Richard frowned now. "Then what _do_ you want, Juliet?"

Juliet opened her mouth to respond, but she was hit with the knowledge that she really had no idea. She noticed he took a step towards her and she immediately retreated back a step in response. It took her a moment to realize she'd even done so, and this time when he stepped towards her she stood her ground. "I'm not afraid of you," she told him, proud that her voice didn't betray her actual feelings of fear. She was realizing how blatantly stupid this was, to come running out here. To start pushing around a man that even after three years of knowing, she truly knew nothing about.

"Is that so?" Richard questioned, coming nearly nose to nose with the blonde before him. "If you had said that five minutes ago when you were pushing me around, I may have believed it," he pointed out, arching an eyebrow up at her inquisitively. "But your posture, the tone of your voice, even the look in your eyes right now says otherwise." He had to admit to himself that he was grasping at straws here, because she was giving absolutely nothing away to him. She hadn't been lying, she truly _was_ one of them. He'd know that ability to hide yourself anywhere. "Are you here because you don't want me to bring you to the island?"

She almost said yes. She almost said yes so that she would have a reason for being out here. But she couldn't say yes. What if he listened and truly never brought her here? What if Rachel's cancer coming out of remission _hadn't_ been a lie? If she never came here.. Rachel would die anyways. And then she would _still_ having nothing to live for, except she'd have that nothing in the real world. At least here.. at least she knew Rachel lived if she was here. She had proof of that. "No.." she answered after a moment.

Both of his eyebrows arched in response. That hadn't been the answer he expected, but he supposed she had her own reasons for that. "You have absolutely no idea what you're doing out here, do you Juliet?"

Juliet was surprised at how close he kept his proximity. At how much he _wasn't_ paying attention to her hand that had crept slow behind him towards the gun tucked at his lower back, casually. In another moment she realized how wrong she was though. Because then she found herself twisted around and slammed into a tree, her arm held tightly behind her and Richard holding her body against the tree with his own.

"That was a very nice try.." he told her, his voice the epitome of calm and serene. "I give you credit, you _nearly_ had my gun." Pain shot through him suddenly and he felt himself go down, the gun taken from his hand almost immediately.

Juliet turned and pointed the gun down at him quickly as he sat holding his lower extremities. "I don't care how long you've been around Richard, no man will ever find a way to make a swift kick to the testicles feel nice."

Richard caught his breath after a moment and glanced up at her. He definitely had to give her credit for that. Something else caught his eye behind her. "Ellie, NO!" he called out, but not fast enough.

The pain seared through her before she could fully comprehend what was even happening. She heard something, she was pretty certain it was a gunshot. Then there was nothing, everything went dark and she felt like she was falling. She just never felt herself land.

_Two and a half hours ago.._

"James!"

_Bang.. Bang.. Bang.._

Sawyer groaned and opened his eyes. The crick in his neck was the worst and he forgot momentarily _why_ he was on the bathroom floor. After another bang he realized it was the front door and he sat up, stretching his aching body and heading towards the front door. He swung it open and stared at Jin and Miles on the other side. "What the hell do you two want?" he muttered.

"Juliet," Jin said quickly. "She.. go to hostile.. hostile terri-territory," he stated, trying to grasp the English words correctly and string along the sentence.

"She _what_?" Sawyer growled out immediately. "When?!" and that was when he remembered why he'd been asleep on the bathroom floor. Because she'd relented and told him her entire story about how and why she was on the island. His eyes immediately darted to the kitchen table where the abandoned tub of ice cream had been left forgotten and sat melted and leaking onto the table. He didn't wait for either of the answers to the questions he asked. "How did she get the damned code?"

"I.. I give code.." Jin admitted with a frown. "I.. not know what she.. was doing. She said.. was important."

Miles intervened before Sawyer could hit the Korean. "Getting pissed at Jin isn't gonna help man," he told him. "Security tapes show her going through the fence forty-five minutes ago," he stated. "When she didn't come back Jin got worried and told me what happened, we came straight here."

"Does Horace know?" Sawyer questioned.

"I do," came the man in question's voice as he came towards the group with Jerry and a few other men in tow. "We're going to search, Jim.." he assured the man, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I don't know why she went over there, at the moment.. I don't care," he stated. "It just matters that we find her and get her back here safe and sound."

Sawyer trailed his fingers through his hair and tried to calm down. He never should have pushed her. He shouldn't have asked. He should have let her drink it all away and kept his damned mouth shut. She'd thrown up over it of all things and then _continued_ to tell her story. He hadn't tried to stop her. He thought maybe if she got it all out in the open that maybe she'd feel better. Instead she'd panicked the morning after and run off. She could get killed. She could _already_ be dead, and that would be his fault, wouldn't it?

"Sonuvabitch!" he growled out, kicking the door frame to vent out his frustrations. This couldn't be happening. First Daniel left on the sub, now Juliet had taken off to the hostiles. He was tired of people running away from him.

"I think it would be best if you stayed here, Jim," Horace stated softly, sending the other men off to start searching with a wave of his hand. "You're angry, scared.. frustrated, it's understandable but these things won't help--"

"Listen," Sawyer seethed out. "She was one of my people _before_ she was one of yours," he shot out. "I ain't gonna sit here and kick my feet in the damned sandbox waitin' for you guys to go look and _hopefully _find her.."

Horace sighed but nodded. "Very well.."

_February 11,_

_1975._

Nothing. Twenty-four hours of searching led to absolutely _nothing_. They'd even looked through hostile territory. No hostiles, no Juliet, nobody.

Sawyer was seething after the first few hours. After half a day passed with no sign of her, no trail of where she could have gone, he'd gone from angry to enraged. She couldn't just disappear. She had to be somewhere and they obviously just weren't finding her. But by the eighteenth hour that anger and rage became worry and concern when they found a pool of blood. There was no blood trail, just one pool of blood where somebody or something obviously had been at some point.

By twenty-four hours a few people had given up and gone to get rest, vowing they'd come back and continue to search again in a few hours. He trudged on through the jungle along with Miles, Jin and Horace. Relentless, exhausted, and even a little frightened for the blonde. Regardless of what he used to think about her, she was indeed his friend.

After thirty hours, Jin and Miles dragged him defeated back to the barracks for rest while other people picked up the search again. He didn't sleep though, he could only think of how much this reminded him of Claire. Taking off while they were asleep and not being able to find her. This had to be his fault, he must have pushed her too far. Still, this was over the top even for somebody who kept so much to herself, wasn't it? Or had she just held it in for so long that she just lost it? He's done that a few times in his life.

But he always came back. Where _was_ she? He fell asleep with that question running rampant through his brain. His dreams were that of blonde hair, blue eyes, guns, smoke monsters, and big and little Ben taking her away.

_Later that day.._

"They're looking for her."

Richard looked over at Eloise. He shook his head at her slightly in response. "What's your point?"

Eloise frowned in response. "My point, Richard.. is that we cannot keep her here forever, they are going to continue searching, just leave her body somewhere and they'll find her eventually."

"In case you forgot, you're the one that shot her," Richard reminded her. "And I believe you've met before, you had no reason to shoot her."

She sighed. "She was going to shoot you."

"She wasn't," Richard assured her with complete confidence. "She disarmed me, there's a difference."

Eloise arched both eyebrows up in response to that. "Fine," she relented. "What do you suggest we do with her?"

He glanced down at the blonde who lay limp in his tent. "I'll take her to the temple."

"Have you completely lost your mind?" Eloise questioned immediately. "You cannot take her to the temple, she's not--"

"She is," he assured her.

She narrowed her eyes. "That's impossible, what proof do we have that she's one of ours?"

Richard sighed and pulled back the flap of his tent. "Widmore!" he called out, and watched as the man came over without much question. When the man entered the tent he pointed down to Juliet. "You recognize her, do you not?"

Widmore was silent momentarily as he studied the blonde laying there. "What is she, the female version of you?" he questioned with slight surprise.

He avoided answering that. " Twenty years ago you said she told those people she knew Latin for the same reasons you did, did you not?"

"That's correct," Widmore answered.

Richard eyed them both for a moment before he picked up the woman in his arms. "Then I'll take her to the temple," he stated. "Unless you'd like to face the consequences of killing one of our own."

Eloise said nothing as Richard left the tent with the blonde woman in his arms. A minute of silence went by as she stood there with Widmore and she looked over at him. "This is a bad idea, Charles."

"Couldn't agree more.."

_February 12,_

_1975._

Forty-eight hours of nothing now. Even Horace was saying it appeared to be a lost cause at this point. The only people he had left on his side, that she could still be out there somewhere and _alive_ were Miles, Jin and Amy. Miles and Jin were out searching, and he was standing in the doorway of Juliet's bedroom, staring at the dream catcher above her bed.

"I'm sure there's a reason.."

Sawyer glanced back at hearing Amy's voice and noticed she was standing right behind him.

Amy smiled sadly at him. "She was drinking a lot the passed week, I mean.. I don't know if you noticed," she admitted. "I really should have tried to stop her, but.. she just seemed so sad, you know?" she asked softly. "I thought that maybe, she just needed to get it out of her system or something."

"Not your fault," he muttered, trying to ignore the headache that had formed when Juliet first went missing. "I made her stop last night," he admitted to Amy. "We talked a while, went to bed.. and I woke up to Miles and Jin bangin' my door down saying she was gone.."

She nodded slightly. "She told you about Jack.."

"Yep.." Sawyer answered without a second thought. He might as well pretend that he knew what she'd been telling Amy. It wasn't as though Juliet would have been telling the woman about little Ben and big Ben.

"I think it hurts more than she let on," Amy stated casually. "That he made those promises to do things together with her and was still in love with some other girl." She sighed slightly. "I think I would have been pretty destroyed if the guy I fell for was using me to prove he didn't love somebody else as well."

Sawyer was pretty sure he knew that feeling well. He leaned his head back against the door frame and closed his eyes.

Amy placed a hand on his arm. "You know, a week ago I told her it would be a mistake to come live with you again," she admitted with a look of guilt. She could tell when he looked at her in that moment that he had the exact same thought in his head. "I was wrong, you know.." she told him carefully. "I had you pinned for some guy that used his looks for what he wanted, but now I can see otherwise."

He wasn't too sure what to say about that. She'd hit the nail on the head for who he used to be before the island. His looks had been the only thing he really relied on in his line of work. That and his skills of lying and deception. He wondered how much of that had really changed, or if maybe he'd just gotten a hell of a lot better at it here on the island. "She ain't comin' back.. is she?" he wondered out loud. '_And neither were they.._' he allowed himself to admit for one of the first times.

"People don't just disappear, Jim.." Amy assured him, her eyes softening in response. "She's out there somewhere, and someway or another, we'll find her."

Sawyer found himself nodding, even if he wasn't sure he believed her. On this island? Tons of people could just disappear. Like Claire. Hell, if people could time travel there was no doubt in his mind that people could also simply disappear.

_February 13,_

_1975._

"Juliet.. is gone?" Jin asked Miles. "Not come back?" he asked next. He felt more than a little guilty for giving her the code to the fence. If he'd known she was going to run off into the jungle he never would have done it. He would have stopped her, or came and got them sooner. Maybe they would have found her three days ago instead of running around now and chasing their tails.

Miles had his head in his hands. He'd been sitting around for three days wondering if Sawyer had said something else to Juliet to make her go running off. He'd had it up to here at this point. He hadn't said a thing because he figured they would find her or she would come back of her own accord. But three days? He no longer thought those things. She was just gone.

Right now they were taking a quick break and sitting on some logs in the jungle. He glanced over at Sawyer who was standing by a tree and he stood, waltzing over to him. "What the hell did you say to her?!" he growled out. He grabbed the Southerner by the lapels of the Dharma jumpsuit and pushed him up against the tree. "Last time you sent her crying off to Amy's, what could you have possibly said to her this time?!"

Sawyer stared at him in shock. Normally he would have just thrown a punch, shoved him, done something. But for whatever reason he completely understood how Miles had come to the conclusion.

Jin stared between them, not getting in the way. He was aware something had happened before between Sawyer and Juliet and she'd run off. He didn't quite know what, but it had definitely been something. So he found himself watching to see how this would play out.

"Well?" Miles demanded. "Did you throw her personal life into her face again, tell her she should have gotten on the stupid sub again? Or did you just come up with a whole new way to piss her the hell off?"

"I didn't say nothin'," Sawyer told him, finally shoving him off. "She told me her issues with Ben, and I didn't say a damned thing, guess I shoulda'," he muttered out. "I didn't say a damned thing, bad or good.. I just kept quiet, and maybe if I'd said something, even if it just pissed her the hell off, maybe that woulda' stopped her, but obviously we ain't gonna know either way!" he yelled out, shoving Miles backwards a second time, this time for no reason.

"_Do you.. think they're really going to come back?"_

"Right," Miles stated with an eyeroll. "I'm sure. But unlike last time, this actually _is_ my business," he told the man, shoving him backwards just as Sawyer had just done to him. "She's probably freaking dead and you're probably the reason!"he stated, placing blame in the only place he could think it would lay. "She's not a robot man, she has feelings! Maybe you should've acknowledged that."

Sawyer simply knocked him to the ground. "I _know_ she has feelings, dumbass!" he told him immediately. "And I'm tellin' you that I didn't say a damned thing this time!"

"Juliet.."

Both men looked over at Jin.

"What, now you got somethin' to say about all this, Jackie Chan?" Sawyer asked with frustration. "I didn't--"

"No!" Jin interrupted in a louder voice. He shoved passed the two men. "Juliet," he said again, grabbing hold of the stumbling blonde who came out of the brush. He stared in shock. Her shirt was stained a rust color and had the smell of blood caked over it, her face was covered in dirt. Scrapes, bruises, all of them fresh.

"Sonuvabitch.." Sawyer muttered, going to Jin and Juliet's sides immediately.

Miles stared in shock for a moment, but after that he gained some sense of mind back and picked up his walkie. "Horace, Horace this is Miles, come in!" he said hastily.

"_I'm here Miles._"

"We found her, meet us at the fence!" he said, not elaborating any more than that as he turned the walkie off and tossed it into his bag, also heading to the small group. "Is she okay?"

Sawyer studied Juliet's face. There was obvious confusion and distress in her eyes and he wondered what the hell she could have been doing out here for three days. What had happened to her? And why the hell were her clothes caked in mud and blood? "Juliet.." he said softly, cupping her face between his hands and bringing her up to look at him. "You okay?" and it sounded lame, even to him. Obviously she wasn't okay.

She kept a death grip on Jin, not entirely sure what to do or say. Or what the hell she was even doing out in the jungle to begin with. So she just stared at Sawyer, dumbfounded. She searched his eyes to see if _he_ knew what was going on. Clearly he hadn't a clue, so she looked to Miles and he looked just as uncertain as Sawyer did. Last thing she remembered was blurting out her issues with Ben to Sawyer and falling asleep on the bathroom floor.

"I think she's in shock.." Miles grumbled, concern growing further in the pit of his stomach. "C'mon girl, you gotta talk to us," he told her, reaching out for her hand. He was shocked when she recoiled from his touch and clung further to Jin who looked a bit uncomfortable and unsure what to do.

"We.. we go back.." Jin told them suddenly. "Need doctor.." he mumbled, trying his best to comfort the blonde. He watched as Sawyer and Miles stepped out of his way and he slowly led Juliet out of the jungle towards the fences with his arm wrapped protectively across her shoulders. By the time they arrived there, Horace was already waiting with a van and putting in the code to the fence to let them through.

"Oh my.." Horace muttered, staring at her. "What happened to her? Where did you find her?" he asked immediately, opening up the side of the van to help them get her inside.

"Don't know," Jin answered for them all. "No talk, she need doctor," he said, repeating his earlier statement. He sat in the back with her curled up at his side, and he wasn't sure what to do for her. She taught him most of the English he knew, how to bake a cake, and they shared a few lunches and dinners and he talked about Sun. He could tell Sawyer and Miles both looked a little hurt that she wouldn't even look at either of them now or let them touch her, he wasn't sure why it was _him _she clung to. He could only assume it was because he went to her first.

_Two hours later.._

The three men were sitting in complete silence outside the infirmary waiting to hear something. All of them had heard her freaking out inside when she'd been told she had been gone for over three days. Horace had exited the building after that looking harried and haggard.

"What's goin' on with her, H?" Sawyer asked immediately. He was pissed that they were allowed to go in with her, but apparently she hadn't wanted any of them in there with her either. If they were gonna find anything out they were obviously going to have to question their fearless leader and see what he would tell them.

Horace studied the concerned faces of the three men and frowned. "She.. doesn't seem to recall a single event from the passed three days," he admitted to them. "She just remembers going to sleep, then waking up in the jungle which is when you guys found her," he told them all.

Sawyer rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. She remembered going to sleep, but not getting up in the morning and running off? That meant she remembered everything she told him, which was a relief to him in some ways. But it also meant that there were three days that no one would ever know what went on during.

"_You know.. even if they don't – I'll still have your back."_

"There's something else.." Horace finally piped up. "Has she ever been shot?"

Sawyer stared at him, stunned at the question. "Not that I'm aware of.." he told him. Why would he ask that?

"There's a recently healed gun-shot wound to her right shoulder.." Horace admitted to them. "She's also got this strange scar on her lower back.." he explained. "She's never mentioned any of this? She says she's had the scar a while, but, she also said she doesn't remember ever being shot."

Sawyer, Miles and Jin all stared at him with uncertainty.

"No chance in hell she got shot and it _healed_ in three days," Miles told him.

"Unlikely.." Jin agreed.

"Excuse me?"

The four men glanced at Rosie who had popped her head out the screen door.

"Juliet's asking for you, Mr. LaFleur.." Rosie informed them.

Sawyer didn't hesitate to duck out of the conversation and go inside the infirmary, following Rosie to where Juliet was. He paused when they entered, because Juliet had her back turned to them and was putting a new shirt on. He took the chance to study her lower back and he stared at the ugly scar that blistered it. The strange symbol looked like it had been put onto her back with a branding iron and he wondered briefly if it was some Others' initiation mark.

He shook the thought from his head, but his eyes remained on her pale complexion that was probably flawless at the norm, but now, was riddled with scrapes, cuts and bruises. He turned to Rosie and gestured for her to leave, which she didn't seem overly thrilled about but she did as he wanted regardless.

Once he checked that they were alone, he came up to her and watched as she turned to look at him. And where before, he'd come in with the intention of questioning her about if she was lying about her loss of memory for the passed three days.. he found that all the questions had completely wiped from his mind at the look on her face. She had such a look of loss and discomfort in her eyes that it tore through him at his core. "Hey.." he said, his voice filled with concern.

"I don't like having three days of my life go missing.." she told him immediately, taking a seat on the infirmary bed. She rubbed at her eyes with her hands. "I'm sure Horace told you, and I'll clarify this now.. I've _never_ been shot," she told him. "The only time this could have happened was in the last three days," she stated, shoving aside the strap of the tank top she'd been given and showing him her healing bullet wound. "I want to know what happened to me out there.."

Sawyer took a seat beside her. He could already tell she was acting calm as best she could under the circumstances, and he could only imagine that if he were in her position, he'd probably be a lot less calm. "We'll figure it out.." he told her, though he wasn't too sure they really would. He felt it was necessary to say it.

"No we won't.." she told him, resting her hands on her lap. "James, I felt like I was waking up, and by the time I was even vaguely aware of what was going on, I was running through the jungle like a bat out of hell."

He narrowed his eyes in response. She was running _before_ she knew what she was doing? "You're sayin' you weren't just knocked the fuck out for three damned days? You were running around doing.. well.. whatever.."

"I'm saying I don't have a damned clue!" she growled out in frustration. "Like I said.. I felt like I was just waking up, but I was running, from what.. I couldn't tell you, but I was scared shitless.."

Breathe in.. breathe out.. that was the only thing he could tell himself for a moment as he tried to figure out what to do. He did the only thing possible for now. He reached his hand out and covered her hand with his own. "It's gonna be fine.." he assured her.

"You don't _know_ that!" she screeched out. "_Look _at me, James!" she demanded. "Three days! I went missing for three days and nobody knows a thing, I can't remember it at all.. what if it happens again?!" she questioned, feeling slightly hysterical. "I don't want to die on this stupid island.." she whispered, shifting and slumping forward in defeat. "I just.. all I've wanted was to go home.."

Sawyer had to take a deep breath to relax himself. He placed his hand underneath her chin and forced her to look him in the eyes, waited for her to do so. "Listen to me.." he said gently. "I'll sit on a chair in front of your damned door all night if you want me to, but there ain't no way in hell I'm gonna let this happen again, ya' understand me?" he asked her. "I'll protect you.."

Juliet felt her lips trembling in response as she tried to bite down and stop it. She was sick and tired of crying, of the nightmares, of all the insanity that happened on this island. But staying here was the only way she could get home and where would she be if she lost any hope for home? Instead she pulled her chin from his hand and stood, heading towards the door of the infirmary. She paused only for a moment and looked back at him. "I don't want your protection," she told him flat-out, her face going stone-cold. "I've had enough people offer that and look where it's gotten me so far.."

Sawyer was silent in response as she left. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and that woman had been a hell of a lot more than scorned. She was bathing in the pain others inflicted on her. He wondered how he hadn't seen that in her before they'd been forced to work together. He just sat there a little longer, wondering how anybody could hide all of that pain for so long without spontaneously combusting like she had the last few weeks. And at the last look on her face, he hoped she wasn't about to revert to the pre-time flashes Juliet.

**()()TBC()()**

**Yes, that's right. February is going to have a THIRD part.. as ridonkulous as that sounds. Anyone who can figure out how I've made the shortest month of the year become the longest gets a cookie, because I can't figure it out. Hah!**

**We have any more months like this one, and this story will be a lot longer then originally planned.**

**-Sarah**


	7. February, 1975 Last Part

**Honestly, you people always have the nicest things to say.**

For **K.C.M.S.** Way to give a good reason for why February is so much longer when it's the shortest month! It definitely made me giggle.

**Living the Lie**: (February, Last Part.)

_February 14,_

_1975._

She was changing from pajamas to normal clothes after she woke up in the morning. That's when she caught the first good look at herself in the mirror above her dresser. She could handle all of this, right? She could deal with the fact that three days of her life were unknown to her, in which time she'd been shot, fully healed, and then trekked through the jungle with no clear habitual thoughts, where she'd wound up riddling her body with cuts and bruises. She can, she swears to herself that she can.

Blue eyes stared themselves down as she was honed in on herself in the mirror. Looking into those eyes, she felt like it wasn't even her inside anymore. Like something had been taken away from her and replaced with something else, something distant. Unlike yesterday, now she _wanted_ to feel the hysterics, she _wanted_ to feel something. But all she felt was numb.

She very nearly punched the mirror in but she stopped herself. She looked away now, pulling a long-sleeved shirt on and a pair of jeans. All of which cause more then a little discomfort to all the open cuts, but she ignored it as best she could. When she opened the door she wasn't entirely too sure what to think. Because Sawyer was sitting there reading a book. "What are you doing?" she asked instantly.

Sawyer glanced up over his shoulder at her and dog-eared the page before closing his book. He stood up and pulled the chair out of her way. "Told you I'd sit outside your door," he reminded her.

She felt a pang of regret hit her for telling him she didn't want his protection yesterday afternoon and then acting so cold towards him the rest of the evening. Still, she didn't allow her mask to fall again as she studied him cautiously, her head tilted slightly to the side. "Did you sit there all night?" she asked him.

He shrugged slightly in response to that. To be honest, he was more worried about her now that she was back then he had been when she was missing. At how quickly she'd gone from telling him about her life, to holding onto him like her life depended on it, to.. this. To a face that held no feeling in it, a voice that held no emotion. It was like she had reverted back to her old self and he found himself eerily missing the Juliet he'd come to know recently.

"Wanna tell me 'bout that scar?" he questioned, trying to change the subject fairly quickly. And he noticed this time her mask _didn't_ keep. It dropped, and morphed, and something akin to rage formed in it's place. And he realized he's never really seen her look _this_ angry before.

"I don't want to tell you about anything," she answered curtly before turning away and going down the hall.

He was taken aback by her tone almost immediately. What in the hell went on with her out in the jungle? And for the first time he found himself wondering if this was because she couldn't remember, or because she _could_. He followed after her as she went into the kitchen and was ready to start asking that very question when there was a knock on the door. He made no moves to go and see who stood on the other side of it.

Juliet turned her eyes on him. "Not going to answer it?" she questioned. She watched as he continued to stare at her before she closed the refrigerator door and moved towards the front door. She only stopped when his hand gripped her forearm lightly. "What?"

"Don't hide away again, Juliet.." he told her softly. "You call me James so that I can't hide from you, at least do me the courtesy of doin' the same in return."

Her eyes softened in response to his words. She veiled the emotions immediately though. "Sorry, I'll just call you Sawyer.. wait, or is it Jim.. yes, I'll just call you Jim then," she told him before stepping away and opening the front door. Doing so revealed Miles and Jin holding a plate of french toast and she felt a small smile emerge. "You guys made breakfast?" she questioned curiously.

"Yep," Miles stated, grinning at her. He took the time to look over her appearance and he could see she was hiding any blemishes to her skin under all the clothing. "Good excuse to check on you," he admitted.

"We.. were worried," Jin added.

She stepped aside to let the two men inside the house. She glanced back at Sawyer and noticed he was now looking anywhere but at her. She felt bad, having said what she did to him. "I already ate, but I appreciate it nonetheless," she informed them, her eyes daring Sawyer to tell them she was lying. "I was heading to Amy's, but.. I don't think.." she paused. "I don't believe Jim ate yet." And it sounded weird, even to her own ears.

Jin and Miles both watched as she walked out and closed the door behind her.

Miles stared over at Sawyer now who was just looking at the ground. He almost asked if he said something stupid to her again. Almost. But he didn't. Instead he put the plate of french toast on the table and took a seat. "Sorry man.." he mumbled out the apology. "About.. you know, yesterday."

Sawyer nodded his head slightly and glanced out the window. "Don't blame ya'," he admitted with a shrug. "I'd've thought the same damn thing if I were you." He froze, watching as Roger the dipshit got in Juliet's path. And he noticed just from the way her body was positioned she was _extremely_ uncomfortable with the conversation that was now transpiring. "I'll be back.." he muttered. And he was out the front door in an instant.

"I thought I'd see how you were doing," Roger told her with a smile, holding out a small bunch of flowers. "Maybe see if you wanted to have a Valentines Day dinner?"

Juliet shrunk away slightly and tried her best not to gag at the thought. "I can't take those, Roger.." she assured him the the bravest tone she could manage at the moment. She could see little Ben watching from the window of their living room. It made her think about taking a run into the jungle. And suddenly she felt a little dizzy, thought she saw herself running from something in her mind's eyes. She swayed a little and felt herself being steadied from behind.

She dared to look back at who it was and saw Sawyer who was glaring at Roger. She watched as his eyes came to rest on her and she felt like she lost the words to speak. Whispers, running, running, a tower of smoke, branches hitting her, tripping and falling, getting up and doing it all again.

"You alright, sweetheart?" he questioned, adding in the fake tone of endearment for show to Roger.

"James.." she muttered. And everything was spinning around and she _really_ felt like she was going to throw up.

"Sonuvabitch," he growled out, pulling her into his arms. He noticed Horace and Amy running over but he didn't care about that. He immediately turned the anger onto Roger. "What the hell did ya' do to her?" he asked immediately.

Roger waved his hands in front of him. "I didn't _do_ anything!" he answered. "We were just talking!" he swore.

Miles and Jin were running over now as well.

"What's going on?" Horace questioned the men immediately. He tossed a worried glance at Juliet who was holding her head with both of her hands.

Sawyer didn't give it a second thought. He gave Juliet a push into Miles' arms. "Take 'er back to the house," he told him. He watched as Miles and Jin both led the swaying blonde back to the house and he turned back to Roger, shoving him backwards and nearly knocking him off his feet. "You did somethin', what the hell did you do?!"

Horace intervened quickly, getting between the two men. "Jim stop, stop!" he told him quickly. He turned to look at Roger. "Tell me what happened."

"I was just talking to her, I swear," Roger told him. "Then she just started acting funny and then he showed up, I didn't _do_ anything!"

Horace quickly dismissed Roger before looking at Sawyer. "Calm down, Jim.." he said gently. "I know what happened scared the crap out of you, it's scared everyone, but you can't take it out on Roger," he pointed out.

"JIM!"

Sawyer and Horace turned almost immediately to the sound of Jin's voice and they looked to see Juliet laying motionless on the front porch with Miles trying to shake her awake. Both men, along with Amy, went running over.

"What the hell happened now?!" Sawyer growled out, shoving his way through to get next to Juliet. He knelt down and looked at her. Her eyes were open, she looked almost catatonic the way she lay there.

"She just dropped, I have no idea!" Miles told him. "She was muttering something about a Richard.. and the hostiles, and smoke."

Horace and Sawyer both locked eyes with each other. Both men appeared to know exactly what she had been talking about.

"Alright.." Sawyer began. "Richard, hostiles.. I get that," he admitted to Horace. He had to lie about this one. "_Why_ exactly would she be muttering about smoke?"

Horace ran his hand over his head and frowned. "We may not have been _completely_ honest about the.. dangers.. on this island," he admitted. "There are some things that are just.. unexplainable."

"Get me a damned jeep," he growled out to Horace. "Me and Richard needa' chat."

Horace made no notion he was going to do any such thing. "Listen to me Jim, you're not thinking clearly," he told the man. And he tried, for several minutes, to talk the man out of whatever he wanted to confront Richard about. "It's a death sentence marching into their territory," he warned him. "We had a reason before, they gave us that when we were searching for her," he explained. "This is a _bad_ idea."

When a jeep pulled up both men looked shocked as Amy got out and handed Sawyer the keys. Neither of them had ever seen her leave.

Sawyer lifted Juliet into his arms and locked eyes with Amy for a moment, showing his gratitude. He rested the blonde on the back seat and froze when Miles took the keys from his hand.

"I'll drive," Miles told him. "You sit in the back with her."

Jin took shotgun, jumping into the passenger's seat.

Horace watched as the men situated themselves in the jeep. He frowned, his eyebrows furrowing and finally he did the only thing that he could. "Be careful."

_February 15,_

_1975._

They hadn't found anyone yet. No one had confronted them. It was just like when they'd been searching for Juliet. If they didn't want to be found, it became ridiculous to even bother.

But Sawyer refused to give up. Somebody in that camp had to know what happened to Juliet. He was positive that if she was mumbling about Richard, the hostiles and the damned smoke monster then something had to have happened involving all three of them.

They were all sitting around a little fire they'd built. Juliet was sitting as well, staring out at absolutely nothing. He didn't even see any remote hint that she was conscious of anything going on and she hadn't spoken a word since they'd begun their trek through the jungle. He'd never seen anything like it. And it was a little while later that she laid down and closed her eyes, so he did the same.

_February 16,_

_1975._

Crunch. Crunch.

He heard it, and he sat up almost immediately. It was just in time to see Juliet stand up and take off into the jungle. "JULIET!" he growled out immediately. He noticed Jin and Miles shoot up and he didn't wait for them. He was following after her immediately. "Juliet!! STOP!" he yelled out, trying to catch up. But damn she was fast, and he was losing her. It was only a moment later when he saw her abrupt stop and he noticed why. Richard had a firm hold on her arms and was holding her still.

Richard glanced up and saw Sawyer stop right next to them. He made sure not to loosen his grasp on the blonde in his arms, even as the two other men came up as well. "I'd ask why you're out here, but I can assume she's the reason."

"What'd you and yer' people do to her, Richard?" Sawyer asked immediately.

"A few days ago I ran into her in the jungle," he admitted. He glanced at the strange look in the blonde's eyes. "She confronted me about something I'll do nearly thirty years from now," he stated. "She disarmed me, one of my people shot her."

Sawyer narrowed his eyes. "So you just bandaged her up and sent her on her way?"

Richard arched an eyebrow. "That's the problem," he answered casually. "I never healed her, I was going to, I was heading towards our temple to do so, but when I took a rest, she disappeared."

"What do you mean, disappeared?" Miles piped up. This story made absolutely no sense.

Richard studied Juliet further. "I'm saying she ran off when I wasn't looking and I couldn't find her," he explained. "Which makes no sense, she should be dead if that's the case," he admitted. "But if you didn't help her, and I didn't.." he trailed off. His eyes widened a little. Before anyone had time to react he took his gun out and pistol-whipped Juliet over the head.

"What the hell're you doin'?!" Sawyer growled out immediately, grabbing hold of Juliet as she fell over.

"Trust me," Richard stated. "That was for our own safety," he assured them. "You'll want to follow me to the temple, now."

Sawyer narrowed his eyes slightly. Something about his tone seemed honest enough. And he didn't _want_ to trust Richard, but he got the feeling he had to. Juliet hadn't been remotely normal since they'd gotten her back. First she had reverted back to her old self and then she'd simply gotten worse. Now she was absolutely losing it. "Fine.. lead the damned way Cover Girl.."

Miles snorted. Even in the situation, he couldn't help it. Richard didn't seem to understand, but Jin seemed to, at least a little. All three men followed after Richard, Sawyer carrying Juliet.

_February 17,_

_1975._

"You're going to want to hand her to me," Richard told Sawyer, holding his arms out for the blonde. He could see the hesitation in the man's eyes but noticed he did as he asked anyways. "Now, you're definitely going to want to stay on _that_ side of this line here," he stated, pointing down at the ash line on the perimeter of the temple. "Just in case."

He watched as all three men eyed him warily. He also watched as they all stepped to the opposite side of the line, the side where the temple lay. "Now James, hold your arms out."

Sawyer arched his eyebrows up immediately.

"We have to do this quickly."

Sawyer did as Richard asked, though he wasn't entirely sure _why_ he had his arms out. "What're you gonna do?" he dared to ask.

"Save her, if it's not too late," Richard answered, not indulging them further. He set Juliet on her feet and watched as her eyes opened, revealing a pair of the bluest eyes he's ever seen. He tried not to give that a second thought as he shoved her over the line. He watched as her body sailed right over the line and into Sawyer's waiting arms. He stepped over the line as well, watching as her body convulsed slightly.

"Hand her over," he told him quickly, and watched as Sawyer did so. He bundled the convulsing blonde into his arms and ran for the temple, ignoring the looks of its inhabitants as he went into the pool-room.

The blonde man in his white tunic stared at him but said nothing, watching as the three other men came running in behind him. He stared at the convulsing body of the blonde woman and reached his arms out for her. The moment she was passed to him the convulsing stopped and he walked into a separate room with her, the door closing behind him.

"What the hell?" Sawyer questioned immediately. "Where's he taking her? What's he doin' to her?" he asked Richard immediately.

Miles and Jin were silent, not sure what they could do in response to all that had happened.

Richard glanced at them all but said nothing to answer the questions, he simply took a seat against the wall.

"What do we do?" Sawyer finally asked.

"Now," Richard conceded. "Now, we wait."

Sawyer didn't like it. But he got the feeling he didn't really have much of a choice. So he took a seat against the wall as well, but near Miles and Jin. The other two men looked just as uncomfortable with this situation as he did, and that, at least, made him feel a little more comfort.

_February 19,_

_1975._

Warmth. Safety. Tingling. That was what she felt when she opened her eyes. She took in her surroundings and sat up slowly, her hand going to her forehead just over her eyes to block out some of the light. Her eyes took a moment to adjust, like she had just spent days in darkness and she realized she had no idea where she was or what had been happening.

"Relax.."

She turned her head immediately and looked at the man that walked towards her. She inched herself backwards, away from him out of reflex and instinct rather then anything else. She didn't really feel all that afraid of him, in fact, she felt sort of serene in his presence. "Who.." and she paused, hearing the raspy sound of her own voice. She continued none the less. "Who are you?"

He smiled, handing her a canteen and watched as she drank from it. "My name, is Jacob," he told her. "I'm sure you've heard of me, if that scar on your back is any indication."

Juliet paused immediately, bringing the canteen away from her lips and staring up into the man's blue eyes.

"Don't worry," he told her. "I know who you are, when you're from," he assured her. "I know what you've done, I know everything."

Juliet stared at him with absolute uncertainty. She'd been questioning this man's existence and she wasn't sure she was ready to believe he was actually real at this point. But here he was. "What happened to me?" she dared to ask.

"Well, what's the last thing that you remember?" Jacob asked her, studying her face. It showed nothing but slight disbelief and he wasn't sure he blamed her for that.

She thought about that. "Being shot.." she replied a moment later. She tried to concentrate on anything afterwards that could have happened, but she found she couldn't think of a single thing.

"I see," Jacob replied in thought. He wondered how she was going to react to what he was about to tell her. "Juliet, that was a week and a half ago."

"What?" she asked immediately. "What do you mean it happened a week and a half ago?" she questioned in disbelief. "What about--" she froze. "James, Jin, Miles, they must wonder where I've been.. have I been here the whole time?"

Jacob smiled at the fact she'd just become more worried about what her friends must be thinking about her disappearance rather then what had happened to her in the passed week and a half. "Calm down," he told her, reaching his hand out and placing it on the side of her face.

And the tranquil sensation that shot through her seemed strange, and she felt eerily peaceful all of the sudden as she stared into Jacob's eyes.

"Your friends are just outside, they, along with Richard, brought you here two days ago," he explained to her. "Now, I need you to remember what happened to you."

She stared at him, unmoving as his other hand came and rested on her forehead. And the next sensation shot through her and she felt her whole body jolt in reaction. And she felt like this was an out of body experience. She was coming in and out of consciousness, hearing bits and pieces of conversation.

"_I'll take her to the temple_."

"_That's impossible. What proof do we have that she's one of ours?_"

That was all of the conversation she'd really caught. It had been between Richard and some woman, she wasn't sure who exactly that woman was. She remembered Richard laying her down, sitting down a few feet away and resting his eyes. And she remembered seeing the smoke, towering over her. A moment later she felt herself being dragged, she felt something akin to rage and anger inside of her. And then, nothing for a while. Until she'd gone running through the jungle, branches slapping at her, falling, getting up and repeating this.

She remembered doing that for hours until she'd run straight into Jin, clinging to the man for dear life with fear wracking her body. The fear of whatever was inside of her. The fear of not knowing what was going on. And he'd been there to grab onto and she'd used him as a life-line. She remembered freaking out, being told she'd been gone for days. She remembered pretty much everything, up to the harsh words she'd spoken to Sawyer, then running into Roger. That was where things got fuzzy and darkness set in again.

"_You alright, sweetheart?_"

Jacob removed his hands and stared at her. "I see.." he muttered, even though she had technically said nothing. "Anything else that's happened in this passed week and a half has not been your doing," he assured her. "That is why you do not remember it."

Juliet studied him carefully, testing the validity of his statement. "I don't understand.." she admitted after a moment.

"Are you sure you want to?" he asked her.

She opened her mouth, but snapped it shut. In truth, she wasn't sure she _did_ want to know. "Will it happen again?" she questioned immediately. That was all she truly needed or wanted to know at this point.

"No," he assured her. He helped her to her feet and reached to open the door but stopped and looked at the woman behind him. "When the day comes that you're ready to know what happened, to understand it, you'll be free to come to me."

Juliet was silent in response to that. She watched as he pushed open the door and stepped out, and she felt a bit of worry about what the three men would do when she stepped out as well. She felt fortunate that it seemed to be late at night and all three men were sleeping. She watched as Jacob confronted Richard and then after several minutes he disappeared back into the room they had just come from. She watched as the door shut behind him and she finally locked eyes with Richard across the room.

"For what it's worth," Richard began in a quiet voice, stepping up beside her. "I apologize for not being able to protect you."

Juliet let that statement run through her head momentarily before she let the realization hit her that he wasn't talking about her getting shot. He was talking about whatever had followed that. She lowered her eyes to the ground for a moment before she brought them back up to his eye-level. "Thank you for trying.." was all she could really come up with in response.

And she took a seat next to Sawyer's sleeping form, not entirely sure why, but she knew it felt safe there. She briefly thought that _maybe_, just maybe, she was coming to rely on him just a little too much these days. After everything she's put him through, she wondered if she should keep her distance. After all, when she got too close, people died, or left her. It really wasn't safe for him to be too close to her, and it most definitely wasn't safe for her emotions. She had time to figure it it, and so she let herself slide down the wall and she laid down, closing her eyes. Maybe it was all just a really bad dream.

_February 20,_

_1975._

When he woke up, he realized something or somebody was curled up into his side. When he finally dared to look down at whoever it was, the first thing he saw was blonde hair splayed out on his chest. He remained absolutely still for a moment as that protective urge surged through him for nearly the millionth time this month. It's ridiculous, because he should hate her, but five months have shown him that she wasn't that person she had pretended she was.

He should still be offended by her words, about how she had decided she'd rather call him Jim then to let him continue to pry into her life. For whatever reason, he couldn't find it in himself to hold that against her either, not now. There was something a lot more peaceful and serene about her right now then there had been in over a week and a half. He wondered if that meant she was alright now, that she wouldn't go running off in the middle of the night or early mornings.

When somebody sit down on the other side of him, he glanced over at them. It was the same man who had carried her into that room a few days ago.

"She needs you, you know.." Jacob informed him.

"What happened to her?" Sawyer questioned, ignoring the man's previous statement. Mostly because he didn't see Juliet as ever really needing anyone. Then again, maybe that was just him still thinking about the old Juliet. The _Other_ Juliet.

Jacob sighed in response. "When she's ready to know, she'll come ask me," he assured the man. "And after that, when she's ready to tell you, I'm sure she will."

Sawyer narrowed his eyes slightly and watched as the man stood and left again. There was something oddly familiar about him that he just couldn't place. But before he had the chance to ask about that, he felt the blonde shifting. He glanced down to see her eyes opening and now he thought that maybe he should have untangled her from himself. He really didn't want her to start freaking out again.

She was silent for a moment, contemplating what to say to him. Obviously while in her mind she'd been thinking how she should stay away, her body had other plans. She managed to force herself _not_ to blush with the embarrassment. "I didn't mean it.." she informed him, figuring it was probably better to start out with something else. "When I called you Jim, said I didn't want to tell you about anything.." she explained.

Sawyer watched her as she pulled herself off of him finally. He thought about cracking a joke but figured it probably wasn't the best time for that. "It's alright," he assured her.

"Not really.." she corrected him. "Because you were right, I do call you James so that you can't hide away under an alias again," she admitted. "And then you tried to ask me something, and I--" she paused, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the wall. "That scar is the mark of my betrayal," she finally told him.

He narrowed his eyes almost immediately, staring at her as though she'd lost her mind. "From who? _Them_?" he questioned, trying to decipher what she meant. "But you never went back there again after you came to the beach, right?"

Juliet glanced over at him. "It was after I shot Danny," she explained. "When I helped you, Kate and Karl escape back to the island," she told him. She put up a hand, stopping him from whatever he was about to say. "And don't apologize for it, because I didn't do it for you, or Kate, or even Karl," she admitted, shaking her head. "I did it for me."

Sawyer tried to understand that, but he wasn't sure he understood what she would get from helping them escape. "How was that for you?"

She arched an eyebrow up slightly. "I tried to tell Danny to let you go, before he found you on the shore," she informed him, closing her eyes. "He wouldn't listen, even though it was Ben's orders, because Jack was refusing to finish the surgery unless you guys were free."

He frowned slightly.

"So.. Ben told me, if I helped you guys escape, if I did that so that Jack would complete the surgery, then he'd let me go home," she blurted out. "They wanted to kill me, eye for an eye and all that.." she muttered. "But Jack, he struck a deal saying that if Ben spared me and let me and Jack leave on the sub, he would take care of Ben until he was better."

Sawyer watched her, obviously remembering all of this a little too keenly. He still felt horrible, even if she _had_ done it for herself.

"Basically, Ben spared me, but ordered me to be marked," she explained to him, opening her eyes but still not looking at him. "You know, I asked Jack to kill Ben in that surgery," she admitted, rubbing her temples with her fingers. "I don't even know what kind of person I've become here when I realize I've stooped to that level.."

He was stunned. She'd asked Jack to do that? She had tried to have Ben killed, and then she had taken to working for him again? Then again, he wasn't sure whose side Juliet was ever really on. "Did you ever have a side?" he dared to ask. "I mean, did you ever really pick one side to join and stick with?"

She finally looked over at him and gave him a half-smile. "I like to think I was on my own side.." she explained with a shrug. "Up until those last few nights on the beach, everything I'd done up to that point had only been for my own benefit. I didn't really care much about anybody else's."

"Until you put everyone else on the zodiac first, and never got on yourself.." Sawyer pointed out, waiting to see how she could possibly reject that and say she'd done it for her own benefit.

Her eyes cast downward almost immediately. "I uh.. I promised Jack I would get everyone onto the freighter.." she explained, running her fingers through her hair. "I guess I did it for him.. I suppose that actually saved my life."

He felt bad for opening that up. He didn't dare say the other possibility. The one that she was leaving out that said.. '_maybe I could have made it home.._'.

"Hey!" came Miles' voice. "If you two snuggle-buddies are done, maybe we should head back.." he suggested. "We've uh.. been gone a while."

Juliet felt a smile tugging at her lips and she looked up at Sawyer before glancing over at Miles. She noticed him send a small smile her way and she nodded her head slightly. She watched as he came over and she took the hand he offered to help her get to her feet.

"Glad you're alright," he admitted with a shrug.

"Yeah well.." she chuckled. "I'm sure your french toast sucked anyways.."

Miles gave her a shit-eating grin as Sawyer and Jin both laughed.

_February 22,_

_1975._

When they came back it seemed to surprise everyone. Horace didn't ask where they've been for over a week. He seemed to already know. He shook hands with the three men, sort of envious of the way Sawyer was able to negotiate things out with Richard. When he came to Juliet, he gave the blonde and short and simple hug. "It's good to see you're alright again," he told her.

Sawyer watched as Miles and Jin went into their house and he looked at Horace now. After a few minutes the group of hippies had dissipated and only himself, Amy, Horace and Juliet remained. He took this as a good time to voice his opinion. "Just a side-note H," he began. "When you ask people to join your little community.. tell them _everything_.." he stated. "Right about now I'm thinkin' I'd rather go home."

Juliet looked at him, surprised by the statement.

Horace seemed slightly surprised as well. "I apologize for that, Jim.." he told the man quickly. "And we'd really like you to stay, but if you don't trust us now, I think I'll understand."

Sawyer said nothing, grasping Juliet's hand in his own and pulling her to their house. He shot her a smile. "Think he believed that?"

Juliet arched both eyebrows in response. "Well I did, so I suppose he probably did as well." She thought about that momentarily and rolled her eyes when she looked down at their hands. "It's no wonder these people think we're.. you know.."

He laughed, he couldn't help himself. But he did release her hand. "Shit happens, Blondie."

"Bite me, James.." she mocked him, heading for the couch.

Sawyer grinned. "You name it, I'll bite it."

She just barely contained the blush.

**()()TBC()()**

**Finally. February comes to an end! I used this as some serious procrastination for my Sociology class. Which is a bad idea, since I now have that class in about an hour. And I've yet to read the chapters.. LOL. The last three weeks its been canceled due to snow. Whoops.. I really should have done the reading by now. Time to practice my powers of skimming..**

**-Sarah**


	8. March, 1975

**Sorry for the delay. I planned to get multiple chapters written and prepared this weekend, but, I few of you know _why_ that never happened. Hah. Intoxication, exes, you get the idea.**

**Living the Lie**:

_March 3,_

_1975._

Everything seemed to be relatively normal ever since they returned from their hostile-territory trek to save Juliet. Or, at least, it had been relatively normal. Until he came home today and found Juliet sitting at their kitchen table playing go-fish with little Benjamin Linus. The little bastard that had driven her to the brink of insanity that had caused _all _of her problems in the first place. And yet, here she was, playing a card game that would have been absolutely innocent if she'd played it with _anybody _else. Little Ben hadn't bothered to look back at him, whereas Juliet simply looked up and silenced anything he had to say with on simple look that said, '_shut the fuck up_'.

And he did, epically if he might add. He sat down on the couch, opened up his book, and did his very best to ignore how she played so easily with a kid who, nearly thirty years from now, would emotionally cripple and torment her. It was indeed hard to ignore how innocent the kid seemed to be now though, as he listened to the kid tell jokes and as Juliet laughed softly in acknowledgment of them. Truthfully, he envied her ability to sit there and handle all of this. He just hoped it wouldn't turn into a fiasco such as the last time.

"Knock, Knock!" came Ben's cheery voice.

Sawyer glanced up in time to see Juliet smile softly.

"Who's there?" came the designated response.

Ben grinned. "Dishes!"

Juliet narrowed her eyes slightly and wondered what joke could _possibly _come from the word dishes. "You got me.." she conceded. "Dishes who?"

"Dishes the FBI, open up!"

A real smile cracked from her lips this time. "That's pretty clever," she told him, laughing a little in response. "Where did you learn that one?"

"Annie told me," Ben explained.

Juliet chuckled. "Annie, eh? She's really nice, isn't she?"

Ben nodded immediately. "She's nicer then the other kids," he admitted. "They don't talk to me, but she plays with me on the swings."

Sawyer tried to pretend he wasn't listening, digging his nose further into the book.

Her eyes softened slightly. "Some people are just mean, Ben.." she assured him. "But you know what? Those people don't matter in the end, it's the nice ones that you need to keep around."

Ben shuffled his feet a little under the table and nodded. "What if they don't want to stay around?"

She smiled in response. "If they're as nice as you think, even if they aren't _really_ here later, they'll always be right here," she assured him, pointing to where her heart lay. "People come and go, but the ones that truly matter, Ben, they'll always be in your heart."

Sawyer allowed his eyes to drift from his book and look at Juliet after her explanation. It made him look at her in a completely different way. Though, lately with all that's happened, he's seen so many different sides to her. And he realized almost immediately that she was different with just about everybody. He wasn't sure that anyone even _really_ knew who Juliet – he paused in that thought. He didn't know her last name. How the hell had he gone so long without _ever_ asking her that question? What last name had shegiven to Horace?

The knock at the door caused him to shoot out of his thoughts. He realized he'd completely missed whatever else had come through in Juliet and Ben's conversation.

She placed her cards down and went to the door, opening it up. "Hi Roger," she greeted him. "Ben, your dad's back," she told the boy at the table.

"Okay," came the short and curt reply as the boy cleaned up their card game.

"Can't tell you how much I appreciate you watching him for me," Roger told her. "I know he can be a bit of a nuisance but--"

That made Sawyer look up. Far as he could tell, Ben had been perfectly sweet and polite, as strange as that thought was to perceive.

"Nonsense," Juliet assured him, cutting him off as Ben came up beside her. She placed her hand on the boy's hair and ruffled it with a smile. "He's a wonderful kid, way too good at card games though," she stated with a laugh.

Sawyer managed not to roll his eyes.

"Well, thanks then.." Roger stated, leading Ben out.

Juliet shut the door behind them and instantly locked eyes with Sawyer on the couch. She knew he'd been paying close attention for the last twenty or so minutes. Then for the last five, he'd been out in his own world. "I should have told you I agreed to watch him today.." she conceded before he could say anything. "What were you thinking about?"

He closed the book and studied her. He didn't have the heart to open up the can of worms and ask her how she could deal with little Ben all day and some of the night. And from the look on her face, she didn't really want to explain it. "Just realized, I don't know yer' last name," he answered. 

Surprise was her initial reaction. After all of that, the only thing he had to say was that he didn't know her last name? She had noticed he'd walked on eggshells with her ever since they'd returned to the barracks, but this was just downright strange. Ever since they'd gotten stuck in the seventies, he'd made every attempt to figure out personal things about her. "Oh.." was the only reply she could think to form at this point, when she realized she'd just stared at him for two minutes straight.

"Oh?" he questioned curiously. "What nationality does _that_ come from?" he asked, smirking in response. He couldn't help but tease her for her response. Clearly she hadn't expected that from him. "Half a year and here I am realizin' I don't know your last name.. and it was so simple!"

A smile drifted onto her face automatically from his words. "Ha-ha, James.." she muttered with a roll of her eyes. "You hungry?" she questioned, heading into the kitchen.

He frowned slightly, realizing she still hadn't told him. "Whatcha' makin'?" he asked. And he heard the fridge open and heard as she moved things around inside.

"Spaghetti I suppose, we really haven't stocked up on much food recently," she reminded him. "Want to learn how to make it? It's pretty basic."

He glanced at the wall between them and arched an eyebrow up. She was offering to teach him to cook? He stood, going around the wall and into the kitchen. "You're the cooking guru," he told her with a smirk. "Teach me, master."

She chuckled and pulled out a pot. "Sure thing, grasshopper," she teased. And they boiled the water, threw in the noodles, and she taught him to make spaghetti and home-made sauce. It was after a short sauce-flinging contest, where she had sauce on her cheek and he had some on his forehead, that they'd gone back to actually cooking when she finally spoke up. "Burke."

"What?" Sawyer questioned, looking at her curiously.

"My last name," she reminded him. "It's Burke."

He felt himself smiling a little as he went back to stirring the sauce. "Juliet Oh sounded more.. Shakespearean," he stated. "Then, when it was written backwards, we could all say, 'Oh, Juliet!" And her laugh in response to his words was like music to his ears. It was the most free he'd heard her in almost a month. He was sort of glad she was finally getting back to normal.

_March 8,_

_1975._

He thought he was doing a fairly good job of ignoring people today as he sat on the edge of the dock and stared out at the water. He couldn't be bothered to go back to that little Dharma house after he got off his shift at the security station, not tonight. He still wasn't all that sure how he felt about living two lives at the same time. One version of him still a child out in the real world, the adult him, the current him, sitting on the island in the exact same year. It made him wonder which _him_ was actually the current one.

Time travel really was a bitch. He knew he wasn't the only one of their group dealing with the strange feeling. After all, Miles said he wasn't even in diapers yet and Juliet had told them she was nearly five not that long ago. And just as he had wondered about her last name five days ago, he sat here now wondering when her birthday was. It was stupid, but these were things you really should know about someone you were becoming fast friends with. When you were watching each others' backs, you should know the little things like last names, birthdays, ages. He didn't know any of those things, except her last name.

Then it hit him. He knew how she'd _'almost_' been five back in January. January of '75 and she was almost five. That meant in 2004, or had it been 2005 when they started time-traveling? He rolled his eyes, realizing he had no idea. Either way, she had been 34, 35? 34, he decided after a moment, almost 35. He hated math. So she'd been born in 1970? He frowned, trying to figure when her birthday could possibly be. She said almost. So, it had to be coming up, didn't it?

She studied him as she was leaning over a crate behind him. For the past ten minutes he'd been concentrating, crinkling his brows and clearly trying to figure something out. It was amusing to see him doing so, and she felt bad to break his spell, but she decided to do so anyways. So she stood up straight, going around to where he sat and taking a seat beside him, watching as the sun went down. It was wonderfully beautiful, looking at the sky as it changed colors to an orange and pinkish-purplish color. She'd never really taken the time to look at things like this on the island after she'd realized she was more a prisoner then a willing inhabitant.

A few minutes went passed in silence before she saw his eyes drift over towards her. She gave him a small smile in response. "This used to be my favorite place to come think for a while when I first came to the island," she admitted. "Well, until people kept finding me that is," she joked, watching as he smiled a little in response. "Are you okay?"

"Sure," he answered with a shrug. '_Other then the fact you know all the details about my life, whereas I know minimal amounts limited to how Ben affected your life,_' he thought to himself.

She tilted her head to the side slightly, but she didn't press the matter. Instead she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small, neatly-wrapped present, and noticed how he eyed it with curiosity. She held it out to him with a small smile, "For you."

He arched an eyebrow up at that, but he took it nonetheless.

"And please, for all our sakes, don't shake it, it was hard to get," she pointed out to him, just as he was about to. She chuckled when he stopped himself from doing it immediately at her words.

He eyed her momentarily, thought about questioning her, but he didn't. Instead he unwrapped it, and he stared momentarily at the case that looked back at him.

"You've been squinting a lot when you read," she pointed out with a shrug. "And you're going to get bad migraines soon, so.. I thought those might help."

He glanced down and opened the case up and chuckled down at the glasses. He had to admit it was sweet that she had noticed.

"Well, I also knew you had a rigged pair on the beach, obviously you lost them though," she stated, glancing out at the water as the sun was nearly completely gone under the horizon.

The way the shadowed light hit her face made her seem softer. And he realized that she really was only in her mid-thirties. Which was strange. He supposed coming to this island really matured people, because before she'd had the hardened look of somebody who'd been through at least 40 years or more. There was something a little more care-free, something a little softer in her since they'd come back from the temple.

"I'll leave you alone now," she told him, tossing him a smile and standing up. She placed her hand on his shoulder and leaned back down for a moment though, her mouth near his ear. "Happy birthday.."

He blinked, felt a little bit of warmth cloud through him, and he grabbed her hand before she could walk away. "You could stay.." he told her, shrugging as though it didn't really matter if she did or not. He found it did matter though, that he really did want her to sit with him a little longer. Why? He wasn't entirely sure. Maybe because she was the first person in a long ass time to give him a birthday present, or to even _know_ his birthday.

Her eyes wandered down and met his momentarily. She hadn't really expected to be asked to stay. Honestly, she didn't know what she'd expected. But she was still touched every time she looked at that dream catcher he'd gotten her for Christmas, she wished she could have thought of something more thoughtful for him for his birthday, but the glasses were the best she could come up with. "I could do that.." she agreed, taking up residence beside him again.

Obviously she knew because of their _files_. He knew that, but the fact she'd remembered was enough to tear down a few walls and let her in a little further.

"They probably aren't really perfect for your eyes," she muttered sheepishly, shrugging her shoulders. "But, it's a temporary fix, you could go get your eyes checked and get a real pair that work better," she babbled on. "Not that your eyesight sucks or anything, I mean.. your eyes are great," she blurted out. Her eyebrows furrowed. "Not great.. I mean.. not that they aren't, really, you have nice eyes--"

He laughed. He just couldn't help it. Her babbling was absolutely hilarious, mostly because he'd _never _heard her like that before. "Have you been drinkin' again?" he dared to ask, eying her up suspiciously.

"What? No!" she groaned out, shaking her head. "I just-- I don't know," she admitted, a bit exasperated by her own incoherent rambling. "I haven't given anyone a gift in years," she muttered, glancing away. "And really, it was a stupid gift--"

"It ain't stupid," he assured her. He watched as she dared to look back at him and he gave her a smile. "Really, I promise, it's actually kinda' sweet."

She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed, leaning back against the crate. Closing her eyes, she let the silence overtake her and allowed herself to calm down slightly, listening only to the flow of the ocean beneath them. She knew his eyes were on her, and after a moment she opened just one eye and looked at him from the corner of it. "What?"

Smirking, he looked away for a moment and then looked back at her. "So, when's your birthday?"

"Huh?" she questioned, looking at him with confusion.

He stared at her. She'd nearly replicated the response she'd given him when he'd asked about her last name. Why was she so surprised by his questions? "Your birthday," he stated again. "At our little new years party, you said you were almost five," he reminded her. "Almost means your birthday is soon."

She glanced away from him and shrugged.

He arched an eyebrow up. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she assured him, shaking her head. "It's just, no one's ever really asked since I came here," she admitted. "I just didn't expect it."

That was hard to believe. Why would nobody have asked about her birthday? She spent over three years with those people and yet, no one-- hell. That meant she hadn't celebrated a birthday since she'd come to the island. Not that he was any better. He hadn't since.. well, he was a teenager. "So.. when is it?"

She locked eyes with him and frowned. "Oh.. it was last month."

He blinked. That was all he could really manage.

"On the tenth."

It hit him like a ton of bricks. February 10th. The day she ran off into the jungle and had disappeared for three days. Hell if he knew what really happened to her out there. She'd-- "Shit.." he muttered out loud. She'd gotten shot on her birthday. He ran his hands across his face and felt absolutely horrible now. So, for her birthday, she'd been shot, taken by the Others'/Hostiles, whoever they were, had-- well, only Jacob knew what _really_ happened to her. If she knew yet, she wasn't telling. She'd lost part of her life and it had all begun on her birthday.

That knowledge crept through him and made him feel absolutely horrible. She'd spent the entire month of February either shit-faced to forget things, injured, missing, scared shitless and during that time, her birthday had come and gone with nobody's knowledge but her own. "That's the worst fucking birthday anyone could have had," he stated. He would've felt like an asshole for saying it if she hadn't immediately burst out laughing.

"Believe it or not, I think I've had worse," she admitted.

"Yer' freakin' kidding me.." he mumbled, staring at her as though she'd really lost it. There wasn't a snowball's chance in _hell_ that she could have had a worse birthday.

She shrugged. "The day I turned 22, I went to go get the mail, my ex swung out of our drive-way too fast and clipped me," she admitted. "Dislocated my shoulder, fractured some ribs, the works," she told him. "It was an accident," she assured him immediately afterward.

He stared at her openly. "Tell me that's when you divorced his ass," he suggested.

"On the contrary, I agreed to marry him later on that night," she admitted with a shrug. "Seriously, worst day of my life, along with the worst decision," she told him with a smile. "I'd get shot three or four more times if I could go and take _that_ back."

Stunned silence. It was the only thing he could manage. Her, at the time, boyfriend had _run her over_, and then she'd agreed to marry him? There was no chance in hell she could have been so dimwitted. He stared at her, not sure how to respond to what she'd just told him. "You're kidding, ain't ya?"

"Hardly," she replied, biting her lower lip. "I was book-smart sure," she explained to him. "When it came down to intuition, street-smarts.. men, I'm a text-book blonde."

He let out a laugh almost immediately. There was no way to stop himself from laughing because those words from her lips were just.. wrong. "Were you ever happy?" he finally dared to ask. He'd spent his life in and out of meaningless relationships. The closest things to real ones had been Cassidy and Kate, where Cassidy had been a con and Kate had.. well, he wasn't sure what Kate had been. She'd definitely been _something_ though. He'd swear it was love but, what did he really know about that subject?

"You mean in my marriage?" she questioned, studying him. At his nod she thought about the questioned, stared out at the darkness. She blamed the fact she would answer his questions on the fact it was his birthday, and not because she wanted to finally talk about it with somebody. And definitely not because she _wanted_ to tell _him_. Those definitely weren't the reasons, it obviously had to be because it was his birthday. And if she could force herself to think that way, maybe he'd believe it too.

"For a little while.. yes," she admitted. "But I only knew him for a short while when I moved in, about four months," she told him with a sigh. "Three months later came the proposal," he stated. "And six months later came marriage."

He stared at her. "What next, baby in the baby carriage?"

"Hardly.." she scoffed. "Clearly we'd never really discussed having children," she admitted, closing her eyes. "He was working in a lab doing infertility research, I was working my way through college to do so as well--" she sighed. "You'd figure, a man like that, he probably wants kids, right?"

"Sure," he agreed, nodding his head. It sounded like a plausible thought.

She laughed, cynically. "Shows how much you and I know then," she told him. "Three years after we married, I asked him about having a baby, starting a family.."

Sawyer narrowed his eyes, trying to read the far-off, slightly dazed and bitter expression crossing her face. "What'd he say?" he finally dared to ask.

"He uh.. he said he already had two boys," she stated, trying to sound casual. She was sure she failed. The resentment in her voice was blatantly obvious. "One was two, one was almost a year old.. he said he was paying enough for the two of them. He also said, he didn't need to pay for any more.. and since they were both carrying on his name, why did he need one with me too?"

He was shocked into silence. What the hell had been wrong with that husband of hers? "What did you do?" he asked, after they spent several minutes in the most uncomfortable silence.

"Nothing.." she admitted. "I did nothing.. I didn't leave, I didn't bring it up again, and for another.. two and a half years or so, I just sort of-- I don't know.. like I said once before.. I.. existed, without really existing."

He nodded a little. "Yea'.. I remember you sayin' so.." he muttered.

"In that two and a half years, he told me I was stupid a million times, to the point where I believed it, told me I was useless, which I also began to believe," she sighed. "And each woman I caught him in his office with was in their _very _early twenties.." she shrugged.

Sawyer's jaw dropped. "And you let him do this?" he questioned, in shock. "Why the hell didn't you divorce him after he admitted he had two freakin' kids from cheatin' on you?" he asked as well. She had been mid-to-late twenties, it wasn't as though she'd gotten _old_, yet that's how she seemed to perceive him taking interest in women in their _early_-twenties.

She hesitated, not daring to look him in the eye. "I loved him.." she said softly. "I thought, naively, that maybe if I could make him see that, by staying anyways-- I mean.." she sighed, shaking her head. "It doesn't matter what I thought.. obviously I was wrong."

"So.. why'd you finally divorce him?" he suddenly had that fear that she was going to tell him the man had beat the crap out of her and that had been the final straw.

"He told me if I was more attractive and more uh.. adventurous, he wouldn't need other women," she stated. "Which.. he'd said a million times, but.. that day, my sister overheard him.." she muttered. "She waltzed into my office, slapped him, and shit.. that was the meanest slap I'd ever heard in my life, by the next day she'd convinced me to draw up the divorce papers."

He was shocked by all of this. Sure, she'd told him her ex had been a skirt-chaser, but this was downright ridiculous. It was _another_ man in the blonde's life that had emotionally tormented her. Made her feel worthless and unattractive. And damn, she was anything _but_ unattractive. Actually-- he froze. Those were _not_ thoughts he should have been having about her. He realized it was a good thing she was refusing to look at him, because he was currently thinking back on the two times he'd seen her half-naked.

"Wow.." she muttered, rolling her eyes at herself. "It's your birthday and somehow you just managed to get me to tell you all about my life," she stated, half-laughing. "I really should have just gone back to the house.." she told him, slightly embarrassed. She looked over at him, and frowned slightly trying to decipher the look on his face. "What? What is it?"

"You don't still believe all that bullshit he fed you, do ya'?" he questioned immediately. The look that crossed her face: the surprise, the uncertainty, it was all the proof he required to know that she did.

"Of course not.." she lied, shrugging a little.

He narrowed his eyes at her. There was just no way, no chance. "Yea' you do.." he pointed out with disbelief. "_How_ could you possibly believe that?" he asked her, and the anger in his voice wasn't meant for her, but he noticed it almost seemed that way as she shrunk away from him slightly. "You looked at yer'self?" he questioned. "Cause' I have, and lemme' tell ya', I think your--"

"Don't," she stated, putting her hand up and silencing him. "I don't need to hear this from you too," she told him.

"But that's not--"

"Stop," she stated again, cutting him off a second time.

"Juliet--"

"James.." she growled, the warning obvious in her voice.

"You're--"

"Knock it off."

"Beautiful."

She froze. She dropped her hand, stunned momentarily as she just sat there and stared at him. "What?" she questioned. She definitely hadn't heard him right. There was just-- it wasn't even possible. She shook her head, not waiting for him to repeat it. "Look," she mumbled, standing up. "I uh-- I-- Happy Birthday.. really, I'm sorry for rambling, it's supposed to be your day."

Sawyer stared at her, not too sure what to do. "But--" and once again, she cut him off.

"There uh-- there's cake, back at the house, I mean.. if you want some," she mumbled. "Miles uh.. he knew it was your birthday too, freighter files on people or something.. – by the way.. just so you know, he sort of.. told everybody, so.. expect mayhem when you get back.."

He didn't know how he was supposed to respond. He'd never seen her so.. out of sorts, out of control. She was mumbling, backing away, babbling incoherently. He stood, intending to follow her, "Juliet.." he tried again. But _again_ she didn't let him speak.

"See you later, James.." she stated, turning tail and walking so fast she nearly felt like she was running back to the barracks.

She hadn't lied, when she told him to expect mayhem. She also hadn't told him she wouldn't join in the festivities when he got back. Clearly those insecurities she told him about unwittingly still existed. And he pretended, but found the rest of the night he just couldn't be happy.

_March 12,_

_1975._

They didn't talk about their conversation from his birthday. Actually, they didn't talk much at all since then. She was avoiding him, and he didn't have it in him to confront her. Not yet. So for the passed four days he let her avoid him, and he sat around with Jin during his time off and they talked about Sun and Kate.

He had to say, the Korean's English was getting frighteningly fluent, and he envied him for picking it up so easily. Though, obviously it was just proven that it's easier to learn by doing, because that's how Jin was learning it. By listening and by speaking it. And Juliet had taken to correcting any mistakes he made. He admitted, it worked pretty damned well. Jin didn't seem at all offended if any of them corrected what he said, he just seemed thankful.

So the fact that he could now carry on a conversation with the man without anything getting lost in translation made the talks a lot easier. But that wasn't the strangest of all. It had all seemed relatively good, talking about Kate, listening to Jin talk about Sun. At least, at seemed good until Jin mentioned he hadn't been talking about Kate at all. In fact, apparently he hadn't said Kate's name once. He'd been talking to the Korean about Juliet for four days.

How the hell had he not noticed that?

Now he sat at _their_ house, on the couch, wearing his glasses that seemed nearly perfect for his vision. And he realized that.. ever since she had freaked out about little Ben out by the docks early last month, and when she told him everything about coming to the island, about being on the island, and then with her disappearance and being shot-- he'd thought less and less about Kate.

Juliet Burke was completely taking over his mind. He'd never had a woman in his life before that he hadn't tried to sleep with. That he wanted to know more about, without expecting anything from her, or rather, without wanting to con her out of all her money. And then it _really_ hit him.

He was pretty sure he had a freakin' best friend.

_March 26,_

_1975._

He had contemplated that for the next two weeks. The whole, I have a woman for a best friend, thing. He wasn't all that sure he understood it. He'd seen her half-naked twice, and sure, she was undeniably good-looking, hell, she was stunning. Well, to everyone except for her. He wondered how to bring this whole thing up to her. Honestly, he doubted she saw him as a best friend. It had been yet another two weeks of them barely talking.

It was ridiculous really. They hadn't even gotten into a fight this time. Actually, they hadn't fought in a little over a month. Probably a record for them. And before he knew it, he was kicking the van she was working under. As soon as he heard whatever power tool she was currently using flick off, he grabbed her foot and wheeled her out, locking her onto where she lay on her little wheel-out cart. Before she could say anything, he spoke. "You ever had a best friend?" he blurted out.

She arched an eyebrow up at him. It was the strangest question anyone had ever asked her, especially considering the rather awkward position they were currently in. He had one leg on either side of her and he was hovering just barely above her to the point he was nearly straddling her. It was the strangest position they'd ever been in, but the question made it even more odd. "Uh.. well, sure," she replied. "Why?"

"How do ya' know if they're your best friend?" he asked, not answering her question of why he wanted to know. He could see the confusion plastered all over her face.

She tried not to laugh at his question, because he seemed so downright serious about it. The fact he was so serious was what made it even more hilarious though. Regardless, she managed not to laugh in his face. It was, after all, the first time either of them really spoken about anything since his birthday, and it was mostly her fault. "Well.." she muttered, trying to think about that. "I guess, you just know," she stated. "It's somebody who you can talk to about anything, and you know they aren't going to judge you for it," she explained nonchalantly. "It's somebody who's there for you, for little things, big things.."

She studied his face as she spoke, as he seemed to soak it all in. "It's all about give and take, it's never one-sided, no matter what you say, you always wind up forgiving each other," she assured him. "There's a stupid joke.. a good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting right next to you saying, '_damn we fucked up_'," she told him with a smile. "That's pretty much it, in a nutshell." And she tried really hard to decipher what he was thinking, especially when he was grinning down at her like a fool. "What?" she muttered. "Why did you even ask me about that?"

"Cause," Sawyer stated, shrugging his shoulders. "I just realized somethin'."

"Realized what?" she asked curiously.

"I gotta best friend," he stated, standing straight up and holding his hand out to help her to her feet.

She accepted his hand and let him pull her up. Then she glanced at him quizzically as she turned and put her power tool on the tool cart. "Who, Miles?" she questioned curiously. It had to be Miles. Those two were so alike at times that it was almost scary.

"Nope. You."

Her entire body froze for a moment and then she turned and looked at him. "Me?" she asked immediately, fairly certain she didn't hear him correctly.

"Yep," he stated with a grin. "C'mon, we piss each other off and get over it constantly, we tell each other stuff, watch each others' backs," he pointed out to her. "You don't judge me, I stopped judgin' you," he added in. "And we--" he glanced around and made a note that nobody was in the near vicinity. "We time-traveled to the world of hippies where we can sit here and go-- damn we're _fucked _up."

She'd tried hard to keep her face neutral. But that last statement made the smile break out into a full-on grin. And a moment later, she laughed. Not because it was stupid, but because, he was absolutely right. "Wow.." she mumbled out mid-laugh. "You're right, we are, aren't we?"

"Are what?" he questioned, smirking.

"Well.. seriously demented for starters," she stated, playfully bumping him in the side of the head with her fist. "And.. best friends."

He grinned. "I'm your best friend?"

She chuckled. "James, I've told you more in half a year then I've told anyone in the passed four years," she reminded him. "I should think that would be obvious, I also thought it was obvious I was talking about you when I explained what a best friend is."

"Oh," he grumbled. He hadn't caught that.

She smiled. "You've listened to me a helluva lot more than I've listened to you," she reminded him. "You _can_ talk to me, you know that right?"

He laughed a little. "I think that's what we just came to an agreement about, Blondie," he teased.

"Where the _HELL_ is everybody?!?!"

Both of them glanced over when they heard Radzinsky's angry howl come from the other end of the motor pool. He was staring daggers at a jeep that was coughing black smoke at an alarming rate.

"Wouldn't wanna be you right now," Sawyer whispered, watching as she tried to conceal a chuckle. "He's a real piss-ant when his hippie cars get busted on him.." he smirked. "You're on your own.." he told her, getting ready to high-tail it out of there.

She reached out and grasped his wrist. "Hey!" she hissed out under her breath. "Best friends are supposed to stick together, watch each others' backs, remember?"

Snickering, he pulled his wrist from her hand. "Sorry sweetcheeks," he stated with a shrug. "When it comes to that big ball of fluffy Radzinsky fun, it's every best friend for themselves."

"Pansy!" she growled out, unable to get him as he ran away. She turned in time to see Radzinsky heading towards her. She smiled serenely as he came up to her. "Hi there, Stu," she said sweetly. "Let me help you out, we'll get you back out-and-about in no time."

"Freakin'happy'ass'women.." came Radzinsky's muttered words as he followed the blonde to his smoking vehicle.

**()()TBC()()**

**Hah. You guys thought he was gonna realize he liked her _more_ then a friend, didn't you?! Bahah. Stop getting ahead of yourselves. We're getting there.**

**Not as much Miles and Jin in this one. Sorry about that. Expect more of them in the next chapter. Next up, April Fools! Bahah. Probably going to be Miles' favorite day of the year..**


	9. April, 1975 Part One

**To my anonymous reviewer, I can't please everybody here. Your opinion is your opinion, you're welcome to it.**

**Anywho. Tally-ho people!**

**Living the Lie**: April, 1975. Part 1.

_April 1,_

_1975._

He began his day the silliest way he could possibly think of. He went straight over to Sawyer and Juliet's place next door, taped up a piece of paper to the door, and knocked as _loudly_ as he possibly could. As soon as he heard footsteps heading towards the door, he ran. He poked his head from around the corner of the house and watched as a grumbling Sawyer took in the large note on the door.

He also heard Juliet's voice call out: "Who's at the door?"

Then he heard Sawyer curse as he headed back inside. A moment later he had to assume the Southerner had shown Juliet the note. Because her laughter sparked up and didn't stop for almost a minute. The only thing he'd written on the note was 'April Fools!'.

He waited, as quietly as he could. Until he heard Sawyer announce to the blonde he was taking a shower. That was when Miles took his cue. He waited about three minutes, then opened the door and sauntered in.

Juliet chuckled slightly as she looked at Miles. She held up his note. "Couldn't do any better then that?" she questioned, arching an eyebrow up.

"Oh just wait.." Miles told her. "The fun begins now."

She smirked, leaning back in her seat and sipping her coffee. "I'm almost afraid to know."

"If he asks, I so wasn't here, got it?" Miles questioned.

Juliet blinked, studying him carefully. "Why, what are you going to do?" she asked curiously.

"You'll see.." he told her, and went down the hall.

She was silent, listening. She heard the bathroom door creak open, then creak back closed. She watched in bewilderment as Miles ran out with Sawyer's clothes, all of the towels and even the bathmat, then he left the house.

Ten minutes later she was entering the hallway to head to her room when she saw the door open. She got a full view of his ass and she stood frozen, one eyebrow raised up in response. She had to fight to keep her composure as she went into her own room, where she smothered her face into a pillow and laughed hysterically.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the two. Miles snuck back into the house. He pulled a rubber band off of his wrist and went over to the sink quickly. He tightly coiled it around the button for the spray hose and ran back out of the house.

After breakfast, Juliet conceded to doing the dishes since Sawyer seemed so pissed about the shower incident. As soon as she turned the nozzle for the sink she found the cold water sprayed directly at her and she quickly went to shut it off, sputtering and spitting water into the sink. "Sonuvabitch.." she muttered out, directly quoting her roommate.

Sawyer arched his eyebrow immediately and looked up at her as she turned to look at him. He felt a face-splitting grin cover his face as his eyes trailed down. "So uh-- you picked a hell of a mornin' to wear a white shirt and no bra.."

Juliet froze and looked down. She had no control over the fact her face turned the most ridiculous shade of red that she could have ever imagined. Almost immediately she crossed her arms over her chest. "And you picked a hell of a morning to run bare-ass naked down the hallway," she shot back, then went down the hall.

He coughed almost immediately. She'd seen that? He quickly and quietly sipped his coffee. Obviously she'd kept quiet for the sake of his dignity. Maybe he should have done the same. He sheepishly went to the sink and removed the rubber band, then proceeded to do the dishes that she had abandoned.

~*~*~

Later on during Miles' shift at the security station, he was stuck watching the monitors with Phil. Right now the man was taking a bathroom break. So he took that as his chance. He snatched two coins, taking a pencil and tracing circle perimeter of the coin multiple times for good measure before he stuck in between his fingers of one hand.

A few minutes later, he sent Phil a challenging look. "Bet I can do something you can't do.." he stated casually, shrugging his shoulders.

"Yeah.. right," Phil stated with a roll of his eyes.

"No, really," Miles chided. "Watch this."

And he took the unmarked quarter and rolled it from the top of his forehead. It trailed down his forehead, over the tip of his nose, over his lips and off his chin. "See? Bet you can't do that," he stated, nodding his head.

"Tch, gimme the coin," Phil stated, holding his hand out.

Miles eyed him, then placed the marked coin in his hand. He watched as Phil unwittingly complete the same task he just had with minimal effort. He whistled and clapped. "Whew, man.. and here I thought I was skilled."

When they switched shifts later, he watched the looks of shock on Sawyer and Jin's faces.

"What? Something on my face?" Phil questioned.

Jin said nothing, smiling a little as he went and took a seat at the monitors.

Sawyer arched an eyebrow as Miles walked away whistling. There was a gray line proceeding straight down the center of Phil's face. He shrugged and Phil left. When he took a seat next to Jin they both looked at each other.

"His face.. look like butt.." Jin acknowledged.

Sawyer laughed. "I thought it was an improvement."

Jin had to laugh too.

~*~*~

_Earlier that day.._

Juliet found it was absolutely time to conspire against Miles. Especially when they learned that Jin had woken up to a face full of shaving cream due to an itch on his nose.

So on her lunch break she went into Jin and Miles' house and prepared everything. She took the salt shaker from the kitchen and headed into the bathroom. First she completely doused the brush from his toothbrush in salt before placing it back on the edge of the sink. Then she nonchalantly turned the shower-head and faced it outwards so that when Miles reached in to turn it on, he got sprayed.

She then took out her screw driver from the waistband of her jeans and removed the doorknob from the bathroom door. She carefully switched them around to opposite sides so that the lock was on the outside as opposed the the inside and she flicked in the button so that the door was locked. She made sure to leave the bathroom door open and finally exited that room.

She was happily humming as she entered Miles' bedroom. She glanced at the clock on his nightstand and noted she still had plenty of time. She'd been sure to tell the motor pool she was taking a long lunch break. Good thing too.

That was where Jin and Sawyer found her thirty minutes later. Sitting on Miles' bedroom floor and sewing the legs of his boxers shut. Both of them laughed immediately because _that_ had not been one of the ideas they'd come up with.

The two men took to short-sheeting the bed. Tucking in the top sheet at the top instead of the bottom and folding it down three quarters of the way down the bed. After that they untucked the top of the sheet and set the bed back up to normal. When Miles went to go to bed, he wouldn't be able to stretch his feet out.

"Think that's enough?" Sawyer questioned as Juliet meticulously placed all of Miles newly tailored boxers back where they belonged.

Juliet smiled mischievously. "Oh no.. I still have one more.." she stated. She was grabbed Miles' stick of deodorant and ran out to the kitchen. "JIN! Do you have cream cheese?"

Jin arched an eyebrow up and looked at Sawyer as he heard the refrigerator open. "Bottom drawer," he told her as they both walked into the kitchen. They watched her slice off about an inch from the deodorant. "What is she doing?" he whispered to Sawyer.

Sawyer shrugged and stared. He could only grin when she slabbed cream cheese onto into its place and meticulously began sculpting it into form before she rolled it down and put the lid back on. "That's nasty.." he told her. "Clever, but nasty."

She glanced over at Jin. "Well he already took a shower, right?"

Jin nodded.

"Hopefully this gives him a reason to take another one."

~*~*~

When Miles stepped into his house he immediately began looking around. He _knew_ they were going to get him back. They just _had_ to. Problem was, he didn't see anything out of place. He shrugged and then stretched his arms up in the air. He caught the drifting smell and crinkled his nose in response. As he went down the hall he made sure to inspect each door cracked open to make sure no cups were dangling on top of them.

Nothing. He didn't see anything strange or out of place. So freaking weird. Finally he yanked off his jumpsuit and grabbed his deodorant. He pressed it to his armpit and the squishy texture made him squirm as he immediately pulled it away and stared at it. "Oh.. gross.." he muttered, but he grinned anyways. He took a whiff and it smelled like some mixture of his deodorant and cream cheese and he chuckled.

He had to give his prankster credit. That was a crafty idea. He rolled his eyes and went to the bathroom, shutting the door. He reached in to turn the shower on and when it sprayed out and gave him a sudden shower, he really wished he'd checked the bathroom over. He turned it off and fixed the shower-head before inspecting shampoo bottles and the works. Nothing else seemed out of place. So one prank had been there to lead him to the other?

Whoever did these was crafty indeed. He'd have to give them credit. He shed his clothes and hopped into the shower, cleaned up and got out. Once he'd dried off he wrapped the towel around his waist. Might as well get his teeth brushed while he was at it. He ran the water, dabbed some toothpaste onto his toothbrush and stuck it in his mouth. Seconds later he spit it out onto the mirror. "Dammit!" he growled out in frustration. Now it was getting to be too much.

How many other things could they have possibly rigged? He washed his mouth out, thoroughly rinsed his toothbrush and then went to open the door. It jiggled a little, but refused to turn completely. "Musta' locked it," he decided. He went to unlock the door only to realize the lock was gone. "What the-- Juliet!!" he groaned out. Only _she_ was this crafty.

Then he realized something else. He was locked into the bathroom until somebody came to let him out. Jin wouldn't be back for hours. "Oh she's good.." he muttered, giving the door a swift kick.

He was pretty sure he sat there for an hour before he heard his front door open. '_Please tell me Jin came back for a dinner break.._' he thought vaguely to himself.

"You ready to come out Miles?" Juliet.

"Gotta bow down to the master," he conceded. "You are one clever little minx," he told her through the door. And he heard her laugh from the other side as the lock popped and the door opened. "Maybe next year you should conspire with me instead of against me," he told her.

She glanced down at his towel-clad lower half. "Wet clothes?" She said nothing about his notion they'd spend another April Fools together.

"Soaked," he assured her. "And a salty mouth, pucker up and I'll prove it."

Juliet laughed immediately. "Have to give credit where credit's due," she assured him. "Seeing James run stark naked down the hallway was absolutely hilarious. I had to snuff my laughter with a pillow after that."

Miles grinned.

"Too bad you didn't stick around to watch me wash the dishes," she told him, smiling innocently. "You missed a show."

"Oh?"

She nodded. "As James put it, I picked the best morning to wear a white t-shirt and no bra," she explained, and watched as Miles looked her over, turned a little red, and looked away. "And you know, I saw him naked, he saw through my shirt-- one thing led to another--"

"You guys had sex?!" Miles questioned loudly.

Juliet arched both eyebrows. "Now why would you get that idea?" she questioned. "I was simply saying, one thing led to another, I changed my shirt and _he_ wound up doing the dishes."

Miles could've fallen over. But the dreamy look that crossed her face nearly stunned him.

"But.. now that you mention it.." she muttered, placing her hand under her chin thoughtfully. "He did look like he'd be good in--"

Miles' jaw dropped.

She smirked. "Just kidding," she told him, slapping him playfully on the cheek. "Nice pranking you, Miles. April Fools."

Miles watched as she left and he shook his head. He just got owned.

When he went into his room and went to tug on a dry pair of boxers he frowned and stared down at them. He quickly dug through his drawers and realized _every_ pair had the legs sewn shut. "That crafty bitch.." he muttered, snickering.

_Later that night_..

After spending hours saving his boxers, he was wiped out. He managed to get into his favorite pair and then he threw his covers and sheets back, checking to make sure no one soaked his bed or did anything else stupid. He breathed out a sigh of relief. The pranks were over.

He slid in and frowned. His feet weren't reaching the end of the bed. "Dammit!!"

_April 9,_

_1975._

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Blue eyes opened and Juliet found herself feeling slightly disoriented. She sat up, and watched as the book toppled off her chest onto the floor. Frowning, she glanced around before the realization hit her that she had fallen asleep on the couch. She rubbed her eyes a little and got to her feet, going to the door and swinging it open. She had to blink back her surprise when she saw Jin standing there with fishing poles.

"You fish?" Jin questioned, beaming at her. "James and Miles do not want to go.."

Juliet eyed him curiously but she smiled a little and stepped aside to let him in. "Sure," she told him, closing the door behind him. "Just uh.. let me change," she stated. She didn't have the heart to tell the guy she had never fished a day in her life and didn't really find the aspect of it the least bit interesting.

A few minutes later she came out in a pair of shorts, something she hadn't worn in ages. And a pale-blue t-shirt. She chuckled at him as she pulled her hair into a sloppy bun. It wasn't as though she needed to impress anybody, and she let pieces of hair fall out around her face.

"You like to fish?" Jin questioned, studying the blonde carefully. He didn't really know much about her at all. Most of their time together was spent with him learning English, sharing dinners and she listened to _him_ talk. She said it was good practice. He'd brought up Jack once while they were eating and she hadn't made eye contact with him for the rest of the meal, nor had she discussed Jack.

She opened her mouth, fully intending to lie and tell him she loved it, but was surprised by what came out of her mouth. "I've never fished before," she admitted. She ran her fingers through her hair and smiled a little at him. "So.. you'll have to teach me."

Jin had to grin at that. Finally something _he_ could teach _her_. That was new. "I will teach," he told her, his face lighting up. He put a fishing rod in her one hand and grabbed her free hand with his own. "Come!"

Juliet was surprised by his sudden excitement as he dragged her out of the house and across the barracks.

"Man, he's pickin' up Juliet before you can, Fabio," Sawyer pointed out to Miles.

Miles narrowed his eyes and shot him a pointed look. "I'll get her yet.."

"Suuure you will," Sawyer agreed sarcastically. "Her and I would get married and make five billion kids before _you_ could even get a kiss."

"I could totally get a kiss," Miles assured him with complete confidence.

Sawyer laughed. "Yeah, right."

"Wanna bet on it?" Miles questioned, waggling his eyebrows.

Sawyer rolled his eyes almost immediately. "We don't make no damned money here, Tweedledum," he reminded the man. "What the hell would the stakes of the bet be?"

Miles thought about that. Then he grinned. "Fine.. if I can get a kiss from Juliet, then.. _you_ have to kiss Mandy."

"_Mandy?!_" came Sawyer's tone of disbelief. "You gotta be kiddin' me.. Mandy?" he questioned. "As in.. Mandy the queen of Candy? That just ain't right.. that chick has like.. A.D.D. or somethin'.."

Miles waggled his eyebrows a second time.

"Hell no, she'll be all over my ass if I even _look_ at her, ain't a snowball's chance in hell, you'll cheat and find a way and then I'll _have_ to kiss that crazy broad."

Miles burst out laughing. "Fine, fine.. then.. you gotta get a normal hair cut."

Sawyer groaned. "You got _two_ days to get a kiss, startin' now," he warned him. "You lose, yer' grownin' your damned hair to your ass."

Miles smirked.

"Fine.. fine, you lose, you grow a fro'."

Miles arched an eyebrow. "No way."

"Yep."

"That's just wrong."

"That's the deal," Sawyer told him. "You started the hair bet, you deal with it.."

Miles frowned. "Deal. Two days, I get a kiss, you get a normal hair cut."

"You don't, you grow a fro'."

They shook.

_April 11,_

_1975._

Juliet arched an eyebrow up as Miles whispered something into her ear. "Oh really?" she questioned curiously. She listened intently for a moment and then laughed.

Sawyer watched with morbid curiosity. Was the man stupid? For two days he'd just been talking to Juliet, saying random things, making the blonde laugh. Now he was whispering things. He had about ten minutes left to get the damned kiss. Miles was about to have to grow a fro'.

And that was that. Nine minutes later, Miles leaned forward and tried to get her right smack on the lips.

_WHACK!_

The palm of her hand collided with the side of his head before he could get there. "Don't even think about it Miles," she warned him. "You and James want to go making bets about kissing me?" she questioned, grabbing him by the lapels of his jumpsuit. "I better not see an afro or a crew-cut or I'll take a pair of pliers to both of your balls."

Miles stared at her in shock. He let out a little breath of relief when she gave him a kiss on the cheek, released him, and walked away. He watched as Sawyer came over to him.

"What'd she say?" Sawyer asked, curiosity getting the best of him.

"First things first, that counts, she kissed me, I won," Miles pointed out. "But uh.. she said if she sees an afro or a crew-cut.. she'll take pliers to our.. you know.. members."

Sawyer nearly crossed his legs. "Ouch.."

"Yeah.."

"Guess that bet's off.."

"Damn straight.. I still won though."

Sawyer chuckled. "Actually.. was about a minute passed.. you lost man."

"Dammit." He looked up at Sawyer. "Well.. I don't see five billion little blonde haired blue eyed bastards running around."

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "Dipshit."

_April 18,_

_1975._

He was in the middle of sipping his beer on the couch as he read his book when he paused and looked up. He glanced over at Juliet whose head rested on the arm rest on the other end of the couch, then he glanced down and realized that her feet were resting on his lap. Briefly, he wondered how long they'd been sitting in this position. He shook his head, shrugged and put his beer back down on the coffee table. He rested his arm back down on her leg and noticed she didn't even bat an eye.

Then he remembered something else. They'd done this almost a dozen times since last month. Why was he only realizing it now?

"What's wrong?" Juliet questioned, resting her book face down on her stomach and studying him carefully.

Before the conversation could go any further they both jumped as the alarms for the barracks resounded loudly. They were both on their feet in an instant when the first sounds of screams and gunshots tore through the people of Dharma.

"What the hell?" Sawyer muttered.

In the next second, Horace tore through their door, pulling Amy in with him. "Jim--"

"That the damned hostiles?" Sawyer asked him immediately.

"No," Horace told him. "We don't know who they are, I need your help," he told him, tossing a rifle to him.

Sawyer nodded. "You got it, boss.."

Juliet locked eyes with him a moment later. She reached out and gripped his forearm as he was about to leave with Horace. "James--"

"I'll be fine," he told her, giving her a reassuring smile.

Horace looked at Juliet. "Closet, top shelf," he told her. "There's a rifle, extra bullets, stay with Amy, please Juliet."

Juliet hesitated, but then nodded. "Be careful.." she told him, releasing his arm. At his nod, her and Amy watched both men run out of the house. Almost immediately she pulled open the closet and reached up, pulling the rifle off the shelf. She looked over at Amy.

"Can you fire that?" Amy questioned softly.

Juliet gave her a sad smile. "That rifle I was holding when we found you in the Hostile territory?" she reminded her. "That wasn't for show.."

Amy reached up and pulled a second rifle off the shelf. "Come on!"

She arched her eyebrow up at the brunette immediately as the other woman opened the door and ran out. Her mouthed dropped open and shock and she realized that.. she didn't have a choice except to follow Amy. She had told Horace that she would stay with Amy.

~*~*~

Sawyer wasn't sure how he was suppose to comprehend what was going on right now. Random men were shooting up the barracks, people were dead, people were running. Miles and Jin seemed to have taken up arms as well, along with most of the other men and even some women.

It was a second later that he noticed Juliet and Amy running off somewhere with guns. Were those two out of their minds? He turned and saw the man sneaking up behind Jin and Miles. In and instant he raised the rifle and shot the man in the head.

Jin and Miles turned around immediately and looked at the man on the ground behind them, then they looked over at Sawyer and nodded at him. He moved and got up near them. "You guys good?"

"So far, yeah," Miles muttered. "Who the hell are these people though?"

He shook his head. "Nobody seems to have a damned clue.. they ain't hostiles, they're somebody else." They were all currently ducking down and popping off rounds from behind a bench.

_POP! BANG!_

And he felt a searing pain go through his shoulder and through his side from behind. He dropped onto his back on the ground and watched as Miles and Jin dropped their weapons accordingly with their hands up. He looked over at the two men who had them at gun-point. '_Freakin' wonderful..._' he thought glumly. And damn.. this hurt worse then the last time he got shot. Then again.. last time he'd only been shot once. He was pretty sure he got hit twice.

A moment later two shots went off and the two men dropped to the ground. He looked to see Juliet and Amy with their guns raised in their direction and then he felt himself being dragged. He assumed it was probably Miles and Jin doing so.

~*~*~

"Amy! Amy stop, look!" Juliet muttered. She was pointing at the two kids laying in the playground. She had wanted, so badly, to go and help James. She was going to until she spotted the two kids laying on the ground with their hands over their ears.

"Oh no.." Amy whispered. Almost immediately her and Juliet were bending, keeping low as they ran to the two children.

Juliet noticed instantly that they were both fine and she felt a breath of relief go through her. "Annie, Ben.." she said softly. "C'mon you two, we need to get you out of here.."

Ben looked up at Juliet. He nodded and helped Annie up.

"Good job kids, good job keeping safe here," Amy reassured them. She gasped when a man ran out in front of her, and before he could do anything there was a gun shot, and the man dropped to the ground. She looked back at Juliet, glad the blonde hadn't been lying about her rifle wielding skills.

"We should hide in the bushes," Juliet told her, ushering the kids forward. "It's safer there then out in the open and these people are all over the barracks now.."

Amy nodded her agreement.

Juliet bent down and picked the guy clean of his handgun, tucking it into her pants. She turned and stared at two men running after them. She glanced at Amy. "Go, GO!" she said, ushering Amy and the kids on ahead. "I'll distract them, you go!"

Amy realized that because of Annie and Ben she had no choice but to listen to Juliet, so she strapped the rifle to her back and grabbed the hands of both kids, pulling them towards the bushes.

She swung the rifle onto her back and quickly pulled out the handgun, getting one shot off at one of the men and dropping him before the other man gripped her neck and practically slammed her down to the ground. She felt all the air sucked out of her and it was hard to breathe for a moment. She felt the grip on her neck tightening, the air she could suck in was getting less and less. She was seeing spots, and then nothing. She swore she heard a gunshot just as she was released.. funny, how she didn't feel any pain.

_Later on that day.._

It had taken hours before they'd actually driven those people back out. And they realized how they'd gotten in. Phil had been coming back through the fence when he'd been shot. He never got to put it back up, so when he came to, he immediately set off the alarms.

"I told her to stay in the house with you," Horace said with frustration, running his hands over his face and trying to calm down.

Amy shook her head. "I left first, Horace.." she told him. "I'm so sorry, she was only following me," she assured him, placing her hand on his cheek. "Don't be mad at her, it wasn't her fault, and thanks to her.. me, Annie and Ben are okay," she reminded him.

"According to Miles and Jin," Horace began. "Juliet _and_ you are the reasons they aren't hurt, and the reason Jim will recover."

Amy smiled.

_April 19,_

_1975._

"Juliet?"

Juliet glanced up from her book and looked at the bed to see Sawyer looking at her. "Hey there.. you're awake," she stated, getting up and taking a seat on the edge of his bed. "How do you feel?"

"Peachy," he assured her with a roll of his eyes. "You really do have my back, dontcha', G.I Jane?"

She smiled. "That's what I told you, isn't it?"

He studied her now, taking in her appearance. She seemed to have more bruises then the last time, and her breathing seemed a little unstable. The black and blue finger marks on her neck were what caught his eye the most. "Where's the guy who did that?" he asked immediately.

Juliet reached up on instinct and touched the wounds. She flinched slightly and then smiled down at him sadly. "Dead.." she admitted. "Horace shot him."

"Remind me to kiss that man.." he mumbled.

Juliet chuckled.

"Do we know who they are?" he questioned next.

She shook her head. "No.. we're trying, and they're still out there somewhere," she admitted. "A lot of people are dead, James.." she told him. "If they still have more people, if that wasn't _all_ of them.. I don't think we'll survive another attack."

Sawyer studied her.

"Horace is talking about evacuating.." she told him. "Maybe it's time I go ask Jacob what happened to me, and use that as an excuse for asking Richard for _their_ help."

"Hell no," Sawyer growled out. "You ain't goin' out there alone," he told her quickly. "Plus those crazy sons of bitches who attacked us are still out there."

Juliet sighed, taking her seat in the chair next to his bed again. She made sure her hands were below his line of vision under the bed. "You want to go home, don't you James?"

"Yea' but--"

"If we get on that sub, if we leave.." she told him. "We'll never get home," she reminded him.

Sawyer frowned. "You ain't gonna go trottin' off on a suicide mission just so that we can _maybe_ still have a chance at goin' home," he told her. "No way in hell." That was when he noticed the syringe that she'd just jammed in his arm. "What the hell?!"

"Just a sedative," she assured him. "Relax James," she said softly. "I'll be back before you know it."

And the words were mushing together, his vision was blurring. And he was back into darkness.

It was late that night when Juliet snuck away from the barracks and out the fence once again.

**()()TBC()()**

**Who else is proud that it hasn't even been a month since I started this story and.. wait.. what's that? I've posted 9 chapters? Oh yeah! Skill.**

**Yup. April will have a second half. Who could these new people possibly be, can Juliet recruit help from the Hostiles? We'll find out.**


	10. April, 1975 Last Part

**You guys are as sweet as ever. Sorry for the long time of a wait. I've got myself a new job and I had midterms to study for this week. I'll try not to let that happen again. Don't worry, I didn't quit on you guys!**

**Craig, that's perfectly alright and thank you for showing that to me! I'll try and keep myself from doing that in the future! (Or the past if you want to get technical! Hah. I made a pun..)**

**Living the Lie**: April, 1975. Part Two.

_April 20,_

_1975._

"Where's Juliet?" was the first question out of his mouth when Miles came into the infirmary.

Miles eyed him carefully and frowned. "She's at the house, why?"

"You sure?"

"Positive, man," Miles assured him. "I stayed at your place with her last night, she went to sleep, she hasn't left," he explained. "What's going on?"

Sawyer narrowed his eyes. "Did ya' check and see if she was actually in her room?"

"What?" Miles asked incredulously. "No, why would I?" he questioned him. "Jim, what's going on?" he finally dared to ask. He felt like he was playing twenty questions with the man and it was _not_ his all-time favorite game in the world.

Sawyer winced as he sat up, but he ignored the pain that burned through his shoulder and side. "She freakin' drugged me last night, Miles.." he told him. "She ain't in her damned room, she went back to see that Jacob guy."

Miles was silent for a moment and then he lifted the walkie from his waist to his mouth. "Jin.." he called over it. "See if Juliet's in her room.."

There was an eerie silence from Miles, Sawyer and even Jin over the walkie for several minutes.

"No.." came Jin's voice. "Juliet not there."

"Sonuvabitch.." Sawyer growled out.

~*~*~*~

Her first thought was that she _really_ should have thought this through better and brought a gun with her. The next thought was that it was a bad idea. But it wasn't, right? They _needed_ help if they were going to survive. She sighed, blazing a trail back in the direction of the temple. She was glad she'd remembered her way, at least that was a bonus on her part.

"I think we found Jane, maybe we should look around for Tarzan."

Juliet froze as the two men with guns stepped in front of her. These guys weren't Others, she could tell just from the way they spoke. She thought it was sad that she could tell the difference between Others and other people that didn't belong on the island. "Who _are_ you people?" she dared to ask, glancing between the two.

"We're from out of town, sweetcheeks," the man told her. "Why don't you come with us?"

"I don't think so," she stated, tilting her head to the side slightly. "You really shouldn't be out here. It's not safe," she told them casually.

The two men looked at each other, back at her and then laughed. "Not safe? From what, who, you?" the other man asked, snickering. "You don't look very uh.. scary, lady."

Juliet stood her ground, watching as the second man came up to her. She glanced down and around at her own body and patted her body accordingly. "I'd hardly say I'm _the_ threat," she answered with a shrug. "I'm not even armed," she admitted, wiggling her fingertips in front of his face.

"Oh I like her, this one's a keeper Mac," he called back to his friend with a chuckle.

Mac shrugged. "Well, she's a native, I'd say we take her to the Captain."

Juliet reached out as soon as the unnamed man turned to his friend, Mac. Her hands gripped his head and she twisted, hearing the snap. Almost immediately she grabbed the gun, pulling the trigger at Mac. She watched as he dropped too and she let out a breath she hadn't been aware she was holding. She went over to Mac who was staring up at her, blinking, trying to suck in air with a hole in his chest. "I only said I wasn't _the_ threat, I never said I wasn't _a _threat." And she reached down, plucking the rifle from his hands and swinging it over her shoulder, opting to keep the handgun out.

She felt the pang of regret as the adrenaline wore off. The distress hitting her as the life faded from his eyes and she watched it happen. She squatted down, reaching out and closing his eyes. "Sorry Mac.." she managed to whisper out. She heard footsteps and instantly raised the gun, surprised to see Richard standing a few feet away now.

"Well.. if I hadn't been sure that you were one of us before when you said so, I would have been after watching that display," he stated casually, walking over towards her. "Jacob said you might come back. Though, he thought it would take much longer.."

Juliet reached up and accepted the hand he offered to her. "I'm not proud of myself for this, Richard," she told him as she stood face to face with him. "In fact, I hate myself for it," she assured him.

He was silent at first upon hearing her words.

"I used to create life," she told him. "And since I came here, for the past four years, all I've done is take life away," she mumbled, and she dared to glance back at the two men she'd just killed. "I just watched that man die.. stared into his eyes as he drifted away, is this why you bring me here, Richard? To become a killer?"

Richard sighed. "I don't know the answer to that, Juliet," he answered with a frown. "Come.. I'll take you to Jacob."

She didn't know what she'd been hoping for when she'd blurted all of that out to him. Maybe an answer, maybe a reassurance that she killed because she had to, something. But she'd gotten nothing and now she was watching his back as he walked away. She glanced down at the gun in her hand, at Mac and the man whose name she didn't know, and then she took a deep breath, following Richard to the temple.

~*~*~

"Anything from the security videos?" he asked Miles when the man came back a little later on.

Miles frowned. "It just shows Juliet late last night or _really_ early this morning going through the fence.." he admitted.

"Horace really wants to evacuate?" he dared to ask.

Miles nodded.

"We ever wanna get home.. we better hope that whatever the hell Juliet's planning to do actually works.." he muttered out, flinching as he sat up in the bed.

"Thing is man.. the sub won't be able to get here for a few days," Miles told him. "And there's a crapload of those freaks out in the jungle and far as we can tell, they're planning on a second attack.." he explained.

Sawyer closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

_"If they still have more people, if that wasn't all of them.. I don't think we'll survive another attack."_

Juliet's words from the previous night were ringing through his head now. She was right. If they didn't get help somehow, they were all going to die before they even got the chance to evacuate. What he didn't understand last night he was definitely beginning to understand right now with Miles telling him the same thing.

"What exactly is Juliet planning?" Miles dared to ask him.

Sawyer sighed. "Visiting Jacob to find out what happened to her is the excuse she's usin' to ask them for their help with those people.." he admitted.

"Shit.." Miles muttered.

"My sentiments exactly.." Sawyer agreed. He could only hope she'd make it to Jacob to ask for help. Knowing that woman, she'd find a way.

_April 21,_

_1975._

Fortunately they hadn't run into anymore uninvited guests on their way to the temple and they managed to reach it fairly quickly. By the time she followed Richard into the pool room Jacob was standing there waiting, as though he knew she would be showing up. Then again, maybe he did know. Jacob was an enigma to her, somebody or some_thing_ that she knew absolutely nothing about. As they stepped up to him, she eyed him with uncertainty as he smiled at her.

"Hello again, Doctor Burke."

Juliet frowned slightly, nearly asking him how he would know her profession and last name. But she decided it wasn't worth it to ask, he seemed to know absolutely everything regardless of that fact that she would technically not be a doctor, nor bare the last name Burke for years to come. "Hello, Jacob.." she greeted in return. She figured he probably already knew she had ulterior motives when coming here today.

Jacob motioned for the room to be cleared. "Why don't we get started so we can get to the other problem you truly came here for," he suggested.

Richard glanced between the two in confusion.

She could only nod her head in response. He, of course, had just proved her suspicions true with that statement.

"Richard, wait," Jacob stated calmly, stopping the man from also leaving the area. "I think it would be best if you stayed, in case we need any help in here."

Richard arched an eyebrow, remained tight-lipped, and then nodded before leaning against a wall obediently.

Juliet thought about asking him what he meant, but she figured she probably didn't want to know what he meant by that. It probably meant something bad. Yes.. it was definitely better if she didn't ask. But apparently Jacob decided to explain himself regardless, apparently he couldn't read thoughts.

"This is a temperamental procedure, my dear Juliet.." Jacob informed her, studying the unsettled look on her face. He reached his hand out for hers and waited until she accepted it before he led her down the steps and into the water pool. He motioned Richard over. "You're going to want to fight it, your body will instinctively do so," he explained until they were fully emerged in the center of the pool. "Take a deep breath, keep your eyes open, it only works when you _stop_ fighting."

"What?" she questioned immediately, shocked by the last words that came from him. Before she had much more time to react, she felt a hand on her head and her face was shoved into the water. Instinctively she struggled and she felt another pair of arms holding her down.

"_Keep your eyes open, it only works when you _stop_ fighting._"

She forced her eyes open and managed to relax her body in the arms of the two men.

"She took to that faster then I thought she would," Jacob informed Richard with a chuckle.

Richard stared down at the unmoving blonde, remembering her words the day before clearly. About how she hated herself. He was going to feel bad when he brought her to this island in a few decades. He knew what she was like now, but what was she like before she came to the Island?

_She woke up, untangling herself from Sawyer on the bathroom floor in a full-blown panic and barely escaping without wanting to scream. She changed, ran, ran, ran and ran some more from the fear that last nights encounter may be seen as weakness and that somebody else would once again use those weaknesses against her. She ran.. straight into Jin where she finagled the security code from the Korean and broke freak from the constraints of the Dharma barracks. She kept running until she ran into Richard. Proceeded to shout at him, shove him around some. At least until she'd been shot._

Jacob frowned slightly. Her thoughts as she saw what she'd done going through his head. Her panicked state in the beginning showed him more about her character then he'd already known.

"We're going to drown her," Richard stated, remaining calm despite the fact he was helping hold her head under the water.

Jacob simply shook his head, keeping his eyes down at Juliet. The woman had remarkable courage to remain absolutely still considering the situation.

_Bits and pieces of conversation from Richard and Ellie came through, then she was being carried through the jungle. Why? Because she was 'one of them'. When Richard took a break was when it went to hell. Her eyes opened briefly and she squinted over at Richard through the darkness. His eyes were closed and he was resting against a tree. She never heard it. She almost always heard it before she saw it. But instead, there it was, the pillar of smoke billowing above her. She was face to smoke and fear completely ravaged her mindset, she was frozen with the fear._

Jacob kept a steady hold as the blonde began to flail in the pool of water.

Richard eyed him but he said nothing this time.

_When the smoke enveloped her, she thought of calling out for Richard, for help. She couldn't find the words to do so. Within seconds she was dragged off and Richard was completely out of sight. She only felt darkness, corruption and the feeling of being lost within herself. But she didn't feel the pain anymore, it was gone, lost in the darkness._

Jacob pulled her up, watching as she coughed, sputtered and spit water back into the pool surrounding the three. "Outstanding.." he marveled, throwing her a smile. He could see Richard eying him with curiosity. "He tried to corrupt her. He failed though, quite miserably," he explained casually.

"Corrupt me?" Juliet managed to get out as she stared between the two men. "What do you mean he tried to corrupt me?"

Richard shook his head. "You don't want to know the answer to that," he assured her. He watched, along with Juliet, as Jacob left the pool and went back to his 'chambers'. He glanced at Juliet and helped her out as well. He helped her to sit down and rest before taking a seat beside her. "So, why did you _really_ come here?"

She glanced at Richard. "I'll answer that if you explain how that _thing_ tried to corrupt me."

Richard chuckled. "Very well," he replied with a shrug. "Think of it, as a possession of sorts, he possessed you, tried to see if he could completely take over your body with his will."

"You can't be serious.." she muttered, ringing out her hair and letting the water soak to the floor.

"You were fighting for that control back," Richard stated. "Doing _that_ is no easy feat, you would have developed serious mood swings, probably said things to people you most likely didn't mean," he explained to her. "Had your friends not brought you here, you might have died fighting to control your own body, it becomes self-destructive to have two entities in one single body."

Juliet stared at him as though he'd completely lost his mind.

"Now why are you really here?"

She sighed slightly. "You've seen those people that came to the island," she pointed out. "They've wiped out nearly one fourth of the Dharma Initiative already, Richard," she explained with a frown. "Injured a lot more, I came here because we need your help."

Richard looked at her in silence for a moment as he judged that statement. "I'm going to assume they have no idea you came to ask for help."

She shook her head. "Regardless, those people--"

"They're military, soldiers," he told her, cutting her off. "They've been here before.."

Juliet narrowed her eyes.

"You were with John Locke twenty years ago," Richard stated. "You were there in 1954, did you see the bomb?"

"The hyrdogen bomb?" she questioned immediately. "You're kidding.. the military stuck that thing on the Island?"

Richard chuckled. "That's correct. And obviously they've realized twenty years later that the bomb didn't quite do its job," he replied nonchalantly. He studied her carefully, "Very well, they're a common enemy, we'll help."

Juliet was shocked that he agreed so easily. Though, considering these people had attempted to kill everyone here and blow up the island once before, obviously the Others' would want to get a little payback. She was about to reply when Jacob walked out of his chambers fully dry, and held out a long white dress and a pair of sandals for her. "You're kidding, right?" she questioned, staring at him.

He chuckled. "I'm not, no," he stated. "Go change, you can't go running through the jungle soaking wet."

Juliet frowned and took the dress with a roll of her eyes, She took the sandals into her other hand and went into his chambers. This would be the most ridiculous way to go back to the barracks, wearing a dress and carrying a rifle. She rolled her eyes at the thought of it as she slipped the dress over her head. She glanced into the mirror that took over almost the entire wall. It went to her ankles, too far down to maneuver in any way she would need to. Alterations were in order and she tore it just above her knees and tossed the bottom to the floor. She slipped on the sandals and exited the room.

Richard chuckled at what she'd done to the dress.

Jacob looked amused as he looked at the fraying edges of the dress. The bottom looked like a slightly longer version of the Wilma Flintstone dress. "We're not done, when you're _truly_ ready for the rest, you can return and I'll show you," he told her. He handed her rifle to her.

She simply nodded, though she was almost positive she wouldn't _ever_ want to know the rest.

"Come," Richard stated. "We'll go get my people and go help yours."

Juliet would have laughed at the way he worded that if it hadn't been so ironic. She didn't even know who _her_ people were anymore. She followed him regardless.

_April 22,_

_1975._

The alarms were blaring into the barracks again, the shooting was starting once more. Sawyer watched as Miles got up and got ready to run outside and he himself got out of the infirmary bed.

"What are you doing man?" Miles groaned out. "You got shot, twice," he reminded the southerner. "You can't go out there.."

"I can do whatever the hell I want," Sawyer growled out. "Gimme a damn gun or watch me go find one."

Miles rolled his eyes. He took a second rifle out and threw it to him. "You get shot again, I'll shoot you a fourth time just for good measure."

"Lookin' forward to it," Sawyer replied with a smirk as he followed Miles out of the infirmary.

They took cover on the side of a house, Miles squatting low and Sawyer standing. They were taking potshots at all the men that had intruded.

Sawyer could feel the protest in his shoulder and side as he shot the rifle. The kickback was making it agonizing. But it was better than having to sit in a bed and listen to the massive firefight going on. The sight he and Miles saw next made them both stare in shock. Shots, lots of them, were coming from behind the men attacking them. And as the group of helpers got closer they recognized them as the Hostiles, Others, whatever name they went by. And they were being led by Juliet and Richard.

He had to give the people of Dharma props for not deciding to shoot at the Hostiles too. Horace had told them to stand down and they'd listened. He couldn't believe it though, that crazy woman had managed to recruit the help from them after all.

"Holy shit.." Miles muttered. "I can't believe she did it.."

"No kiddin'.." Sawyer said in astonishment.

Miles snickered. "That bitch has balls.."

Sawyer had to roll his eyes. "Bet they're bigger then yours.."

"Probably bigger then yours, mine and Jin's combined.." Miles amended.

And Sawyer laughed, he couldn't help it. It didn't matter that guns were blaring all around, the comment was just wrong and hilarious for their situation. "Wouldn't doubt it," he agreed.

They once again joined the battle, leaving the jokes aside that had just been going on a moment ago.

Within an hour most of the intruders were dead, the rest had retreated, barking orders about getting the hell off the island before it was too late. Sawyer managed to keep himself steady as he, Horace, Miles and Jin met up with Juliet and Richard. For the first time, Sawyer noticed how the blonde was dressed.

Horace and Richard stared at each other silently for over a minute. The silences was almost deafening, nobody was making a sound.

Finally, Horace spoke up. "I can't tell you enough how much we appreciate your help," he admitted with a sigh.

"We may not like your people, Mr. Goodspeed," Richard began. "But we liked those people even less," he told him casually. "You can thank Juliet here for daring to ask me for our help. We'll take care of driving them off the island from this point on."

Horace watched as Richard collected his people and left just as suddenly as they had all come. He glanced at the blonde who looked a little afraid of her actions. "Juliet.." he stated, waiting until she met his eyes. When she did, he continued. "As reckless as your actions were.. you might have just saved everyone here."

Juliet was stunned by the words.

"Thank you," he stated, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm glad you're alright."

The four watched as Horace walked off to help with the wounded.

Sawyer glanced at Juliet now. He should have been pissed that she'd drugged him, but he couldn't find it in him to really be offended by it. She did what she thought she had to and how many times had he done the same in the past? He gave her the once over from head to toe. "Nice dress, Sheena."

The corners of her mouth curled into an instant smile.

Miles was grinning from ear to ear. "Holy gazzangas.." he stated.

Juliet, Sawyer and Jin all stared at him in confusion. They were all absolutely positive 'gazzangas' wasn't even a real word.

"You got a nice rack.." Miles stated with a nod. "Keep that dress and I'll be your Fred Flintstone."

Jin was covering his mouth to keep from laughing.

Sawyer couldn't resist but to laugh out loud in response.

Juliet was turning slightly red as she folded her arms over her chest. "I'll shove your caveman club up your ass if you talk about my '_rack'_ again," she assured him.

Sawyer laughed even harder, which made him unsteady and in even more pain now that the adrenaline was wearing off. He staggered forward slightly.

Juliet's embarrassment quickly turned to concern as she reached out and grabbed hold of him. "Are you alright?" she asked softly, lowering him and herself to the ground so he could rest. "Why are you even out of the infirmary?" she questioned, just now remembering where he should be.

"Dingbat there wouldn't listen when I told him to stay in the infirmary," Miles answered for Sawyer with a roll of his eyes.

"Shh.. be quiet.." Sawyer muttered. "I'm feelin' a little better here.."

Juliet froze. She stared down at him in shock, realizing now that he was resting his head right on her chest. "Oh my-- you're all a bunch of perverts," she groaned out, pushing him away lightly. "Jin's the only one of your gender with a sense of decency," she stated, rolling her eyes and getting back to her feet.

"Is decent rack," Jin assured her, managing not to grin from one side of his face to the other when Miles and Sawyer both laughed like hyenas.

"I take that back.." Juliet reiterated with a full-on eye-roll that would make any eye-roll master faint in envy. "You've taken Jin to the dark side," she stated, shaking her head and walking away.

Miles grinned. "The dark side has cookies!" he shouted after her.

**()()TBC()()**

**Again, I am _so_ sorry for making you guys wait so long for this chapter. I swear I'll try not to let that happen again. I still have to see the latest two episodes of Lost :( at least I thought of all of you first!**


	11. May, 1975

**Long time no see, I know. And I am so very sorry. Hopefully you guys are still out there looking for a new chapter, because I finally have it for you. And give a little hello to my little man, Caleb, who is six months old and giving me some spare time for you guys! **

**Now then, I figure a brief overview of what happened in the store is necessary. This was suggested by CarolynneRuth and I couldn't agree with her more!**

**Previously on Lost: (Haha.)**

Let's not forget, Juliet had been taken over by the smoke monster a few chapters back. After a trip to the temple, she was saved by Jacob. Sawyer acknowledged to Juliet that they were best friends, she reciprocated with the same feelings. In April, Miles pulled off all of his pranks for April Fools. Juliet pwned his ass in the end. Then the military guys showed up, Sawyer was shot(twice!) and survived. After realizing they'd be overrun by these people, Juliet made the effort to go back to the temple(under the false pretense that she was ready to know what really happened to her with the smoke monster.) She killed two men along the way and ran into Richard Alpert, whom escorted her to the temple.

After a dip into Jacob's magical pool and a few brief memories, Juliet admitted she was only there seeking help against the people attacking the Dharma Initiative. Richard agreed these people were a common enemy(since they'd been the ones to leave the nuclear warhead back in the 1950's) and he brought the Hostiles to the barracks in a joint attack against the soldiers. The allied enemy teams pwned the soldiers and the Hostiles drove them off the island. The story picks back up just a few weeks after that, in May!

**Living the Lie:**

_May 5,_

_1975._

When Juliet entered the house, she had a hard time believing that this was the same man who had been shot twice just a few weeks ago. Her eyebrows both rose up in unison as she watched Sawyer rearrange furniture in their living room. "What the hell are you doing?" she questioned him. "Did your ears clog up when the doctor told you no heavy lifting?"

"I ain't liftin' nothing," came his retort as he pushed another piece of furniture across the room.

Juliet rolled her eyes in response. "James, I swear, if you don't take your hands off of the lazy boy, I'm going to beat you over the head with it, several times."

Sawyer smirked. "Fine," he agreed. He removed his hand and started giving it a push with his feet.

"You know, I might flash you if I thought it would make you stop, but somehow I doubt it would," she stated, shaking her head and wandering down the hall.

"If ya' flashed me, I'd be in the bathroom a while," he yelled down the hall.

She chuckled slightly as she came back down the hallway. "That's disgusting."

"Just being honest," he told her. "Didn't you develop the new 'honesty policy' last week?" he asked her. "Ya' know, the one where ya' got pissed cause you said honesty and asked about your ass in that-"

Juliet sighed and held up scissors. "I promise you this, if you don't stop moving the furniture around, I'll move your balls and put them in a very unpleasant place in _your_ body."

Sawyer froze in place. He glanced between her and the scissors. "Well I just don't think you were bein' honest about liftin' your top just now."

"Oh really?" she managed to say that with little interest.

He nodded. "Nope, you wouldn't."

"How much you want to bet?" she questioned.

"I'll stay _on _the couch 'til the doc says I can lift or 'move' things again if you lift it up," he told her.

Somehow she doubted that. "And if I don't?"

"If you don't-" he stopped. He never had to say if she didn't, because in a second she lifted up her shirt. He was momentarily stunned as she dropped her shirt back down and headed down the hallway.

"Now get back on the damned couch!" came her voice from down the hall.

And he did.

_May 7,_

_1975._

"Dude, it never happened," Miles explained.

"I'm tellin' ya', she just lifted up her shirt like it was nothin'," Sawyer stated.

Miles shook his head. "Not a chance in hell," he replied. "You get such good drugs that you probably either hallucinated it, or had a really awesome dream."

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "I swear, it's the only way I'd stop moving the furniture around. I said if she flashed me, I wouldn't do it no more."

Miles was laughing. "Man, share the drugs you're on."

Juliet entered the house and headed over towards the kitchen.

"Jim here says you flashed him to get him to stay on the couch," Miles called out to her. "I think he's had too many happy pills."

"And?" came her reply from the kitchen.

Miles' sarcastic smile was slowly fading. "Wait, you mean you actually did it?"

Sawyer shot Miles a shit-eating victory grin. "Told ya'."

"He's on the couch still, isn't he?" she called back.

Miles was shell-shocked. He had no idea what he could possibly say in reply to that. He found himself staring at her as she exited the house once more with a sandwich in hand. As soon as the door was closed, he turned to Sawyer. "Holy shit, what'd they look like? How big were they?"

Sawyer shrugged. "Shoulda' believed me earlier, Enos."

He was flabbergasted. "Oh come on! Gimme something here man! C? D? Double D?"

"Double." Sawyer notified him.

Miles' mouth was open.

"One on the left, one on the right. See? Double."

Miles smacked his own forehead. "You ass."

Sawyer just smirked. He didn't find it necessary to admit, _yes_, Juliet _had_ lifted her shirt up. She had simply failed to mention she had on her old tank top from before they showed up here, underneath. He hadn't seen anything more that he already had. Just that, a deal was a deal. She had conned him well and good.

_May 11,_

_1975._

Sawyer couldn't say exactly what bothered him about the fact Juliet had a huge smile on her face. He was pretty sure it just had something to do with the fact one of the other grease monkeys had caused it. He was currently sitting on a bench next to Amy, but his eyes were stuck on the blonde in the motor pool. Currently one of the guys was telling her jokes, while having his hand on her arm. It seemed more like flirting at this point.

"Have you ever been in love?" Amy asked him.

"Nope."

Amy blinked and looked at him in confusion. "Not even thought you were?"

He shrugged. "Maybe once... or twice," he admitted. "See... here's the interesting story, Ames.."

Amy founded herself listening intently.

"Juliet told you about Jack and that... other girl, remember?" he asked her.

"Yes, I remember."

Sawyer sighed. "Well, my girl _was_ that other girl."

Amy was stunned into silence for a moment, which was abnormal for her.

"Her and Jack, they really wanted each other, they just didn't wanna admit it," he told her. "Confusin' I know, me and Juliet, we just don't talk about it though." He watched as Juliet shook her head at the guy, who seemed slightly deterred as he left her alone.

"Well, then you forget about them and move on!" Amy told him, giving the lapels of his shirt a playful tug. "Besides, hey, were going to do a barbeque and dance right outside tomorrow night! Come on," she said, standing up and tugging his hands to pull him off the bench. "You could bring Juliet!"

Sawyer was staring at her as though she had two heads. He glanced at Juliet off at the motor pool who was staring at himself and Amy with a look of serious amusement. "We're just friends.." he reminded the brunette.

"So?" she questioned. She still doubted the truth about that one no matter how much the two denied it. "Friends can't bring friends to barbecues?" she asked playfully. "A little food, dance, drinks, karaoke, come on, Jim!"

He would have declined if the woman hadn't been so damned excited at the thought of him and Juliet going. "Alright, alright.. I'll go ask her."

Amy clapped her hands happily. "Oh good!" she gave him a light shove, avoiding his injuries. "She's right over there, so go ask!"

He rolled his eyes, shook his head, and made his way over to Juliet.

Juliet eyed him suspiciously as Sawyer made his way towards her. "What's got her so excited?" she asked curiously. "You agree to be her date to the barbeque?"

"What? No!" he defended himself immediately. "You nuts? She's excited cause I told her I'd ask you."

Juliet was taken by surprise for a moment. "What?"

"Oh c'mon.. if ya' say no, you might actually make the poor girl cry," he informed her. "It's just one night, not like we gotta do nothin' but eat food and get drunk."

"I uh.. I don't.." she frowned, running her fingers through her hair. "Well, I mean, sure.." she sighed. "Why not?"

For a second he thought she was actually going to say no. And it nearly made him feel like he'd asked her on the date with the way she had reacted. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she replied with a smile. "Gonna head back to the house though, just tired."

He watched as she walked away and he wasn't quite sure what to think about it.

"So?" Amy questioned, wandering up to him.

"Oh, uh.. yeah, we're coming," he informed her.

"Great!" Amy said with a grin and a clap before she wandered off.

"Dude, did you just tell Amy you were going to that stupid barbecue?" Miles questioned him curiously.

Sawyer arched an eyebrow up. "Yeah, why?"

Miles blinked a few times. "Uh.. well, whose your date?"

"You tryin' to ask me somethin', dumbass?" Sawyer asked sarcastically.

Miles rolled his eyes. "Ew, dude.. no. Just that it's a couples barbeque, you know, for you and your date? Me and Jin are staying home and playing poker."

Sawyer just covered his face with his hands. "Shit.." he muttered.

"What?"

"Amy just conned me into asking Juliet on a date.." he admitted.

Miles was walking away laughing.

Sawyer was after him as quickly as wounds would allow. "Man, wait up, what the hell do I do?"

Miles stared at him. "You're kidding, right?"

"No! I mean, she said yes, so what the hell do I do now?"

Miles was chuckling. "Wait, Juliet said yes?" he asked. "I figured you had that look on your face cause she said no."

Sawyer just looked horrified. "I can't believe I just.. aww crap.. do I cancel, I mean, tell her nevermind?"

"Are you completely batshit?" Miles asked him. "You unwittingly asked Juliet out, and she said _yes._ You should send your freakin' prayers up to the island gods or something."

"Ha-ha-ha."

Miles shrugged. "I'm serious, half the guys here asked her to go."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Shit."

Miles stared at him.

"What do I wear?"

Miles laughed.

_May 12,_

_1975_

_12:00 pm_

"What do I wear?" was the first question Juliet asked Amy as they searched through Amy's closet. She watched with interest as Amy handed her a sundress.

"It's casual," Amy told her. "Try this on," she ordered, handing the dress to the blonde. She was bemused when the blonde changed right there in front of her with little-or-no hesitation.

Juliet sighed as she pulled the dress on over her head. "Clearly you gave James no indication this was a 'couples' thing," she pointed out as she changed. "I was so baffled when he asked me to go that the thought hadn't crossed my mind until I was back in the house."

Amy was grinning. "And yet, you still said yes!" she happily reminded her. "Besides, I'll be there with Horace and we're not a couple," she pointed out. "It's not like everyone here is dating."

Juliet shrugged then glanced down at herself in the dress. "I don't know about this..." she muttered. She couldn't remember the last time she'd worn a dress.

"About what? About going to the barbeque with James or the dress?" Amy asked curiously.

"Both, I suppose."

Amy smiled knowingly. "First of all, that dress looks great on you and second of all, you already told Jim you would go," she reminded her. "It would be rude to back out now. Nice cleavage by the way."

Juliet turned slightly red. "Very funny..." she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest.

_1:00 pm._

Sawyer groaned as he put on the khakis and one of those ridiculous looking 70's button-up shirts that made him look like a true hippie. "I'm tellin' ya.. this is a bad idea," he called out to Miles, who was waiting in the living room. "Maybe I should just play poker with you and Jin."

"Crap, man," Miles said with a laugh. "You're completely stupid, it's way too late to go canceling now," he reminded him. He watched as Sawyer came out into the living room. "The chicks are all gonna be in sundresses, c'mon, gimme a break here," he stated. "Juliet's chest is going to be like.. bow-chica-wow-wow!"

Sawyer chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Yer' seriously twisted, Miles..."

Miles shrugged. "Just saying, that's all. She's got a nice pair of-"

"Yea', yea', I get what yer' sayin'," Sawyer groaned with a laugh.

"Her eyes scare me though," Miles told him, taking a chug of his beer.

Sawyer shot his eyebrow up in response to that. "Her eyes?"

Miles nodded. "Yeah man, bluest freakin' eyes I've ever seen. And they like, stare _right_ through you when she's looking at you," he pointed out. "You can never tell what the hell she's thinking most of the time."

Sawyer shrugged that off, refusing to agree with Miles out loud even though secretly, he agreed wholeheartedly.

Miles still remembered that time he'd first met Juliet. When she and Sayid had been hiding in wait for him and Daniel. He had freaked out, realizing she was a local on the island, and was looking for Ben Linus. She hadn't even batted an eye when Jack had to shove him back away from her. "You have fun getting ready, I gotta go."

Sawyer watched as Miles darted out of the house. Where the hell was that idiot going all of the sudden?

_1:20pm_

Miles found himself knocking on Amy's door now. When the brunette answered he just smiled at her. "Was hoping I could catch Juliet for a few before that barbeque started up."

Amy chuckled and let him in. "She's back in the bedroom, I actually have to run and get a few things, so you could talk here if you wanted."

Miles nodded. "Thanks."

Amy returned the nod. "I'll see you in a little while," she stated before heading out of her house.

"Juliet?" Miles called out, peeking down the hallway.

"Hm, yeah?" came her reply. She exited Amy's bedroom clad in the sundress and found Miles waiting in the living room. "What's up, Miles?"

"Yowza.." Miles gave her a wolf-whistle. "Nice."

Juliet released a laugh in response. "Cute and subtle, Miles, but thanks," she said with a smile. "What do you need?"

Miles shrugged. "I know this is a weird time to be asking, but, well," he frowned and thought about it. "I just kinda remembered when we all first realized you weren't on the plane and you were a native on the island.. just, how'd you wind up with the survivors?"

"I doubt there's enough time to explain _that_ before the barbeque," she admitted to him. "I'll tell you what, some other day, I'll tell you the whole story," she suggested. "How I came to be on the island, and how I went from being with the Others to being with James and them."

Miles nodded. "Deal."

"And you can tell me about the freighter," she suggested with a smile.

"Oh that's simple," he told her as he opened the front door. "Money."

Juliet blinked a few times in silent confusion as he left. That was it? Money? She chuckled slightly and realized that a lot of them had changed since coming to the island. None of them were the same people that they were before and she was beginning to think that was a good thing. Before the island she'd been mousy, with the Others' she felt like she'd lost her humanity, but now she felt like she was gaining some of that back. She glanced down at herself in the dress. Yes, she was gaining it back, slowly but surely.

_4:00 pm_

"Aren't we late?" Juliet questioned Amy as she watched the smaller woman getting ready. She looked at her own hair and realized it had been a while since she'd seen it this wavy. At least, not since she first came to the island. Normally she woke up with slight curls and left it, or it was just straight. Amy had worked some magic to make it wave, and she admitted it look pretty good.

Amy laughed a little. "Casually so," she informed her. "Besides, we all know the guys are slowpokes, so they're probably still setting things up," she reminded her. "It's alright if we're a little late."

Juliet found herself snickering. "Amy, it started thirty minutes ago."

"Oh, is it four already?" she asked, standing up. "Guess we really should get out there. Otherwise Jim might think you're standing him up."

Juliet rolled her eyes. "It's not like we're dating, I doubt he'd be terribly upset if I never showed up. On the contrary, he'd probably be relieved. Seeing as you tricked him into asking me on this date."

Amy was smiling. "Would you get over that already?" she asked in amusement as the two of them slipped on shoes.

"I doubt he will, chances are, Miles will never let him live it down," she informed the other woman with a laugh. As they stepped out and headed towards the barbeque area, Juliet realized at least two thirds of the Initiative had paired up as a 'couple' to join in the festivities. Half of them weren't even seeing each other. She didn't feel as odd about this now as she did before.

"There, see?" Horace said, giving Sawyer a gentle slap on the back. "Told you Amy would make them show up late."

Sawyer chuckled at his boss. He grabbed two beers from the cooler as the two women approached and handed one to Juliet. "Here ya' go, sweetcheeks. Don't say I never gave ya' nothin'."

Juliet released a laugh, thankful he at least could break the ice for this not-really-a-date-date. She moved close to him and leaned her face in next to his ear. "You ever call me 'sweetcheeks' again, and I'll castrate you," she whispered in a half-hearted joke before kissing him on the cheek playfully.

He chuckled nervously. "Yes ma'am."

Horace was trying to hide his look of amusement because he had heard her statement as well. "You and Amy both look great, Juliet, I'm glad you could come."

Juliet gave him a sincere smile. "Thank you, Horace," she said gratefully.

'_Wonder if that's what I shoulda' said.._' Sawyer thought to himself curiously. Too late now, he figured. At least she had laughed. The two of them both watched as Horace and Amy wandered off to mingle. And it was most definitely an awkward silence between them both.

"I didn't-"

"I know you-"

They both chuckled and looked away, taking sips of their beers.

"You go first," he told her.

She smiled a little. "Was just going to say, I know you didn't realize this was a 'couples' thing," she told him.

He was laughing now. "Yeah, that's what I was about to tell ya'," he stated with a shrug. "I had no idea what to do when Miles told me that I'd asked you on a date."

Juliet found herself grinning in response. "Have to admit, I was pretty baffled at first..."

"Thought you had a bit of a strange look goin' on there," he replied with a chuckle.

Juliet just smiled and then glanced around at everyone else. Most were making glances in their direction, clearly wondering about the two of them. "Did you notice we're the main attraction at this barbeque?"

Sawyer glanced around and had to laugh in response. "Now I did," he answered, shaking his head. "New word on the Dharma grapevine will be that we've gone steady."

Juliet, in a very unladylike manner, laughed and managed to spit some beer from her mouth, back into the can, before covering her mouth. She coughed for a second and shook her head before laughing again. "Gone steady..." she muttered in a bemusement. "Been a while since I've heard that."

Sawyer was laughing mostly from how hard she had laughed.

"Sorry about the beer spray, I didn't expect you to say that," she admitted, looking a little embarrassed.

He just waved it off. "You kiddin'? The other night while we were playin' poker, Miles said somethin' and Jin sprayed beer out his nose. He said it stung for hours," he told her with a grin.

Juliet chuckled at that one. "What'd Miles say?"

Sawyer shrugged. "Ain't got a damned clue, have to ask him that," he admitted to her. "He said he knew one word in Korean, and when he said it, Jin was hysterical."

Juliet smirked. "Probably a curse word."

"That's what I figured too."

They both looked up when the music started playing and they shook their heads. "Oh goody," Sawyer muttered. "The Eagles, can't say I've been itching to listen to some 70's music," he whispered.

She shook her head with a small smile.

Neither of them moved an inch when everyone else started dancing. They just sort of looked away from each other.

"I don't dance," Sawyer blurted out the excuse.

Juliet shrugged. "I wouldn't begin to know how," she stated.

"I vote we snatch a buncha' beers and go join Jin and Miles' poker game," he suggested. By the time he worked up the nerve to look at her, she was already holding two six-packs.

"Amen to that," she agreed.

After Sawyer grabbed two more six-packs, the two of them ran off towards the house of their time-travel buddies. Neither bothered to knock before walking in.

"Somebody order beer?" Sawyer called out.

Jin and Miles both looked up from the kitchen table.

"Damn, Juliet! Nice ta-ta's!" Miles hooted out with a grin.

Juliet rolled her eyes. "Gee, thanks."

"No barbeque?" Jin questioned curiously.

"Got bored," Sawyer stated. "Figured we'd come play poker."

"Miles, I'm gonna borrow some clothes," Juliet stated before dropping two six-packs on the counter and heading down the hall.

Miles watched her and then looked at Sawyer. "Man, she's looking that good and you're gonna come play poker with us?" he whispered. "You're nuts."

Sawyer rolled his eyes but he said nothing. They were passing the Dharma beers around when Juliet came out moments later wearing Miles boxers and t-shirt.

Miles gave a wolf-whistle. "You look even better in my clothes!"

Juliet released a laugh and shook her head. "You're an ass, Miles," she told him playfully before taking the last seat at the table. "Dresses make me uncomfortable anyways," she admitted with a shrug. "So what're we waiting for?" she questioned as she popped open her beer. "Deal us in."

The men were just grinning as the cards were dealt.

**()TBC()**

**And there we have it! Another chapter of Living the Lie finally posted! Thank you to anyone who decides to continue reading after this long-long wait! I apologize again, but life just got in the way and dealt a hand that couldn't be returned. **

**Much love for all of my readers!**

**From Sarah and Caleb!**


	12. June, 1975 Part One

**Okay, Caleb and I are back once more with a new chapter of 'Living the Lie'! We apologize for the delay but Caleb wasn't feeling very well for a week!**

**This chapter goes out to CarolynneRuth, because she oh-so-sweetly named James and Juliet's first child in her story, Caleb! I was so excited! Anyways, without further ado:**

**Living the Lie**:

June 4,

1975.

(Part 1)

Miles found himself wandering towards the little house Juliet and Sawyer were staying in. She had told him last month that she would tell him all about how she had gotten to the island and the events that came after. Yet here he was, still with no answers. He couldn't even begin to explain why he suddenly really wanted to know the answers to the questions. He supposed it was because they were all becoming friends at this point.

Whenever he occasionally saw that look cross her eyes, the look where she held everything inside, he was just reminded of the day back when they'd first met. How she had simply had no reaction to his lashing out at her about Ben. Still, it was rare for her to look like that anymore, but there were a few times recently, mostly whenever she saw little Ben Linus.

Finally he kicked on the front door with his foot.

Juliet pulled the door open and her eyebrow rose up in accordance. She glanced at Miles with slight confusion as he carried two six-packs past her and headed inside. "Is there an occasion I missed?" she asked curiously, her face a picture of blank confusion.

Miles chuckled. "Nah, just that you told me you'd explain the whole island thing, how you got here?" he reminded her as he placed the beers in the fridge and pulled one out for each of them. He tossed one to her.

"Ah, right," Juliet chuckled with the reminder. "I'd just hoped you had forgotten," she admitted with a shrug. "Alright," she decided, taking a seat at the kitchen table across from him. "I'll make you a deal."

Miles stared at her. "A deal?" he asked, unsure if he was going to like this.

"Mm…yep," she said with a grin. "You have to tell me, what the hell you said to Jin in Korean, that made him spew beer from his nose."

Miles was grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Long as you don't tell Jim. It's funnier to leave him wondering."

Juliet smirked in response. "Deal."

"I called Jim a dirt farmer."

Juliet raised both eyebrows in response.

"Okay, okay… just kidding. I actually called him an anus goblin," he admitted.

Juliet released a laugh immediately in reaction. "You're shitting me?" she said with the laughter still present.

"Cross my heart," Miles said, making the crossing gesture over his heart.

"Where did you learn to say 'anus goblin' in Korean and how the hell would you even come up with something like that?" she asked with amusement.

Miles chuckled. "I used to work with this Korean guy. He was always saying weird ass crap in Korean that nobody understood. One day I just asked what he said… turns out, he called the guy an anus goblin. Crude, but hilarious! It just stuck with me."

Juliet smiled and shook her head. "Well I give him props for creativity."

Miles laughed at that one. "So do I!" he agreed.

"Alright, my curiosity is sated, where would you like me to begin this story?" she asked him.

Miles thought about that one for a moment. "Well… how and when did you get on the island?"

Juliet was quiet for a moment as she opened her can of beer. "Richard Alpert recruited me in 2001," she told him. "I was living in Miami at the time and he came and found me. The Others needed me to help solve the problem of their pregnant women dying before childbirth."

"You just up and agreed to go to an island in no-man's land?" he asked her with disbelief.

Juliet sighed and took a swig of beer. "I didn't know about the island," she admitted. "Not originally, Richard had told me I was going to Portland. They killed my ex-husband just to get me here."

Miles was too stunned to speak.

"If I'd known what I was getting into, I never would have gone," she assured him. "I was supposed to be gone for six months only, six months…" she muttered with a laugh and a shake of her head. "You know I've been on this island for four years now?"

Miles wasn't sure what he could say about that. "You know, you don't really have to tell me," he told her with a frown. "You don't seem too comfortable talking about it."

"It's alright," she waved him off with a smile. "At least after I tell you, you'll get why I'm so screwed up," she said with a grin that didn't quite reach her eyes.

He knew better than to respond to that.

"Anyways, it's my own fault, once I'd gone to their 'airport', Richard admitted we weren't exactly going to Portland. I knowingly drank spiked orange juice, passed out, and woke up on the sub which was docked at the island," she explained to him. "When I got off the sub, that was the day I met Ben Linus," she told him. "He seemed normal, sweet even," she said with a weary laugh. "But I was just stupid and naïve at the time."

Miles found his eyebrow rising in response to that remark. "You were stupid and naïve? No offense, I just can't see that."

She gave him a sad smile. "This was long before I'd killed anybody, Miles," she reminded him. "Hell, it was back when I'd believed I would never do anything to even harm another person."

Miles found that thought saddening and he wasn't entirely sure why.

"Admittedly, I didn't change that entire six months, not until the moment I had asked to go home," she stated quietly, sipping her beer occasionally. "Ben gave me the choice to either leave or stay and save my sister's life."

Miles was stunned.

"They weren't going to kill her," she corrected herself almost immediately. "Just… if I left, they wouldn't save her life. And then what was I even going back to if Rachel wouldn't be alive anymore?"

"I'm sorry," Miles said, feeling like the words weren't even really enough. It wasn't any better than if they had threatened to flat-out kill her sister. They were still holding the proverbial noose around Rachel's neck and forcing Juliet to decide her fate. How was it any better?

She said nothing to respond to his apology, just nodded and continued the story. "That's the point where everything changed for me," she told him. "I guess where I started losing my humanity and just, stopped feeling anything. At least, I thought I had… I was in a relationship, sort of, with a man named Goodwin," she explained. "Ben was jealous of it, and when the 815 crashed, Ben sent him to the tail-section where he knew Goodwin would die."

How many people had Ben been killing or threatening to kill just to have Juliet? Miles couldn't get the question out of his head but he didn't dare ask her directly. He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Ben told me that he did it because I was his," she admitted to Miles, not looking him in the eyes. "I was pretty much desperate after that," she stated. "After Ben took Kate, Jack and James," she shrugged. "I thought, hoped rather, that maybe I could appeal to Jack," she frowned. "I even asked him to kill Ben."

"I take it Jack didn't do it…" Miles muttered with a shake of his head.

Juliet nodded. "Came damned close though," she said with sad amusement. "That was the day I killed Danny…" she told him, cringing at the thought. "I still have dreams about that."

"That why Jim got that dream catcher for you for Christmas?" Miles dared to ask.

"Apparently I was yelling and screaming," she replied quietly. "I thought it was another dream when he came into my room and calmed me down." She chuckled and ran her fingers through her hair. "Realized it wasn't when he found me in the bathroom throwing up…"

Miles was frowning again. "Does he know you still have them?"

Juliet smiled sadly. "If he does, he's not saying so. Anyways," she decided to move off the topic about her nightmares. "Long story short, it wasn't long after that, I left the Others and joined Jack and the other survivors on the beach. And believe me, it wasn't exactly a warm welcome. Jack was the only one who trusted me. I guess that's when I started to feel again, and really… I wish that I never did."

"Why?" Miles asked, unsure what to think about that statement. He supposed that he understood it in a sense. For a while he was just like her, not caring what other people thought. Up until around the time they came to 1974.

"Because now he's gone," she reminded him, standing up. "And he's never coming back, Miles."

"How do you know that?" Miles said, slightly annoyed by that statement.

"Because he's already with the person he loves, and because I wouldn't…" she admitted. "Would you?"

He frowned. Not because she was wrong, but because chances were, she was probably right. There was a good chance he probably wouldn't have come back if he'd gotten home.

"We don't even know if they're alive, Miles," she told him, her eyes for once, hiding nothing. "We don't know if Locke ever made it back, in fact, we don't know anything at all." She seemed pissed now, her voice getting slightly angry. "What the hell makes them so special that they get to be home?" she asked, her eyes beginning to water. "Instead we're sitting here in 1975, living a lie."

Miles watched as she marched herself out of her own place and shut the door. He figured he should probably go get Sawyer and he immediately abandoned his beer and headed towards the security station.

**Sorry for the shortness! You'll get a second part of this month in a day or two, promise. Just didn't want to leave you hanging too much longer and I really need some sleep. Part 2 will be up on Sunday at the latest!**

**-Sarah**


	13. June, 1975 Last Part

**Again, sorry about making the previous chapter so much shorter than all the previous! I figured something was better then waiting a few more days though, right? At least that means you'll still get the other half shortly!**

**Anyways! Here we go. For eyeon, who loves Miles as much as I do!**

_June 4,_

_1975_

_Part Two._

It didn't take long for Miles to get to the security room. "Gotta' problem man," he stated as soon as he was in the monitor room. He noticed that nobody else was around so he was free to say whatever he needed. "Juliet was telling me about things before we wound up here, she freaked out."

Sawyer stared at him momentarily. He was getting a brief sense of deja-vu. Last time that he and Juliet talked about the past was back in February, that was when she had run off, gotten shot and simultaneously got taken over by smokey in the jungle. "Well did ya' see where she went?" he asked quickly, getting out of his seat faster than he should have. He still wasn't fully recovered, but Juliet had been right about healing on the island. It was definitely much faster then normal.

"Towards the docks," Miles informed him.

"Stay here," Sawyer practically ordered him before wandering out of the security building. He got the feeling that he knew exactly where to find her. Turned out, he was right, the exact same place she'd been when he had asked her to stay for two weeks. He found himself leaning over the crate above her once again. "You alright?"

She was silent at first. She knew Miles would go get him but it was too late now. "I'm not really sure," she admitted. "I just..."

"Feel like yer' barely hanging on?" he asked, and watched as she looked up at him with some surprise. "I think we're all havin' that feeling."

Juliet gave him another of those smiles that didn't reach her eyes. She tilted her head slightly as he pulled something out from behind his back and held it out towards her. This time the smile did reach her eyes and she took the flower. "Whose garden did you steal this from?" she asked with a chuckle.

"Rosie's," he informed her with a grin. He was glad to at least see a real smile from her as she stared at the sunflower. "I know it feels like we can't go on like this forever, but hey... we're doing fine so far, right?" he asked, moving to sit beside her.

"Yeah... I guess we are," she admitted, leaning to the side and resting her head on his shoulder. "Sometimes I just really miss home. It's been four years... I just wonder if my sister even wonders if I'm still out here. What must she think of me for leaving her?"

Sawyer watched as she stared the the sunflower while speaking. "Best I can figure, she knows you'd come back if you could..." he stated. He only just now noticed her head on his shoulder, but he didn't say anything about it.

"In my dreams, she hates me for what I've become," she mumbled out. "I see her standing there when I shoot Danny, shaking her head, saying I'm not the sister she knew..." she admitted. "And she just, she just leaves me there, not wanting someone as screwed up as I am around her son."

He frowns, not sure how he should respond to that. It had been months since there had been any mention of dreams or nightmares. Months since he heard her wake up shrieking. He thought the dreams were over, that maybe she wasn't plagued by them any longer. He'd clearly been wrong about that. "You could have said somethin'."

She chokes back a laugh. "Like what?" she asks him. "In my dreams my sister thinks I'm a monster?"

"You ain't a monster," he assured her. "You're surviving."

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. They just sat there staring out at the ocean in a comfortable silence.

"James?"

"Hmm?" he responded, glancing down to noticed those blue eyes staring directly into his own.

At first she didn't respond as they sat there looking at one another. Not until she managed to pull her gaze away. "Do you think we'll ever go home?"

"If you asked me that a few months ago, I would've said yeah.." he admitted to her. "But now? I really don't know..."

"Me neither.." she agreed quietly.

_June 12,_

_1975._

Miles and Jin were sitting on the dock, their fishing lines bobbing in the water.

"I bet they're already sleeping together," Miles stated with a nod.

"Nuh-uh," Jin disagreed.

"Well why not? They've been in the same house for nine months, something's bound to happen," Miles stated, giving Jin an incredulous look.

"Both hard-headed," Jin explained. "Even if they did feel that way, would never admit it," she assured the other man.

"I liked it better when you didn't quite understand," Miles said with a frown. Jin hadn't just rained on his parade, he'd popped all the damn floats as well. "I have a plan!" he said suddenly, grinning.

Jin arched an eyebrow up at him. "No, no plan," Jin said, shaking his head immediately. "You make plan and always go badly."

Miles narrowed his eyes. "Oh come on," he said with a knowing smile. "We could just lock them in a room until they admit they have feelings for each other!"

Jin shook his head furiously. "They would kill each other first."

"Well..." Miles stated, deep in thought about that. "At least they wouldn't be able to kill us?"

Jin smirked. "Juliet would come back from grave, haunt you."

Miles shuttered. "Geez man, as if she wasn't scary enough already, way to make it worse."

Jin watched as something tugged on Miles line. He watched as the other man attempted to pull it in, instead, he watched Miles and the fishing pole go into the water. Immediately he was laughing.

"Not funny, Jin!" Miles sputtered out as he spat water from his mouth. He quickly grabbed Jin's line and tugged hard. Instead of getting Jin, the Korean had let go and he had a fishing pole fly into the water and hit him on the head. "Ow! Crap! What the hell?"

Jin was laughing even harder, leaning against the crate to keep himself steady.

Miles refused to admit he was amused at the other man's antics. It wasn't often Jin had fun so he couldn't be too angry with him. It didn't stop him from muttering as he got out of the water with the fishing poles in tow.

Jin glanced at him on the beach, and after looking at Miles' fishing pole, he started laughing even harder.

"Now what's so damn funny?" Miles called out. He noticed Jin pointing at his fishing pole. Attached to the hook, was a soggy boot. "Man.. it couldn't even be like.. a really large fish? At lease that would've made me look cool."

Jin was grinning as he met Miles on the beach. "We just... tell everyone was really big fish then. Not really wet boot."

Miles was smirking. "You're a good friend, Jin my man," he stated, smacking him on the back jokingly as they headed back for the barracks.

Ten minutes later they passed Sawyer and Juliet talking in the motor pool.

"Hey Enos, what happened to you?" Sawyer called out.

"Really big bootfish!" Jin called back for Miles. The two men continued laughing at the puzzled looks on their friends' faces. They had clearly assumed it was another English mistake and went back about their business.

_Later that night..._

"What card game we playin' tonight?" Sawyer questioned the other two men. Juliet had, instead, opt'd to go spend some girl time with Amy.

"Go bootfish," Jin decided with a grin.

Miles banged his head on the table.

Sawyer just looked baffled. It must be the Korean version, he thought with a shrug.

_June 18,_

_1975._

"Dude, there's just no way," Miles growled out. "She's gotta be cheating!"

Sawyer was grinning, because Juliet was a crap battleship player. But they'd come up with codes earlier and Jin was on an angle behind Miles signaling where she should go to sink his battleships.

"Man, you can't cheat at battleship," Sawyer informed him. "Besides I think ya'd notice if she were lookin' at yer' crap."

Miles heaved out a breath of frustration. "She's won six times!" he huffed. "It's just not right."

They were currently in the rec room and others were throwing glances of amusement, knowing Juliet was cheating with the help of Jin. The blonde was currently using the bathroom.

Miles was just about to peer over the top at her battleship board when the blonde's voice rang out.

"Miles you better not be trying to peek at my battleships."

He sat back in his seat and frowned. As soon as she sat down, she glanced up and said, "F5."

"Dammit!" Miles growled, banging his head on the table. When he lifted his head up he caught her looking at Jin. He glanced back to see the Korean signaling something. "Hey! Hey! You cheaters!"

Everyone in the rec room started laughing.

_June 22,_

_1975._

She woke up with a start, not entirely sure why. She didn't remember a dream last night, but it must have been a bad one. She was breathing heavy, sweating, and she wasn't entirely sure what to think. She felt scared and she couldn't even figure out why. She glanced at the clock and realized it was only three in the morning. She took a deep breath and got off the bed.

Juliet wasn't sure how to explain why she ended up at his door. She stared at it momentarily before she cracked open the door and looked in. He was fast asleep and she didn't want to wake him up but she was too freaked out to go back to sleep. "James?"

Sawyer grunted, opened one eye and glanced over at the blonde in his doorway. He opened both eyes now and sat up, noticing the look on her face as one of confusion and fear. "You alright blondie?"

"Not sure..." she admitted, not moving from the doorway. "I think it was a dream I just.. don't really remember." Smoke. Lots of smoke, all around her. Surrounding her, engulfing her. Was it a dream? Or was it a memory? She finally entered his room, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Was just a dream," he assured her. He wasn't sure what to say to her, what to do for her.

"Could I..." and she stopped herself. She nearly asked to stay in here with him and she couldn't believe she'd almost done it. "Nevermind, I mean, thank you. I think I just needed to talk."

He watched as she stood and left the room. He frowned at the thought and it left him troubled. Because she'd barely talked at all. He heard the front door open and close. He watched through the window as she hurried towards Amy's house and gave a knock. Two minutes later the tired looking brunette opened the door.

There was little conversation before Juliet followed Amy inside. He wished he'd been able to think of something, but what was he supposed to say to her? He was half asleep and not entirely even sure what had just happened.

**Hope you enjoyed the Miles and Jin fun! Told you I'd have the second half up soon! Here it is!**

**-Sarah**


	14. July, 1975

**I'm on a writing spree. Though I'm sure you guys don't mind it!**

**This one goes out to, koralina!**

**Living the Lie**:

_July 4,_

_1975._

"You know, I've done more holiday celebrations in the Dharma Initiative, I find that sad and amusing at the same time," Juliet stated as she took a seat beside Sawyer at a picnic table. They were currently having a barbeque for the fourth of July. There was even talk of fireworks in an hour or two.

He arched an eyebrow up at her. "Weren't much for the holidays?" he questioned.

"No, I was," she informed him. "My ex just thought it was amusing to have me work almost all the holidays. I can't remember the last time I've seen fireworks," she admitted. "Is it weird that I'm excited about them?"

He shrugged. "I stopped watching them when I was eight."

She arched an eyebrow up at him.

"Well it ain't like you don't know what happened when I was eight," he reminded her with a roll of the eyes.

Juliet paused at the mention of it and looked down. "Why don't we do something else?" she questioned, shifting the conversation. "We could go read? Play some really loud music?"

He tried not to laugh at how hard she tried to think of other things they could do besides watch the fireworks.

"We could get Jin drunk," she suggested next. "Teach him dirty words?"

He grinned at that one. "We can save that for another day," he said with a laugh. "Not that I'm against the suggestion," he noted. "But I'll just watch the fireworks with ya'."

She tilted her head to the side with uncertainty. "Are you sure?"

"Yep."

_Two hours later.._

After fifteen minutes, she realized he wasn't coming back from the bathroom. She wandered towards the house they shared and opened the door cautiously to find him nursing a beer on the couch. She shut the door behind her and took a seat next to him, picking up her book from the end table and opening it up.

He glanced over at her, not entirely sure what to say. Instead of saying anything, he put his beer down and picked up his own book.

"You should wear your glasses, unless you want to get a headache again," she stated, not looking up from her page.

Sawyer arched an eyebrow up and looked at her. She had the smallest of smiles lighting her face and he had to admit, he was thankful she followed him. He reached over, grabbed his glasses, and put them on as she suggested before beginning to read as well.

Thirty minutes later, when the first bangs went off in the distance, he noticed the weight on his shoulder. He wasn't really sure how long she'd been asleep, but he didn't bother to wake her as he continued reading. He was going to have to make up for making her miss the fireworks. He tried not to laugh when he realized she was snoring.

_July 7,_

_1975._

"Gotcha' something," Sawyer announced as he entered the house.

Juliet looked up from the book she was reading and stared at him in confusion. "Is there a holiday I missed today?" she questioned, knowing there wasn't.

He held it out for her to see.

Both of her eyebrows arched up immediately. "Is that supposed to be a bathing suit?" she asked him, marking her page and getting up to have a closer inspection.

"Uh... yea'," he replied, glancing back at it.

At this point she practically had her nose to it as she glanced it up and down. "It's hideous."

"It's the 70's," he reminded her.

"Right," she conceited, then looked up at him. "Why did you get me a bathing suit?" she asked him. She poked at the full bathing suit with the short-type bottoms. "It looks more like a skimpy dress..." she muttered.

He was trying really hard not to laugh right now. "Well, Miles and Jin are goin' swimming, I was gonna go too, thought maybe if you wanted to go, you'd probably need one."

She frowned slightly, taking it from his hands and holding it at a distance. "You really want me to go?" she questioned, averting her eyes from the bathing suit and looking at him.

"Thought it would be more fun if ya' did, we can make fun of Miles' bathing suit, if ya' think yours is hideous? His is downright hilarious."

"Well fuck," she muttered and went to her room to change.

Both his eyebrows rose up at her language. "That mean you're comin'?" he called out.

"Yeah, yeah!" came the muffled response from down the hall.

He grinned when she came out a few minutes later looking vaguely uncomfortable but ready, wearing a sundress over the bathing suit. "We got towels already. C'mon, ya' don't wanna miss this," he stated, grabbing her hand and pulling her with him out the door.

Juliet was chuckling at the childish enthusiasm on his face as they headed towards the docks, Sawyer pulling her along by the hand at a faster pace than necessary. "This better be as hilarious as you think it will be," she mumbled with a laugh.

"Trust me, it's better," he informed her. A few minutes later he stopped her just shy of the beach, only barely out of sight of their friends but close enough they could see them. "Look."

And she did. Almost immediately she burst out laughing, bending over and leaning on Sawyer to keep her balance. "Oh my God..." she breathed out after a minute, still chuckling. "Those are seriously short-shorts..." she muttered, laughing once again.

He was laughing mostly from how hard she was.

A moment later she glanced up at him with a playful look. "You wearing a pair of those too?" she asked, nudging him in the ribs and waggling her eyebrows at him.

He smirked. "Hell no," he stated defiantly.

She glanced down to see that he was wearing a pair of khaki's that he'd chopped into his own pair of board shorts. She wasn't entirely sure how she hadn't noticed that earlier. "That's cheating," she said with amusement. "Miles will be jealous."

"Oh he's already mad he didn't think of it," he informed her. "Because Jin did the same thing as me."

She was grinning from ear to ear.

"C'mon, blondie," he stated, heading down to the beach now.

Juliet followed after him, stopping at the line of towels they had going. "He's going to say something cheeky as soon as I'm out of this sundress," she muttered.

"Come on, ladies!" Miles called out, doing a belly flop into the water off of the dock.

Sawyer rolled his eyes and winced at the sound of the belly flop as Miles hit the water.

Juliet snickered. "Bet that hurt," she stated with a smirk. She stared at him momentarily as he pulled off his shirt before getting it together and pulling the sundress over her head. The wolf-whistle came moments later from the water.

"If I had a dollar, I'd stick it in your cleavage!" came Miles' voice.

"Told you," she said, glancing back at Sawyer. She watched him quickly avert his gaze to the water and she arched an eyebrow up.

He coughed. "Meet ya' in the water!" he commented before running down the dock and jumping in near Miles and Jin.

"Men..." she muttered with a roll of her eyes.

"C'mon Juliet!" Miles called out. "JUMP!"

She stood at the bottom of the dock, not quite on it yet with a look of uncertainty.

"Jump!" came Jin's voice as well.

"I don't think she's gonna do it," Sawyer noted, glancing at her. He was proven wrong however. They had all looked away for a moment when suddenly the blonde came down in a cannon ball right in the center of the three men. "Holy shit!" he muttered, getting water right in the face.

Miles and Jin were practically in hysterics as she surfaced.

"Nice jump," Jin stated, grinning at her.

Juliet just gave him a smile.

"You look hot," Miles stated. A moment later he was pushed under water by Sawyer. He surfaced, spitting water out and glaring daggers at the Southerner.

Sawyer just gave Juliet a wink.

She tried her best not to turn red. She was fairly certain she succeeded.

Horace was chuckling as he stopped at the docks on his patrol. He watched as Sawyer, Jin and Juliet all hit Miles with waves of splashes at the same times. They were definitely an interesting bunch.

Juliet gave Jin a devilish smile as she nodded her head at Sawyer.

Jin tried not to give anything away and neither did Miles, who also saw the look. They both knew she was about to do something to Sawyer and they were both mildly entertained at the thought.

She swam quietly up behind him, slowly raised her hands, and within moments, she had dunked him under the water. She noted that although Miles and Jin were laughing, when Sawyer resurfaced, he was giving her the same evil smile that she had given Jin. "Oh crap," she muttered, and quickly swam away.

Miles and Jin were hooting with laughter as Sawyer chased Juliet to shore. And Sawyer was catching up fast.

They were both on foot now, about thigh high, when Sawyer finally caught up to her. He had his arms around her.

"Oh shit," she said, laughing. "I didn't mean it, I swear!" she shouted with a shriek as they both toppled over and fell into the water. They both surfaced at the same time and she dared a peek over at him when she got a couple of splashes of water in her direction. "James!" she growled out mid-laugh, attempting half-ass splashes in return.

A moment later and the splashes were hitting her from three directions and all she could do was cover her face as all three of the men were splashing her.

Horace left them all to their games and headed back to the barracks, shaking his head with laughter.

After a few seconds the splashing stopped and she could remove her hands. "Jerks," she muttered with a smile.

"Play chicken?" Jin asked.

Miles was smirking.

"I bet I could whoop Miles' ass," Juliet challenged.

"Oh, you're on!" Miles stated, grinning at her. "Jin my man, you mind?"

Jin complied, going under and getting Miles up on his shoulders.

Juliet let out a shriek of laughter as she was suddenly lifted up above the water on Sawyer's shoulders. She had to lean over and wrap her arms around him just to stay up. "A little warning would have been nice," she managed to get out while chuckling.

"My bad, blondie, now stop choking me," he told her with a laugh. "Save the killer holds for Miles!"

She complied, releasing her hold around his neck and sitting up straight on his shoulders.

Sawyer and Jin both seemed to have the same idea as they glanced at each other. They grinned and gave slight nods. "3... 2... 1... GO!" both of them shouted at once.

Before Juliet and Miles could begin the game of chicken, both of them hit the water.

"Run Jin, Run!" Sawyer called out as both of the men went running up shore and back towards the barracks.

Miles and Juliet smirked at each other.

"Let's get them," Miles stated, running ahead of her.

Juliet had to stop half-way up the beach when she noticed something. She sat down in the sand, laughing, when she noticed Miles' short-shorts had ridden up and she could see his left butt-cheek.

_July 12,_

_1975._

Ever since the day they all went swimming, Sawyer noticed that Jin had been acting funny. He was quiet, distant, even Juliet wasn't able to get him to talk about whatever bothered him. So now as the two of them saw together in the security room, he decided to give it a shot and break the silence. "Wanna talk about it?" he grunted out. Not exactly how he meant to bring it up, but he supposed it was something at least.

Jin didn't say anything, nor did he look at him at first. He just thought about the offer. It wasn't often that anyone other than Juliet made attempts to talk about things, or make him feel better. He appreciated the effort.

Sawyer decided not to push it. He went back to glancing at the monitors. If the man wanted to talk, he would talk. Right?

"You know..."

Sawyer looked over at Jin.

"Before married, me and Sun, we act like you and Juliet," Jin admitted to him. "In water other day?" he reminded him, finally looking over at the other man.

"Juliet and me? We're just friends, Jin," he admitted.

"Island, it help me and Sun love again," Jin told him. "I do not regret crashing here, just that Sun and baby are gone." He leaned back in the chair and glanced up at the ceiling. "But I have faith, Sun is home and baby is alright. Ji Yeon..."

"Ji Yeon?" Sawyer questioned. "That Korean for something?"

"Flower of wisdom," Jin tells him. "Is also name I pick if baby was girl. I am sure it was girl."

Sawyer gave him a bit of a smile. "Ya' know.. I got a kid out there," he admitted wistfully.

Jin looked at him.

"Never met her," Sawyer explained. "Saw her picture once, her name is Clementine."

Jin frowned. "We alike."

Sawyer looked away. "Nah, you were taken away," he told the other man. "I just, well, it's hard to explain.

"If we go home, you go see her?" Jin asked him curiously.

He thought about that one. "When, Jin, not if," he told the man with a smile and confidence that he didn't really have anymore. He gave him a pat on the back.

Jin smiled at him and looked back at the monitors.

Sawyer was relieved he managed to avoid the question, but it did leave him wondering.

_Later that night..._

"Jin seems happier," Juliet mentioned as she handed Sawyer a beer and took a seat on the couch near him. "But now you seem a bit distracted."

"We talked," he explained with a shrug. "About Sun and the baby."

Juliet found her head tilting to the side slightly as she tried to understand. "What's got you so worried then if Jin is feeling better?" she dared to ask.

When he looked over at the blonde, he realized what Miles had said back in May was entirely too true. When she looked at you, she saw straight through you with those blue eyes. It was scary and endearing all at the same time. The confusion made him wonder though, because she was normally quick to catch on. "You've read my file, haven't you?"

She shifted awkwardly for a moment and put a little more space between them now than was entirely necessary. "Honestly... I have to admit I never read much of yours."

His eyebrow lifted in response. "Kate's?" he asked next, although saying her name still made his stomach twist a little bit.

Juliet shook her head. "I was never supposed to have anything much to do with the other survivors, just..." she stopped momentarily. "Just Jack."

"Why Jack?" he wanted to know. "What made Jack so special that they sent you specifically to get his attention." And for a moment, he was certain he saw some amount of shame.

"I swear, I didn't know until _after_ the fact," she stated quickly. "But Ben sent me in there for Jack, because I bore a remarkable resemblance to his ex-wife."

"How'd you figure that out?" he dared to ask after a moment of silence.

"I was ease-dropping on a conversation between Ben and Jack, when Ben told him," Juliet explained to him. "I'm not saying that I wouldn't have done it still, it's just that..." she paused, gave him one of those looks that could kill. "How did you turn this into talking about me?" she asked quickly.

He smirked at how easy it was, only thing that went wrong was that she actually noticed. "Does this mean you lied to me when we first got here?"

"Excuse me?" she asked him, looking slightly offended.

"The _I Never_ game, you said you knew all about me," he reminded her.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Then... I suppose I did lie," she admitted. "Look, I was drunk, and I guess I actually did want to tell somebody something for once," she stated, looking away. She huffed out a laugh as she shook her head. "I'm just that anti-social that I needed some kind of reason to justify it."

He wasn't sure if he should find it funny and be relieved, or if he should find it said that she thought it was necessary to lie to him all those months ago just so that she could talk about her past.

"I know what I've made you aware that I know about, nothing more," she told him. "And I apologize for lying, but, I really would like to know what's wrong now. I'm sure if I'd read more of your file, I would know, but I didn't."

Both of them were silent for a moment and the silence was awkward.

He noticed that she was just about to stand when he couldn't hold it in. "I have a daughter."

She immediately stopped herself from standing and looked at him, fully sitting back down.

"It's like I told Jin, her name is Clementine, I only ever seen a picture of her," he explained. "Only reason it's got me thinkin'... is cause Jin asked me that if we go back, if I was gonna go and see her."

Her first thought was the same as Jin's. Her second was the realization that herself and Sawyer weren't the only one's saying 'if' anymore. "What did you say?"

He shook his head. "I didn't answer, I just told him 'when' instead of 'if', even if I didn't believe it anymore," he told her with a shrug. He frowned and leaned back on the couch, closing his eyes and putting the still-closed beer down on the end-table next to him. He felt the heat from her leg on his and noticed that she was sitting directly beside him again, closer than she'd been originally.

"You gave him hope, James," she stated, placing her hand over his. "That's not wrong. And I have to believe that you did what was best for your daughter before you landed here, by not seeing her."

He stared at her incredulously.

She gave him a small smile. "You weren't the person that you are now, you weren't ready," she stated. "I think the reason you never tried to be there, was because you thought she deserved better."

"It ain't like I was thinkin' wrong," he reminded her.

"Maybe then," she admitted. "But not now."

That same incredulous look was crossing his face again. "How would you know?"

She stood up and she pulled him with her, opening a shade and pointing across the yards to Jin and Miles playing football. "You helped Jin, gave him hope," she explained. "You gave Miles a friend, something it didn't seem he had a whole hell of a lot of before," she added.

He glanced at her and noticed that she was simply staring out the window. "You okay?" he dared himself to ask.

"It's not just them, James," she reminded him. "You've tried to save me even when you didn't like or trust me very much," she stated, shuddering at the memory of the Others' attempting to chop off her arm. "When you noticed my nightmares, you gave me a dream catcher for Christmas, and... that was the sweetest thing that anybody's ever done for me."

He frowned slightly. Not because he had done these things, but because she'd apparently been that touched by something so small he had done, even now.

"You listen when I actually let myself talk and you came after me when I ran away," she pointed out. "You saved my life. I owe you so much," she stated, finally daring to look at him only to find he was looking right at her already. "Thank you..."

Sawyer watched as she headed down the hallway. It was a moment later and he followed her down the hall, into her room. "Juliet?"

"Hm?" she muttered, turning and glancing at him, only to realize they were almost nose to nose. She was stunned into silence.

"Thanks," he mumbled, hugging the blonde.

For a moment she stood completely still out of shock. Less then a second went by and she felt the butterflies, and after the second, she managed to return the embrace. "You're welcome..." she managed to get out.

_July 21,_

_1975_

It had been a little over a week and admittedly, they hadn't spoken very many words to each other since that night. Juliet found herself spending more and more time over at Amy's place, but even that was odd now. Amy kept swooning over Horace, and then she would prod about 'Jim'. And Juliet just couldn't handle it.

She wanted those butterflies that she had felt to just be a fluke. She didn't want to get those feelings about somebody again and she wasn't sure she could handle them. And so she took out her frustrations in the motor pool, kicking a van that she couldn't get to start, cursing slightly when she hurt her foot.

This was when she should just get on the next sub, get out while she could. She was alone, and she knew it, so she sat down and just covered her face. A moment later, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and was shocked to see Daniel taking a seat beside her. She knew the sub was coming today, she had no idea though, that Daniel was on it. "Daniel?" she choked out. "What are you-"

"I came to visit," he told her. "I'm glad I did... what's wrong?" he asked. Although people weren't his strong-suit still, he'd at least gotten better. He really wanted to help her for once.

"I hate him for making me feel like this..." she mumbled out, shaking her head. Daniel was safe to talk to. Daniel was safe, safe because he was here now, but because he'd also be gone soon.

"Jack?" Daniel asked. Because last time it had been all about Jack. She seemed just as sad now as she had been the day before he left.

"No, James," she muttered.

"What did he do?" he asked her. "Was he being his usual rude self again?"

She immediately shook her head. "I just, I don't know what to do, Daniel..." she admitted, shaking her head in defeat. "I've been avoiding him for nine days, hoping it would just go away..."

"I don't understand, hoping what would go away?" he asked her. If it wasn't that Sawyer had said something to piss her off, then what was making her act like this. And after a minute, it hit him. And he was definitely guffawed by the realization. "You like him," and although he meant it as a question, it came out more like a statement.

She was silent in response.

He took her silence as a yes. Had Sawyer really changed that much? "Tell you what, Juliet... that sub comes back in a month. Why don't I stay if Horace doesn't mind?" he suggested. "We can talk... if you want. I can get back on it in a month?" He wanted to be there for her this time, just like she'd done for him for the first two months.

"You would do that for me?" she asked him looking at him with the utmost confusion.

He gave her that awkward smile of his and nodded. "You were there for me when I needed it," he reminded her. "I'd like to return the favor, if you'll let me..."

And although it was completely abnormal for her to do so, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. Because she was feeling vulnerable and she just needed that little bit of human contact for the moment.

**Hope you guys enjoyed that! Welcome back to the story Daniel! Even if it is just for next month!**


	15. August, 1975 Part One

**So, let's everybody hope that Daniel and his awkwardness can help out Juliet here in this chapter! Just know, I've been listening to weird songs and they may influence this chapter. Such as 'Issues' by Escape the Fate. Not my usual choice in music, mind you.**

**Here's the inspiration of the day which brought you this chapter!**

_So I try to be silent, but my words, _

_They explode like hand grenades._

_I just gotta stay calm,_

_Before I let this time bomb,_

_Explode in my face._

_-**Escape the Fate(Issues)**_

_August 1,_

_1975._

Sawyer was determined not to say anything about the fact that Juliet had been spending less and less time with him. He tried his best, really, not to be deterred by the fact she was now spending more and more time with Daniel the longer that the awkward little physicist stayed. Which apparently, was going to be until the end of this month when the sub returned. He felt like, after their last real conversation last month, his best friend had pretty much disappeared.

Hell, even Miles and Jin had commented that the blonde had all but disappeared now that Daniel had returned. When those two feel the loss of her presence, he knew she'd managed to have a hell of an effect on all of them in different ways and not just himself. That made him feel a little less left out of her and Daniel's little bond than before.

But still, all he'd seen from her lately was that quiet emotionless face she'd had on all the time before they had arrived here in Dharmaville. _Except_ with Daniel. With him she was smiling, laughing and being her usual self. Or at least what had _become_ normal for her. It almost had him wanting to ask Daniel to stay, just so that she'd keep on smiling.

"Hi Jim."

He looked up, slightly startled out of his thoughts, as Amy appeared in front of him on the porch of his and Juliet's little yellow house. "Hey Ames."

She took a seat next to him. "You guys must be so glad to see Daniel again, have you been having fun?" she asked him with a pleasant smile.

If only she knew, he thought to himself. "Ain't seen much of him at all, actually," he admitted to her. Although he wasn't too sure why, he figured it was because he'd lost the only other person he really talked to. "Or Juliet, for that matter."

Amy thought about that for a moment. "They always did seem rather close when you guys arrived here," she pointed out. "You know George from the motor pool, right?" she asked him. At his nod, she continued. "Well, he said that Juliet had seemed really sad that day that Daniel came back. At least until he showed up."

"Sad?" he questioned, arching an eyebrow up in response. And it hit him, had Juliet noticed that he'd been avoiding her that week or so after their conversation? He had wanted to apologize to her but then Daniel had showed up and he'd barely seen hide nor hair of her. Maybe that's why she hasn't talked to him much. "Do you think it was my fault?" he dared to ask.

Amy looked at him with slight confusion.

He frowned. Usually Juliet shared everything with the brunette. "Just that... me and her kinda had this talk last month and I ain't used to sharing things with other people," he explained. He really couldn't believe he was talking to Amy. "I sorta avoided her right up until the day Dan showed back up..."

Amy wasn't sure how to tell him that Juliet had clearly been doing the same thing he had. "You two are both so distant," she told him. "You were both so busy avoiding contact with the other, that neither of you took the time to notice that the other was doing the same thing."

Sawyer was stunned, mostly because he hadn't realized that Juliet had been avoiding him as well. How could he not have caught that? '_Duh..._' he thought with slight annoyance. It was exactly like Amy said. He'd been too busy avoiding her to notice. He rubbed his temples with his fingers, now he was getting a headache.

"You can both sit around and try to pretend that the little spark igniting between you, isn't really there," Amy told him. "But it won't change the fact that it is indeed there. "Trying to ignore it, is only going to distance the two of you further from each other."

He stared at her. "And how would you know?" he grumbled out.

Amy just smiled at him knowingly. "Because I've been watching this little tap dance that you two do for the last eleven months. And sure, it probably meant nothing those first couple of months, but sooner or later, you're going to realize it's not going away."

Sawyer was silent in response to that one.

"The two of you are both just too stubborn because you've been burned in the past," she pointed out. "And try not to think of this as rude, Jim... because I don't mean it that way, but you two are so damned hard-headed that you make _me_ get a headache trying to figure you both out."

He chuckled, mostly because she was right. But he shook his head. "Tell me this then, Amy..." he muttered. "How would it be fair for Juliet, if it still hurts to say _her_ name."

And Amy realized after a moment that the _her_ he had emphasized, was the girl he had lost in the shipwreck, not Juliet. She gave him a sad smile and rested her hand on his shoulder. "I can assure you, it's always going to hurt," she explained. "And it may not seem fair, not to either of you, which is why you're having these problems. It doesn't mean that you're never allowed to move on."

He took a deep breath and just shook his head again. It wasn't as if he could just up and tell Amy that Kate wasn't dead, at least, he didn't think she was. The real issue for himself and probably for Juliet as well, was that Kate and Jack were off in the real world, probably together. He wasn't sure which would hurt worse.

"Maybe, Jim, just maybe... if you accepted whatever you're feeling towards Juliet," she mentioned quietly. "Then you could help each other move on. But, that's just my opinion. I'll leave you alone now."

He didn't say anything as she got up and left him alone with his thoughts. He wondered if Juliet really even thought about Jack very much anymore. He'd spent eleven freaking months, thinking about someone that he had know for only three months. He'd been obsessed with a relationship that had been dysfunctional from the very beginning, when there was a blonde bombshell that had been by his side for nearly a year, taking whatever he dished out.

He realized now, how much he'd truly put the damned woman through. Multiple instances led to her get mad and upset, wanting to leave him and the island behind. What the hell would he do if she left on the sub with Daniel at the end of the month? "Shit..." he muttered, covering his face with his hands.

_August 3,_

_1975._

In the twelve days that Daniel had been here, Juliet had told him just about everything that had gone on. From smoke monsters to Sawyer getting shot, to the conversation that led to the hug, that led to her 'issues'. She was currently sitting with him in one of the newer houses that had been built for new recruits coming in at the end of the month.

"Did you really love Jack?" Daniel finally asked her. In twelves days he hadn't been able to convince her to just talk to Sawyer and get it over with. But he kept trying anyways.

"In a way, I suppose..." she admitted. "Or maybe, maybe I just loved the idea of him," she stated with a sigh. "I just wish, you know... that nothing between him and I had ever happened."

Daniel frowned.

She leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes. "In all my years on the island, I had pretty much learned to live half-alive, Daniel. Then I met Jack... and he made all of these promises, promises that he broke." She frowned and opened her eyes to see Daniel staring at her with a look filled with worry. "He made me feel fully alive again, and I hate him for it."

"You don't want him to come back for you?" he asked her with uncertainty. To be honest, he'd never fully grasped the relationship between her and Jack, but she'd taken the time lately to explain it all to him.

"I don't want him to come back at all," she growled out in frustration. "But hell, even if he did, he wouldn't come back because of _me_. He'd just do it for himself. He'd just do it because he'd probably feel like he needs to fix some stupid mistake he's made somewhere." She still remembered his touch on the scar on her back like it was yesterday. His promise that they'd get off the island, do it together. She just wished that she'd realized then that he was using her to pretend he didn't really love Kate.

"So why not give Sawyer a shot?" he questioned her. He took her hand in his, and it felt weird to do so, but he figured that people did this when they had conversations like this, right? "It's better to love and lose it, then to never love it all. Love doesn't hurt, Juliet... it makes us stronger."

Juliet frowned in response. "Then I guess I've never loved, I guess I'm just falling to pieces... if this is giving up Daniel, than that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm giving up on love."

Daniel let out a muffled sigh as the blonde stood up and left. He really wished he could help her, but he just didn't know how.

_Ten minutes later..._

Sawyer glanced up from the book he was reading as Juliet slammed the front door closed behind her and went straight to her room. He frowned slightly and after a moment, he followed after her. He stopped in her doorway, glancing at her sitting on the bed. "Hey... you okay blondie?"

Juliet let out a strangled laugh and just shook her head, laying back on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. "Daniel says that love doesn't hurt, that it just makes us stronger," she informed him. "I call bullshit..." she muttered.

He lifted an eyebrow in response. Well, she was talking to him, that was a start he supposed. He wandered into the room and awkwardly sat on the side of the bed near her.

"I'm giving up..." she mumbled, pulling a pillow over her head and attempting to ignore how close he was to her. "I can barely even get friendship right anymore, I wouldn't freaking know what love was if it hit me smack in the face."

"Hey," he called out to her under the pillow, nudging her knee with his own. "I think you got the damn friendship thing down pretty well." He was at least making the attempt here, right?

She let out a laugh from under the pillow. "You obviously haven't been paying much attention the last three weeks or so then, because we've barely spoken two words to each other."

He frowned slightly in response to that. "What the hell have you and Mr. Wizard been talkin' about?" he growled out.

"Oh you know, smoke monsters, how I want Jack to never come back," she mentioned. "Oh, and don't forget about how much I suck at life."

It took a moment for her statement to hit him. She didn't want Jack to come back? Never? He leaned over and peeled the pillow off her face and was surprised by the tears. Was that why she put the pillow over her? To hide the tears? "Hey... what's wrong?"

"I miss my sister..." she finally admitted, covering her face with her hands this time. "Jack made me think I had a chance to get off this island, he made me think I had a chance to see her again," she muttered. "I wish he'd never done that... I wish he'd never... I just wish that none of you had ever crashed on this stupid fucking island."

He was stunned by the outburst, by her use of the 'f'-bomb for the second time in two months. He was really effecting the way she cursed. He laid back on the bed next to her and he could tell she was biting down on her lip to stop the waterworks, it actually seemed to work. "They ain't comin' back, alright?" he told her. "And I'm glad we crashed here, because your the greatest friend I ever had."

"I've been the worst friend," she muttered, shaking her head. "We haven't even spoken, James, what the hell is so great about that?"

He smirked at her. "Talkin' now, ain't we?" he asked her, lifting an eyebrow up. He stared at the strands of hair that fell in her face and he brushed them behind her ear with his hand. "Obviously we both suck at this, but I'd say we're doing pretty damn good, for a couple of screwed up people."

She chuckled half-heartedly and rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. "I think you're better at it than I am..." she admitted.

"We're both improving," he stated with a laugh.

"This is our home now... isn't it?" she finally asked him.

"I guess it is..." he agreed.

For a good ten minutes they both laid there with their eyes closed.

"James..." she mumbled.

"Hmm..?"

"Maybe I don't mind it here so much..."

He just smiled. "Me either, Juliet, me either..." And he hadn't meant to fall asleep there, not really.

_August 4,_

_1975._

When she woke up, she was tangled limb for limb with someone else. She was really confused at first, until she looked over at Sawyer. Almost immediately she turned red in the face and her first reaction was to pull away as quickly as possible. Unfortunately that woke him up too. Not only was she silent, but she was certain that her face was still as red as a tomato.

He was equally as stunned as he sat up and looked at Juliet. Neither of them spoke as they stared at each other in complete shock and they quickly inched further apart. And at the same time, she seemed to have the same idea as him, as they both checked what they were wearing. He sort of felt the need to run, but he thought it would probably be not only rude, but may just give the wrong idea.

Juliet found her eyes wandering the room for any reason they could get out of this awkward situation. When her eyes hit the clock, she knew she had the excuse. "We're late!"

He followed her eyes to the clock and as if the morning couldn't get worse in it's odd ways, apparently they had both overslept. They were both up on their feet instantly. He paused and watched as she dug through the closet, pulling out her jumpsuit. After that, he wandered out cursing to himself along the way, heading into his own room to get dressed for work.

When they met up at the front door a few minutes later, they both shifted awkwardly. Finally he relented and opened up the door, letting her out first. And fortunately, nobody seemed to be paying attention that they had _both_ showed up late for work today. Or at least if they had, they'd been decent enough not to mention a word about it.

_August 8,_

_1975._

They were doing it again. Avoiding each other.

Sawyer realized fairly quickly that her words last week had been true not only for herself, but for him as well. They were both absolutely horrifyingly horrible at this relationship stuff, even if it was just friendship. They were completely mincing the word 'friendship' here and shredding it into tiny, microscopic pieces. He wondered if even Daniel could see it under his microscope.

When they ran into each other, she'd turn redder than any shade of red he's seen before, and he just wouldn't know what to say. He was even less sure what to think of the fact that the Kate in his dreams, was slowly becoming a blonde. That her green eyes were turning a magnificent shade of blue. It scared him in some ways. How the hell had Juliet managed to dig herself this far into his thoughts, so much so, that she'd replaced Kate in the dreamworld?

And he'd be damned. He'd slept good that night in her room.

He ran into Daniel now and he couldn't help but stop the smaller man. He opened his mouth to speak but the nerdy science boy managed to speak up first.

"If you want to talk about Juliet, then we should do that at my place..." he told him, wandering towards his own house.

Sawyer followed him, albeit reluctantly. Maybe he could at least get some answers here. "Look, it's just about whatever conversation you and her had last week," he muttered as he followed Daniel inside the newer house. "I know it upset her a shitload.."

Daniel chuckled. "All she really said was that before all of you came to the island, she was living, mostly, half-alive. And that Jack made a bunch of promises, made her feel fully alive again, and that she hated him for it." He hated to break the confidence of her chat with him but if he couldn't help her, maybe Sawyer could. She clearly needed to let somebody here help her before she completely fell apart.

"What the hell does that mean?" he grumbled out in frustration.

Daniel sighed and shook his head. "Put it this way, before she had any interactions with Jack, she didn't really expect to ever go home. But he gave her hope and she hates him for that false hope," he explained. "You might think it was because she loved him, but that wasn't the case," he told him. "And she'll probably be really mad that I told you all this, but somebody needs to help her. And she likes you, trusts you. For whatever reason..."

Sawyer stared at him indifferently. "Gee Dannyboy, couldn't ya' have at least said that a little more nicely?" How the hell was he supposed to help her when they couldn't even _look_ at each other?

Daniel shrugged. He eyed him suspiciously for a moment before crossing his arms. He narrowed his eyes. "You like her... don't you?"

Sawyer waved him off.

"You do!" Daniel said with a sudden giddiness. "That's good, real good, we can work with that."

Sawyer managed not to smack whatever he was thinking right out of his head. Instead he shook his head and walked out the door.

"Hey! You didn't wait to hear-" he frowned. He shuffled from the house and headed towards Miles' and Jin's place. He gave a half-ass knock before going inside. "We need to do something," he informed them as he shut the door behind him.

Miles looked up from the card-game he and Jin were in the middle of. "Well hey to you too, Dan."

Jin threw his cards down. "Two pair."

"Shit! This is bullshit," Miles muttered.

"Hey, are you paying attention?" Daniel asked, heading towards the table.

"Yeah, yeah," Miles muttered tossing his cards into the center of the table. "What do you need us to do?"

Daniel gave him a half-assed grin. "It's about Sawyer and Juliet."

The other two men looked at him immediately.

"We're all ears," Miles informed him, the card game forgotten. "Because short of locking them in a room together, we're out of ideas."

Daniel lifted an eyebrow up. "Really? You haven't tried yet?"

Miles and Jin both looked at each other.

"Because that's exactly what we need to do."

Jin threw his hands up in surrender. "No way, I not get Juliet mad at me."

"Ditto, man," Miles stated. "She's scary."

"24 hours," Daniel stated. "It'll be like an experiment. We could use the infirmary. It locks from the outside."

Miles was stunned. "Have you become the mad scientist since you left? Do you know how pissed they'd get?"

"Less pissed if it works," Daniel stated.

"He have point," Jin said. "We get them together, less trouble for us."

Miles thought about that. "True... shit, why not? Let's do it."

"Really?" Daniel asked.

Jin was nodding. "Needs to be done."

"Definitely," Miles agreed. "Hell, this is probably the smartest idea you've ever had, Dan!" he exclaimed jokingly, patting him on the back.

Daniel rolled his eyes. "I say we plan this out for a few days. Now how do we get them both to the infirmary?"

Miles was beaming, a huge grin covering his face. "Oh leave that to me! I got this shit covered!" he wandered out the door to enlist Amy's aid.

_Like a brick or a stone slowly crushing my bones,_

_Sending me to my grave and it's just such a fake,_

_This life that I've made, I'm going insane._

**Yes, clearly there will be a part two. I have lots more planned for this month to manage to fit it all into one chapter. So! Be prepared for all out insanity in the next installment! When Daniel, Miles, Jin and Amy lock Sawyer and Juliet in a room together. Because what could possibly go wrong with that? Haha.**


	16. August, 1975 Part Two

**Mmmyep, I'm back again with the second half of August! And you really don't want to know how many times I rewrote this chapter. This chapter is inspired by the song: Coming Home **by **Ditty & Dirty Money ft. Skylar Grey**.

_Baby we've been living in sin,_

_Cause we've been really in love,_

_But we've been livin' as friends._

**This chapter's for DrivingMishCrazy, because she loves the Daniel/Miles/Jin/Amy conspiracy as much as I do!**

**Living The Lie**:

_August 10,_

_1975._

It was ten o'clock at night and the four conspirators had already managed to coerce Juliet into the rec room and lock her inside. They had opted not to use the infirmary, just for the simple fact that somebody might have an emergency and need to use it. At least the rec room was closed at night unless a party was taking place.

"That was _not_ easy," Miles muttered under his breath, rubbing his chest where Juliet had managed to elbow him.

"Well we couldn't have her banging on the doors or yelling, he'd know something was up," Daniel stated.

Jin was shaking his head. "We all are dead..."

Amy was giggling. "I can't believe you duct taped her to a chair..." she said to Miles and Jin.

Daniel smirked. "Alright, time for patient B," he stated, motioning for Amy to go.

Amy smiled and nodded, heading off towards the house. She had to compose herself outside the door before she gave a couple quick, urgent knocks. "Jim!"

Sawyer pulled the door open and stared at the worried look on Amy's face. "What's wrong, sunshine?" he questioned uncertainly.

"I'm not sure what to do, I mean... me and Juliet were in the rec room, but she fell, and it doesn't look good... and-" it all came out in a rush.

"She hurt?" he questioned quickly.

"Come on!" she stated, grabbing his hand and pulling him along. And he followed along so easily that she was proud of herself.

When she ushered him inside first, he wasn't really all that suspicious. But he was floored when he saw Juliet with duct tape around her arms and the back of the chair, and over her mouth. He saw the 'I can't believe you fell for it too' look. He turned immediately. "What the fu-" but the door was shut and the lock clicked on the other side. "ck. Son of a bitch." He kicked the door once before heading to Juliet and peeling the tape off her mouth slowly.

"I'm going to kill them," was the first words out of her mouth.

He smirked, slightly amused at her predicament. "I guess they had to get you first cause they didn't wanna try and tape me to a chair."

"Shut the hell up," she growled out.

"I could put the tape back on," he suggested.

She shot him a dirty look.

He put his hands up in mock surrender and starting pulling the tape off from around her. "What the hell is the point of this anyways?" he questioned.

"How should I know?" she retorted. "Amy just told me she needed my help to decorate the rec room, and next thing I know, Miles and Jin are duct taping me to this freaking chair and Daniel is muttering something about getting you next."

He arched an eyebrow up. "Well did you at least hit one of 'em?" he asked.

"Gave Miles a nice elbow to the chest, bet he couldn't breathe right after that," she stated with pride. "He was wheezing a bit as they left."

He let out a laugh immediately. "Served the son of a bitch right," he agreed.

"How'd they trick you?" she questioned. She tried not to get dizzy as he went round and round, undoing the duct tape.

"Amy came pounding on the door and said you got hurt."

She was momentarily stunned. "You were worried?" she asked after a minute or two of silence.

He finally managed to get the duct tape off and he helped her stand. He shrugged slightly, trying to make it seem like he wasn't all _that_ worried.

Juliet smiled slightly in response. "Well thanks for the speedy rescue," she managed out wistfully. "I was afraid I'd be taped to that stupid chair for at least an hour before they came up with a clever way to get you here."

He chuckled at that. "Blondie, we got conned, well and good."

She snickered. "How long do you think we'll be stuck here?" she dared to ask.

"Hell if I know. They may never let us out, probably 'fraid that if they do, we'll kill 'em," he admitted with a smirk. "When we get out, I'll let ya' have first licks."

She laughed and shook her head. "Deal."

Sawyer thought about something for a minute. "Shiiit," he said with a grin. "The rec room's gotta kitchen in the back, right?" he asked her.

She nodded.

"Hell, I want some damned ice cream," he told her, heading towards the kitchen area.

She arched both her eyebrows up in response and followed behind him. "Why? Are you PMSing?" she joked.

He turned to her and held his thumb and pointer finger barely an inch apart. "Little bit," he stated with a grin.

Juliet laughed. "Yeah well, you have to go through the cooler to get to the freezer. Pass me the pickles along the way." She smirked when he emerged three minutes later with the pickles and ice cream. "Scratch PMS, suddenly you look rather pregnant."

Sawyer raised his eyebrow up. "Are you callin' me fat?"

She leaned her forehead down on the counter and her shoulders moved up and down with her silent laughter.

He grinned and placed the pickles down in front of her. "You ever catch me eatin' pickles and ice cream, you can put me in a straight jacket and lock me up with Ben's numbered bunnies."

"Aye aye, Captain," she stated with a mock salute as she yanked open the pickle jar and following him to the table, taking a seat beside him.

"So really," Sawyer said with a mouthful of ice cream. "Why would they lock us in here?"

She simply shrugged, pickle in hand. "I guess we're supposed to reveal our deep dark feelings for each other and then have some really passionate sex to make up for lost time," she told him with a straight face.

He paled instantly and choked on the ice cream.

She gave him a small smile. "Kidding."

"_I think I just heard them mention sex!_" came Miles' voice from outside.

"_I didn't think it would work so fast!_" came Daniel's excited words after that.

"_YES!_" that was from an overly excited female. They assumed it was likely Amy.

"_We go now?_" came from a slightly uncomfortable Jin.

Sawyer and Juliet looked at each other, both looking somewhat disturbed.

"Or not?" Juliet offered, looking away from him quickly.

They sat in an awkward silence after the footsteps trailed away from the rec room, neither one daring to look at the other except for the occasional glance.

Juliet was the first one to break the silence. "Pickle?" she offered, holding one out to him.

Sawyer's mouth twitched into a grin almost immediately. "Nice ice breaker," he admitted, taking the pickle and shoving the ice cream aside. "Tickle my pickle?" he asked her, winking and nodding his head at the window.

Still, regardless of the fact she knew why he said it, she couldn't stop the stunned reaction from crossing her face.

"_Holy shit, I'm out of here,_" cames Miles' disturbed voice.

And two more pairs of feet ran off.

He smirked.

She still looked relatively astonished.

He put the pickle back in the jar.

"That's sanitary," she stated, putting the lid back on the jar and pushing it aside.

Sawyer shrugged and once again they went back to an awkward silence.

Finally she just laid her head down on her arms and closed her eyes. It was late, she was tired, and this was just too damned weird.

He frowned. He could just tell her, right? That maybe those 'deep dark feelings' she'd joked about weren't really a joke to him? That he felt _something_? He just couldn't blurt it out like that now. If he did, she'd likely go banging on the door and yell for help. Instead he just followed in her actions, resting his head on the table. He heard her sharp intake of breath.

"What if..." came her quiet voice. She paused momentarily.

He almost wanted to beg her to say it. He held back though. As if she would ever really have feelings for him, he thought with a roll of his eyes at himself.

"I mean... you know, metaphorically speaking, what if they were right?" came from her mouth.

He was floored. "What?"

"What?" she repeated instantly, like a parrot. "Oh... um, nothing, I mean... nevermind." And she kept her face covered with her arms, if only to hide the embarrassment. "It was just, you know... metaphorical."

"Right..." he muttered out in agreement. And for a moment they both looked at each other as they raised their heads from the table. "Cause metaphorically or whatever, if we had those 'deep dark feeling', we'd be-" he was cut off and stunned beyond belief, when her lips met his.

She was about to pull away when he suddenly reacted, his hand at the back of her head and urging her nearly on top of his lap with the other hand. Now he was seated in his chair and she was leaning over him, gripping the lapels of his shirt. She got a hold of herself a moment later and pulled back.

"Doin' that..." he finished the earlier statement as he opened his eyes and looked at her. He was equally as silent as her now as they both studied each other with uncertainty.

She sat back down in the chair beside him and twiddled her thumbs, averting her eyes to her hands.

"Juliet-"

Once again Sawyer was cut off when someone stepped into the kitchen. "Amy told me what the four of them did, I figured I ought to let you two out of here..." came Horace's voice as the man wandered in, completely oblivious to the awkward stares between the two.

Juliet was the first to look at Horace. She gave him a small smile and stood. "Thanks Horace," she stated gratefully before hastily taking her leave.

Sawyer watched as she did so and frowned. He sighed and leaned back in the chair because damn, she'd kissed him, and he'd be damned, but he'd really enjoyed that.

"You alright, Jim?" Horace questioned, staring at him curiously.

"Women are confusin', H," he admitted to his boss.

Horace chuckled. "That they are," he agreed.

_August 11,_

_1975._

Sawyer waited for her to get up in the morning. By the time he'd followed her to the house last night, she'd already managed to lock herself tightly into her room. So he sat in the living room, determined to talk to her when she finally came out. It was already well past ten in the morning and the blonde had yet to reveal herself. He locked eyes with her ten minutes later when she came to the end of the hall and reached the living room. He was about to speak when she spoke first.

"I know, I know," she stated, putting her hands in the air halfheartedly. "It was a mistake," she muttered before wandering into the kitchen.

He frowned momentarily in response to that. Was that what _she_ thought, or was that what she assumed he was thinking? He stood up and followed after her into the kitchen, leaning in the doorway. "I wasn't gonna say that."

She turned her head from the open cabinet, tilting her head at him and narrowing her eyes with clear disbelief.

The disbelief in her eyes was disconcerting to say the least and just a little bit insulting. "Fine, believe what you want, Blondie."

Juliet watched him walk away and this time she shut the cabinet and followed him. "Well it's not like you had anything to say about it before now!" she called after him.

He turned and gave her a look of annoyance. "If you didn't freak out and go runnin' off like a bat outta hell when things get a _little_ too personal, maybe I could've!" he growled back at her.

"As if you're any better?" she threw back at him. They were practically nose to nose now. "It's not like you followed after me. I waited here and you didn't show up for another twenty minutes! I wasn't having this stupid conversation in front of Horace!"

Sawyer felt a little stupid after that. He had waited quite a bit before he'd come back. "So what? You think it was a stupid mistake?"

She stepped back and ran her hands over her face in frustration. "I didn't say that! You're putting words in my mouth."

"First thing you said this mornin', it was a mistake, now it's a stupid conversation, therefore, ya' think it was all a stupid mistake," he told her. "Think that's an easy conclusion!"

She swore her eye was going to start twitching. "I don't even know why I care about you, when all you do is frustrate me beyond belief!"

If he hadn't been so mad, he would have noticed the first part of that statement rather than the second part. "It ain't like dealing with you is all sunshine and glory, darlin'!"

"Go choke on it, James," she told him as she turned on her heel and went out the door, past a stunned Jin who had clearly heard the entire argument.

Jin stared at Sawyer and stepped into the house. "Jim..."

"What?" he growled out.

He nearly flinched. "My English, not so good... but Juliet just said she cared about you, yes?"

He paused, went back over the fight. Jin was right...

"_I don't even know why I care about you..._"

"Son of a bitch..." he muttered, sitting down on the couch and covering his face with his hands. She had snaked the statement in there and he'd been too pissed off to notice.

Jin rolled his eyes. "You need to follow her, not sit around again, go go!" he told the other man, shoving him to his feet.

"Right," he mumbled, and went out the door after the blonde. He caught up to her quickly and he did his best to ignore her ramblings to herself about what an ass he was. "Hey, wait a sec'," he stated, grabbing her hand.

"For crying out loud, James!" she moaned out in frustration, pulling her hand from his and shoving him slightly away from her. "Can't I get five minutes before we start insulting each other again?"

He shifted awkwardly in response to the shove, because he'd obviously pissed her off that much. "I'm sorry.." he muttered out. "I just, ya' know... I care about ya' too."

The angered simmered down from its boil and she stared at him in a stunned silence.

This time he took the initiative and he leaned down, catching her lips with his own. He pulled back before giving her time to respond to it. "I do... I swear, just that I don't do this shit very well..."

She arched an eyebrow up. "So this is shit?" she retorted.

He frowned. "What? No!" he groaned out. "That's not what I mea-"

Juliet smiled and rested her hand on his chest gently. "Relax Sparky, I was kidding..." she informed him. "That was just so you knew how I felt back there."

He chuckled nervously.

"What are we doing about, _this_, James?" she asked him uncertainly, gesturing between the two of them.

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I don't know..." he told her. "I ain't even sure what '_this_' is..." he admitted.

She gave him a sad smile. "Let me know when you figure it out then," she informed him before heading towards the motor pool.

**You guys will get a third part to this month, haha... It's taking me a bit to get through 'this' as Sawyer and Juliet like to put it. But if I finally put this up, that means I can stop erasing it and rewriting it! Hah. (Believe me, there were a lot of versions! Some of which included nothing happening between them at all! You guys would have killed me!)**


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